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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To go to the school play twice

46 replies

beingmumanddad · 13/12/2018 12:27

Ok not really, I am actually delighted I can

I have a voluntary job which is lovely and supportive and have told me I'm not to come in and to go again a second time

The school obviously does 2 shows - to help out working and split parents to go to the most convenient performance- very considerate

But my sons dad is an arse who wouldn't go if he could

So I had a tearful child that nobody would go today for him as I was planning to work

But once I find paid employment I won't be likely to have such support and will need to take leave for things like this or disappoint my son

I'm feeling really scared about that and a bit broken at how gutted my son felt.

Parents in my position... does it get easier? How do you manage it emotionally?

Feel like such a wimp today as I am delighted I'm going twice but simply fearful of all the times that this will cause a problem in the future and I've burst into tears myself over it

Once upon a time his dad could be arsed but since we split he's not interested in his son and even if he did a U turn the school would probably be uncomfortable with him turning up after things they've been aware of that he has done. As much as he doesn't want contact, even if he did I'm not sure he would be granted it easily.

OP posts:

Mrspotter12 · 13/12/2018 13:10

DD should be DH sorry.

MrsSpenserGregson · 13/12/2018 13:10

YANBU. You're not depriving anyone else of a ticket!

It's lovely for your son that you can be there. As you say, you won't always be able to go to every performance, but just manage his expectations nearer the time, and enjoy these occasions while you can. (He will cope in future when you're not there, don't worry!)

snuggledonthesofa · 13/12/2018 13:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

brizzledrizzle · 13/12/2018 13:12

If one parent goes twice it's no different to two parents going once. At my DCs school we were entitled to two tickets in total so I would get one for each performance.

WindyWednesday · 13/12/2018 13:16

I go to both. Teeny tiny school. Tickets are fine. If tickets were limited I’d go to one in the day and DH to the evening one.

greathat · 13/12/2018 13:22

I'm a teacher I miss most of those performances. Makes me sad :(

PrimalLass · 13/12/2018 13:23

Well ours sold out last time because some parents were going twice. That was selfish IMO.

ChanklyBore · 13/12/2018 13:25

No tickets here, but two performances because they cannot fit everyone in. They rely on it regulating itself. But they also rely on people being sensible, not bringing twenty relatives and not going twice!

TooDamnSarky · 13/12/2018 13:25

What I do if I'm working is to explain that I have a fixed number of days that I can take off work and ask the kids if they would rather I used these days to come to their performances or to do whole-day fun stuff together in the school holidays. They always choose the latter. I think things like this are easier to deal with if they feel there is an element of choice involved.

Allalittlebitshit2019 · 13/12/2018 13:28

Yer my kids school had 2 plays this week, i was unsure about going to them both but was concerned i may go the second one and their father be there. We have separated and there is a very difficult history with him of domestic abuse and control which he now tries to exert on the school (the control part). I know he was picking the children up on one of the days but was unsure if he would or wouldn't go to the play. Turns out that he did, so relived i didn't go.
The school will always allow the father to attend plays etc, unless he is actually band from the school (which takes a lot!!).

I also work and if it had fallen on a day i was working i wouldn't have been able to go, its a privilege to be able to go to both, do it as long as you can if its something you and your child enjoys.

PrimalLass · 13/12/2018 13:28

I don't think you are selfish BTW, OP.

CloudPop · 13/12/2018 13:31

We would only ever go to one performance.

madmum5811 · 13/12/2018 13:32

Grandparents love these things, so I would inform them, otherwise just explain you cannot be there for two performances.

chocolateavocado99 · 13/12/2018 13:37

If you can go, why wouldn't you? I teach overseas and have a DC in primary and one in secondary. I took my class to watch the dress rehearsal of dc2s play a few days ago and because I was free, I went to the parent performance. Yes, she was happy I saw it twice, but there are lots of things I can't attend as I am a working parent.

Quartz2208 · 13/12/2018 13:40

its a problem that you have made it one - two performances presumably so that they could divide up the numbers and give people two date

So ours has a yr1/2 play yr 1 one day yr 2 the other (obvs you can change if you cant make one day) so everyone

You are not suppose to go to both and I think you need to prepare your son for that fact - there are so many things that they do no one can do everything

90mammasophie · 13/12/2018 13:42

Maybe in future years when your working you could ask a friend to go and watch him - or maybe ask a school friend's mum to 'watch for ds' too, give him a wave & make a fuss of him after aswell as own child. So he feels like someone's watching out for him

blackteasplease · 13/12/2018 13:47

Most kids don't have someone at every performance

ChanelPlease · 13/12/2018 13:50

At primary school age dc really do follow our lead regarding expectations. So as most have said it is fine to go twice but its also fine to teach him to shrug off things like this. Ours rarely had someone at all performances and neither did their friends.

leiaskye · 13/12/2018 14:01

I love my DC, I really do, & really appreciate the hard work the teachers put into the shows.

I always go to one performance ,but I really wouldn't want to sit through it twice.

Pleasedontdrawonyoursister · 13/12/2018 14:09

Our school only lets you attend one or the other, therefore all the children are used to it. Unfortunately one or two parents manage to break the rules but that’s another thread in itself!

YorkshirePuddingsGreatestFan · 13/12/2018 14:37

Do you have a parents group on Facebook? And are the school ok with photographs/video being taken?

When mine were in primary, the ones who did go took some snaps/video and put it in the group so the people who couldn't make it could still see.

I explained I would attend as much as I could but they had to appreciate that sometimes I couldn't get the time off work.

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