Why does everyone think my life is so easy?

[Itssoeasyeasy]

This is a bit of a self-indulgent misery insomnia post.

A friend was messaging me earlier, just having a little moan about life and I was being sympathetic, but then she said how lucky I am to have everything so easy and I'm confused and actually a bit upset that she would say that.

I've been a single parent of 2 for 10 years. I work in a low paid job that is physically exhausting and mentally draining. I live in a tiny house that needs work doing that I can't afford.

My friend who thinks my life is so easy is married (happily as far as I'm aware, though I know you can never really know what's going on in other people's marriages) and she and her husband each earn more than double my salary. She's been moaning about how stressful it is that she is having to move house because her current house, which is a lot bigger than my house, is apparently far too small to live in now she has a child.

And another friend years ago commented on how lucky I was too have just walked into a job after taking time out as a SAHM. I didn't just "walk into" that job, I volunteered for a charity and a paid position soon became available, I was asked to apply for it because I had shown myself to be good at the work as a volunteer and I worked really hard on my application and preparing for my interview and got the job.

Even back at primary school I was bullied by a girl in my class for having such an easy life compared to her, though there was nothing I had that she didn't and plenty of children who had more.

The bullying was so bad I could barely speak until I was in my 20s. I self-harmed for years and still frequently struggle not to. I suffer from anxiety.

I know that comparatively my life isn't that hard, at least I don't live in a warzone and I have a roof over my head and I'm not terminally ill.

But why do people who are the same as me or better off always think I have everything so easy?

Remember people aren't against you, there just for themselves.

Ignore her

People are idiots.
I put myself through a 4 year selffunded masters whilst raising 2 small children and working full time.
When I was promoted several told me "it's alright for you".

I think as @Racecardriver has proven by their post, people really do only think of themselves. And yes Racecardriver your post is ridiculous, 'worried about your dc not going to school because of school fees' 🙄

Its probably that you don't moan OP and people take that as being happy with your lot, not that you just keep it to yourself.

And fwiw it does sound tough for you!

Thoughtless but not unusual. People engaging their mouths before their brains. Had it recently - been living in a b&b after a life changing event meant we had to leave home suddenly at night and someone says how lucky we were that we don’t have any housework

I tend to stew on these comments and think of the retorts I should have said at the time. Makes me cross really.

It's hard having anxiety and always being afraid I've done something wrong or being too paralysed with fear to do anything. It's hard stopping myself from reaching for something sharp to stop the thoughts inside my head

This is BLOODY hard! Even if your life was plain-sailing-everything0in-the-garden-it-lovely-hearts-and-flowers in every other respect, this anxiety alone would leave you worn out-and exhausted - mentally, because it's so hard to shut down your thoughts, and physically because you check, and re-check, and re-re-check everything you do, and worry about everything you say, re-playing things over in your mind - have I said the wrong thing? did I upset so-and-so? did I give X the right information?

It totally wears you out.

Ignore your friends - or say "Ha! I'd love to swap problems with you!" and list a couple of your own to shut them up.

Generalised anxiety paralyses and undermines every moment o your life.

I get it OP, I remember one time when I had to take my four year old out in the snow when we both had gastroenteritis, to go (thankfully not far) to charge my meter key because the electricity had run out! I felt so bad taking this poor little tyke out and trudging in the cold, but our (tiny crapoy) TV and lights were off and it was early evening in winter, so way to dark but not early enough to just go to bed, plus our food would go off in the non-functioning fridge by the morning.

Simple things like not having anyone to look after your child in an urgent situation like the above example; and having little space or money to make your home more enjoyable to relax in after a tough day's work, are so demoralising, especially because they're not isolated incidents.

And then you add all the other issues you have, especially with horrible anxiety, and it's really a credit to you that you do so well..,

Sometimes it'd be nice if somebody would recognise that, instead of trampling over your feelings/invalidating your concerns.

OP, I promise you not everyone is ignorant of your problems and unappreciative of how much you deserve support (practically or emotionally), you just seem to have had a bad run of befriending small minded people.

And yes of course people who are financially better off, and better emotionally supported do indeed have problems (perhaps of a different nature) and they're not to sniff at either. But it seems like your friends have not only neglected to be supportive, but also made you feel like somehow you're better off, thereby nullifying your feelings, and shutting down andy opportunity for you to confide in them.

But that's them; there are people who the world who aren't competitive and indenture. Maybe you could find some people with similar background/situations/interest as yourself by trying out some "single mum" groups or some activity based on your interests...

And either explain to your friend how insensitive she's being (if you want to remain friends) or just ditch and find someone more understanding to talk to.

I send you some flowers and hopes for better friendships in the near future.

Simple... why don't you just ask them say "I'm curious, what makes you think that? as someone else has said it too but I see the opposite"?

Could it be part of your GAD that you are looking into a throwaway comment too much?