Would this bother you?

[CancerianMum]

Hi Ladies,

I’m posting on behalf of my younger sister who has just had a baby. I personally wouldn’t get upset over it, but she’s much more sensitive than I and is really upset by it all.

Basically my sister’s SIL has never been keen on her (no proper reason why, just thinks she isn’t good enough for her brother) she’s a bit of an arse. My sister has always went out her way to try and get on with her just to have it thrown back in her face. So the other day, the (SIL) posted all over Facebook congratulating her brother on the birth of his beautiful baby girl and how she’s delighted to be an auntie, then followed by comments by their side of the family congratulating her and sister’s OH - no mention of sister at all - she’s really upset by it all and thinks it’s been done out of spite. I did tell her not to worry over petty stuff like this, but she’s hormonal and very sensitive. Would this bother you?

Thanks for taking the time to read ladies
Chloe x

Also, her OH has told her to stop being so ridiculous and that his sister does like her, she’s just being paranoid

My SIL posts things about her brother and doesn’t give me a mention doesn’t bother me at all. She will post having my little brother over for tea to catch up when I’m there too . Life is too short to worry about these things. Maybe she should stay off of Facebook if things like that bother her.

Firstly, if your name is actually Chloë, then you may want to ask the moderators to remove your name (report yourself tomdo this).

Has no one said congratulations to dbil and diss? Ie. Was only dsis’s Husband mentioned? If so, this is pretty poor form from all the family.

I can understand why your sister is feeling Hurt. It’s as if she doesn’t exist. However, I guess the hormonal emotions of having a new baby is accentuating the situation.

Whether it was done out of spite, or an oversight, it’s difficult to tell who I thought knowing what was said.

Can sis’s dh have a word with her family and explain how sis is feeling, explaining how she is a little put out at not being mentioned.

Or can he post a huge post praising his wife for everything she has done?

Yes it would bother me. She's just given birth and erasing her is a really twatty thing to do. Having a baby isn't really comparable to visiting for a cup of tea!

Yeah. It would piss me off too, hormonal or not. Did he have to carry that child for nine months or push a bowling ball through a pinhole? No.
Your bil should post a message saying how proud he is of his amazing wife and how well she did, thanking her for giving her a beautiful baby girl. Sounds a bit ott but would remind his family that she was there too!
Tell your sister to prepare for his family saying how.much she looks like them when they were babies. After the seventeenth time, she will wonder if she had anything to do with the creation of her daughter!!!

Yes, I would have been upset.

Now, many years post partum I wouldn't.

To be honest, if it were me I'd comment (lightheartedly) asking where all my congratulations were considering I'm the one who did all the hard work!

I think it would bother me slightly, but I don't have the best relationship with my own SIL so that could be clouding my judgement, but I don't think I'd be giving it much thought after the initial reaction to seeing it. The SIL is probably just looking for 'likes' at your sister expense. Tell your sister to ignore it as best she can and concentrate on her new baby, and congratulations to her becoming a mum and to you on becoming an auntie also!

The SIL isn’t being kind. She should have included your sister in her congratulation messages, as should the rest of the family. And her husband is either too stupid to see what’s going on or is deliberately trying to avoid acknowledging or addressing it.

Don’t downplay this stuff. It can be so corrosive in a marriage and for your sister’s long term happiness.

Thanks for the replies ladies. I really do think it’s mostly to do with the hormones. I’m the kind of person who couldn’t give a stuff if folk like me or not, but DSis was really upset and is a very sensitive person, so I thought it would ask to get other points of view on the matter. I also agree that life is too short to dwell on such little things.

As far as I’m aware it was only his parents and our side of the family that congratulated both x

Yes TBH it would bother me too if there was a tough relationship, and I’d been missed out of the tag on the post for my own child, but a lot of fake posturing for likes on social media bothers me!

If I were you I’d advise your sister to just see it for what it is.

She is happy for her brother.

So. Best revenge is to respond on the message and be super generous and kind and overly gushingly nice on SIL’s post about how thrilled they are to be a little family and what a brilliant auntie she will be. Best case she gets the hint and actually steps up and gets over herself - worst case nobody can blame your sister for being kind and gracious towards SIL’s ‘thoughtful and nice’ message, even if the weird SIL seethes and nothing changes. Being nice is definitely the way forward.

Thank you all for replying ladies. I really wish folk were all in the same mindset in regards to life being too short for all the unnecessary drama, especially when children are involved x

She should comment congratulating DH on the birth of his child and all he did to make it happen.

I don’t think she should comment asking where her congratulations are if they are doing it to be petty. Then her biting and showing that she is hurt will be the reaction the SIL was going for. Best to just leave it I think you can’t dictate to others what they say on Facebook sadly .

yes i would be annoyed. I suspect my DH would comment to say something like, " its Gareth who you should really be congratulating, she did all the hard work, without her there would be no DS" or something equally gushing that makes the point in a non confrontational way.

I think you aren’t being as supportive to your sister as you ought to be. She’s very vulnerable right now. She’s being badly treated but you are blaming her.