Should I back off or be there for my friend?

[deadliftgirl]

Hi all mumsnet members,

I am a newbie on this forum and I would like to thank you all in advance for your contribution to this post and advice. I am really looking forward to participating in this forum and helping many wonderful women in all areas of life.

I came here as I am in desperate need of some women to women advice/input on a current situation with my best friend. Me and my friend have been close/good friends since school and over the years we have always been there for each other and been in regular communication.

However, this past year everything has changed and I am finding it very difficult to navigate the situation. You see my friend went through some very huge and difficult personal problems. Without judgement, she cheated on her husband, he left her and ever since then my friend has been very distant with me. We used to go from talking every day or every other day to chatting once or twice a month if you are lucky. It is not that I haven't tried to communicate with her but overtime we text, she will either stop replying after a couple of messages or not reply at all.

My partner thinks that she is just going through a transition period where she is going wild after being reserved most of her life. I also feel that she is still seeing the other guy and that is partly why she hasn't been in contact much. I have tried on a couple of occasions to say, we haven't chatted much in a while is everything okay and all I get is a I have just been busy with work reply. However, everyone is busy with work, life, gym etc and they still have time to send a 2 minute message to a friend.

The longer this drift continues, the more I just feel like giving up on the friendship altogether. I really want to be there for my friend as when her husband found out about her cheating, we took her in, gave her so much support and advice. Then like after the shock had worn off and life started to get back to normal, slowly she just stopped communicating. My partner doesn't want me to confront her about all of this and to act like everything is fine and just be there when she needs me but I can't help but feel a tad annoyed. Like we had plans recently, she contacted me after a month and asked to meet up and on that day, she cancelled with a weird excuse.

Anyways ladies what do you think?

I would stop wasting my time trying to keep clawing your way back into her life. Actions speak louder than words and she is clearly not invested in nurturing your friendship. Just let it go.

Let her go. She is in a period of change and is swapping and changing relationships in her life. She cheated on her husband and wanted to move on and it seems she wants to move on from you too.

I know it hurts, losing a friend is painful, but keep your dignity.

Let her come to You when she is ready.

Thank you both for your honest and frank advice. I really appreciate that and you are right. I just want sure as I was asking myself, am I being a bad person by backing off but thanks again.

Good for you OP. It’s best to let her go - she’s let you down and you don’t have to pretend to be ok with that. Protect yourself and focus on other friendships.