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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset?

10 replies

Picknickers · 12/12/2018 22:28

My best friend lives in Australia. Whilst he was working here he became part of the family, came to ours for Christmas, was ferried all over the country etc. In fact when DH and I met he sometimes came on our dates so that he wasn't left out! I thought we were really close. A mutual friend tonight put on her FB that she had just picked him up from the airport. About an hour later he messaged me asking if I was around tomorrow as he'd like to pop in. I was really upset. It felt as if he'd only asked to see me because he knew I would see FB. I asked him if that was the case and the mutual friend sent a message saying I had upset him. I am currently struggling with severe depression and realise I can get things out of proportion atm but I'm gutted. I can't stop crying. Do I need a slap?

OP posts:
Pachyderm1 · 12/12/2018 22:30

I think your response was quite paranoid and a bit hostile. He could definitely have been more organised so YANBU about that, but he did reach out and was then slapped down.

Maybe say sorry and ask if he’s still free and meet him if you want to.

GhostSauce · 12/12/2018 22:30

I'm not sure I understand. Are you upset he didn't ask you to pick him up?

Wolfiefan · 12/12/2018 22:32

How long ago was he spending Christmas at yours and coming on dates with you? Maybe he feels you’ve grown apart a little bit if it’s been years.
He’s your friend and wants to see you. You accused him of not wanting to spend time with you really. And now you’re the one crying? Not really logical.

MyKingdomForBrie · 12/12/2018 22:34

I totally understand in the sense that you see him as your best friend but clearly he has picked someone else as the 'primary' friend for this trip, that would be hurtful.

I would have played it cool though and not made a fuss but that's a personal choice. The mutual friend telling you you've 'upset him' needs to grow up a bit really - if he has a problem he should simply message you back.

I'm sure he intended to get in touch all along, it's just hurtful that the friendship with you has been kind of second rated against the one with mutual friend.

gamerchick · 12/12/2018 22:35

You don't own him Confused maybe he wanted to surprise you? I would be upset as well to receive a response like that from a friend depressed or not.

MrsTommyBanks · 12/12/2018 22:37

I think in his mind he was being considerate, and possibly felt you have done enough hosting over the years.
Is he aware of your current MH issues? Because if he is that is another way of him being kind.
So, very kindly and gently, yes YABU.
I hope you feel better soon. It sucks being mentally unwell, I do empathise Flowers

Doobydoobydooyeh · 12/12/2018 22:38

I'm guessing you are.upset cos he hasn't even let you know he was in the country? That is pretty crap.

MarthaArthur · 12/12/2018 22:45

If he didnt let you know he was in the country thats shitty and i would be very upset by it as well. If you knew he was coming and are upset because he didnt get you to pick him up then yes you are taking ut too hard.

HeddaGarbled · 12/12/2018 22:47

Did you know that he was visiting your country before you saw the Facebook update from your mutual friend? If not, then YA definitely not being U to be upset - to be in the country and not even tell you he was coming! That’s not the behaviour of a “best friend”.

However, if you knew he was visiting but are upset because he asked someone else to pick him up from the airport, then YABU. He could just be being considerate and trying not to impose.

BlimeyCalmDown · 12/12/2018 23:17

Apologise, explain and ask him still to meet, then go out and have the best time xx

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