Writing a book about my family

[rosewater09]

I am posting here for traffic because I would appreciate help with the following:

An immediate family member who I am very close to is very ill with a terminal illness. Her illness, coupled with the fact that my grandparents and parents are getting older has made me realise how important it is to capture the stories and experiences of family members so that our family history is not lost for future generations (and to preserve some of what makes each person special). I have decided that I would like to record the histories of each of my family members (starting with my ill family member) through interviews and then write those interviews down in a book that can be given to each family member. My family is keen to participate (the idea is to have a beautiful family book made with a narrative and family photos that can be given out next Christmas).

I am struggling to come up with all of the questions to ask, and I am wondering if you all can help. If you could ask your family members (those that are alive or no longer here) anything, what would you ask them? What would you want to know about their childhood and their life?

I think you need to think about what you want from this —if it’s something bland and sanitised you can hand out like a Christmas card, or something that really records people’s lives, warts and all, which might be much darker and more challenging.

Keep the questions open - eg ‘tell me about xxxxxx’.

A close family member has recently died (last of her generation) so I have so many unanswered questions that range from ‘where did you get this?’ In reference to several pieces of her jewelers to ‘what happened to Gran’s Dad in the war? Think he died but not sure. I want to hear her stories of me when I was child, of her wedding, how she felt about her childhood, what made her make certain decisions. I also want her take on our family story and what she wants her descendants to remember. Most people will have their own take on that and it will be interesting not only for what they say but also what it says about them.

Good luck, this could be a fascinating project.

Sorry, my earlier reply was on my phone and sounds rather curt!

I only mean that in the context of my own family history from my grandparents and great-uncles' generations on both sides and we're an average enough family, not hereditary serial killers or anything! some fairly cursory research/questions uncover some very messy stuff. Which as well as not being being known to some of those now living, or, if half-known, an actual source of shame and horror, or denied by them, is definitely not suitable for a nice book for general family circulation.

One thing I discovered on a similar project, with supporting documentation I accidentally discovered in my grandmother's house and which I assumed my mother knew about, as it involved her father, and the letters were in an open trunk in a room in daily use caused my mother enormous shame and distress. And the letters, which I left where I found them, as they weren't mine to take away and didn't photograph, as this was pre phone-cameras quietly disappeared at some point afterwards, so my mother's position is now that I must have made it up, as there's no supporting evidence..

Of course your family may be perfectly straightforward, but then I thought ours was too. You should definitely go ahead with your project. I'm just saying that you may find out things that aren't nice stories about how your grandparents met, and that even things which might seem minor to someone of my generation are shocking and shameful.

The simple act of getting my grandparents' birth and marriage certificates, for instance revealed illegitimacies and in one case, a different father to the 'known' father.