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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask DH to pay?

45 replies

jooly22 · 13/12/2018 00:46

DH and I split all of our household bills down the middle. I earn more than him, but as I work less hours, our take home pay is roughly the same. I take care of DS on days I am not at work.

He doesn't drive, I do. Before we got together I had a car. Now we have DS who is 2, and I have always paid everything related to car (tax, insurance, MOT, repairs, fuel). Now DH is learning to drive and I have recently traded in my car for a better one.

Is it BU to ask DH to pay half for the new car, which he will be using to learn to drive in, and will be using when he passes his driving test? Or at least, to go half with me on tax, insurance, etc?

I don't use the car for commuting, its domestic/ leisure only and almost exclusively family related activity e.g. taking DS places, grocery shopping, etc.

He helped me look online for new cars but didn't offer to pay anything towards it and when I asked if he would be willing to, he said he would but got a bit huffy and offered to give me half of the surplus I paid (so not taking into account the amount that was deducted from trading in the old car). We aren't talking massive sums of money here but since we split everything else evenly I'm wondering if I'm BU to start asking him to pay half of everything for the car?

OP posts:

Cooella · 13/12/2018 00:53

Of course he should bloody pay! Not only do you give him lifts & let him learn in it but presumably you've been using it the past 2 years to drive HIS DC around and get food in for all of you etc as well as driving it to your job which earns money for the family. Sorry OP he's been taking the piss out of u by not paying.

Lovingbenidorm · 13/12/2018 00:54

Sorry I don’t really understand why you’re having this conversation at all.
you are a married couple with a child.
Surely you pool your resources?

Walkingdeadfangirl · 13/12/2018 00:58

Your married, its all joint money.

Cooella · 13/12/2018 01:02

I never understand why people want to have children & get married and not want to pool resources. Seems like the only real benefit of marriage to me.

LagunaBubbles · 13/12/2018 01:04

It's OK to be like this if you are just a couple with no children, I find it really bizarre that you are married with a child and go ances aren't joint. You share a marriage, a bed and a child.

Cooella · 13/12/2018 01:06

Sorry that was judgey. Each to their own.

SunnyTikka · 13/12/2018 01:10

Of course he has to. Your insurance will be higher with him learning and also when he passes his test. Why should you pay for that extra? Perhaps he should get his own car. This is crazy - everything should be pooled/joint to avoid this sort of crap.

Wer2Next · 13/12/2018 01:13

If you buy your son a sandwich do you argue who's turn it is to pay? Do you ask for half the money?

Makes me cringe tbh.

Cooella · 13/12/2018 01:13

What happens if one of you has considerably more spare cash than the other? Do you go on lavish holidays and leave the other behind? Eat caviar while they sit in economy and eat peanuts? If you split you will have to split your assets too (eg cars) so u may as well both go all in.

StoppinBy · 13/12/2018 01:15

I have the same wonderings, how is it that people marry and have children yet run separate bank accounts and have his/her money?

If you had joint finances you would just be taking what you needed from that so I guess if they are separate then yes you should be splitting it, your child also now benefits from the car which is jointly your responsibility.

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 13/12/2018 01:15

Of course he should be putting something towards it!

Otherwise I'd be asking him when he is going to start looking for a little runabout to learn to drive in himself.

Blondebakingmumma · 13/12/2018 01:17

He sounds stingy. Horrible quality

Cooella · 13/12/2018 01:19

And bill him half for every time you've ever used it to drive his son or get the food shopping in. Is he the type of man who wants a modern marriage where u both work and u both have your own money but you are still solely responsible for all of that household management stuff? I know I'm being judgy again. I can't help it I'm angry on your behalf and for all the women who keep getting screwed by stingy bastards.

Original poster

jooly22 · 13/12/2018 01:20

Think I have my answer. Thanks ladies

OP posts:

Vehivle · 13/12/2018 01:34

Late to the party but wanted to also add to the crowd - yes he should definitely pay.

PinkFizzz · 13/12/2018 01:35

DP and I aren't married and dont have children together... he pays half the running costs of my car because its an asset used by both of us.

He doesn't drive and can't learn to, but car is used for getting all of us to work, shopping, trips etc. Why shouldn't he pay if he is using it too?

Aquamarine1029 · 13/12/2018 01:36

These types of posts never cease to amaze me. You're married. His money is your money, your money is his money. All this bickering and selfishness when the benefit is for the family is astounding. Why bother getting married if everything you do and earn has to logged into some bizarre checks and balances sheet. I don't hold out much hope for marriages like this. You're either a unified team or you're not. You and your husband are definitively not.

TheSerenDipitY · 13/12/2018 01:36

if he doesnt want to share the costs of your car i guess he then needs to buy his own car and cover his own costs out of his own money, and never ever use your car, ever!

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 13/12/2018 01:39

And posts like these never fail to amaze.

You understand that there's more than one way of doing things, and it doesn't suit every single couple to pool their money?

MutedUser · 13/12/2018 01:40

I too cringe at this . I know a couple who argue about what they eat when they go out as they take turns each at paying. So if one eats too much when the other is paying it is resented . They also do this with their kids I paid for the cinema now it’s tour turn to pay for the swimming . Oh but swimming is cheaper so you can pay for school lunches this week. Each to their own but when one person earns more it doesn’t seem fair to split down the middle . If a man was doing this to a woman making her pay half when she only worked part time we would be saying something different .

PyongyangKipperbang · 13/12/2018 01:45

My sister and her husband have seperate money and they have been happily married for 25 years.....people do things differently, what a shocker

OP, yes of course he should pay and I would be thinking much less of him for his huffy attitude that you should simply stump up. Ask him if he would be happy to pay all of the utilities himself, with you using them and not contributing.

MutedUser · 13/12/2018 01:47

That’s great that your sister is happily married . The couple I know this causes so much tension and point scoring that they are miserable.

PyongyangKipperbang · 13/12/2018 01:47

And it should be half the cost of the car, not half the difference between the price and your trade in. You each fund half the purchase price, how you do that is your own business, so you get yours from your current car and he gets his from his savings or whatever.

MutedUser · 13/12/2018 01:50

Will your DH get the car 50% of the time? Do you drive him to work everyday or do you expect him to pay half the car and also pay for public transport to his own job ?

PyongyangKipperbang · 13/12/2018 02:36

do you expect him to pay half the car and also pay for public transport to his own job ?

You mean like the OP does now for her own job, except she pays for the full cost of the family car by herself?

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