Nurseries

[KAZ7864]

Is it wrong for a member of staff to step in and support a parent When a child throws a things at their parent and then laughs and continues with this beahiour? Then the child continues to misbehave and ignore both parent and staff. What would anyone do?

Not wrong to step in. If it were in the nursery I work in I absolutely would remind the child about using kind hands and that we don’t throw.

I would ask parent “would you like me to step in/back you up or leave you to it?”

Were you the parent in that situation?

As the parent I would deal with it myself. I would not expect the nursery staff to do anything other than follow my lead if required.

Nursery staff look after my child when I'm not there, they teach/guide him but they don't parent him, when I'm there it's my job.

Thanks for responding lovelies. I was the member of staff. I asked parent to support me with their child as the child is rather passive in all situations therefore assessing the child became difficult. We both tried to get child to respond to an activity that has been set for child since september but no response in order for nursery to move ahead for child. Child found it very amusing and refused to look at us kept throwing pen on parent, slapping parents hands throwing pen on floor etc etc. Our nurseries is for 3-4 year olds.

The nursery I work in we would back the parent up, normally a "oh dear so and so, we don't hurt people etc" it's normally enough to snap them out of their train of thought.

But we have very good relationships with the parents, and most of them use us as a threat "be good or I'll tell , what will they say"

There's only one or two parent where I think it wouldn't be appreciated.

In that situation I would say that's an observation in its self and would be noted a long with any other obs we had if where trying to put evidence together for an assement.

But deff if the parent came into nursery to work with them, I would deff say you have the "right " to say we don't do that.

Coming to the obs, we had gathered sufficient evidence and spoke to parent regarding our concerns, which is what has triggered the parent to put in a complaint against us. We are always here to offer help and support but some parents just dont appreciate that and go against you in a very bitter way. Parent themselves gave themselves away by stating that the child never bothers them at home, most of the time they dont even know if the child is here or there. Upon hearing this my response to parent was may be that could be the problem. The child is not engaged, left to just get on with it... I think by saying that I touched up some truth hence resulted in complaint. Parent asked for advice, asked what I would do as a parent. I responded with what I do, do with my own, which is, if bad behaviour you sanction by taking things away , time out etc etc, things I'm sure most parents would do, but this went against me and parent lied and said I tried to teach them how to parent and apparently i said my children are very obedient. Really!!!!!

Sounds like their in denile, in which case there's not much you can do.

What did your manager say?

It's a judgement call I think. Assuming no SN I would probably assume the child was very tired and overwhelmed after nursery and whether the staff help would depend on whether they think the parent needs or wants that help. Some parents would appreciate a helping hand others would feel undermined.

What do you mean by gathered evidence? Did the parent know this evidence was being gathered? We’re they kept informed of what was going on every step of the way?
If you actually said that the problem might be that the child is not engaged and just left to get on with it, I can understand there being a complaint. You may be right, butbworded it very wrong. Could of gone with helpful suggestions of things to do at home to see if the child engages more. Between that and talking about how you do things at home, parent probably felt a bit judged.
I’m not meaning to sound harsh, just have to try and see their point of view.

Parent was definitely in denial and asked for support. We offered them lots of support i e learning resources to take home, books etc. It was not worded as above but more sensitive, as ofcourse we know how difficult things can be as parents. I always found parent rushing to just drop child and quickly go home, so much rush that they wouldnt even tell the child to change their book but would change it for them...

Are you the Senco? This sounds like a very tricky parent, and perhaps left to a more experienced member of staff to deal with. It sounds like you had good intentions but didn't express yourself as well as you could have done.

Everything I said, or expressed my affection parent just did not want to hear. I spoke to other members of staff who are also concerned and always expressed our support towards them. I would never say anything out of term as I am a parent myself and understand how we feel about our kids, when I am spoken to about my children I always adhere to take it and make it positive not slander the staff in whos care my children are.

If the parent doesn't want to listen just yet all you can do is tell them you think it would be beneficial to be seen by a go so they can refer. Keep observations so when then go to school they will have more of a understanding and hope they have more luck.

It can be sondishearting when parents are in denile or don't want to see a problem. Though I can understand the shock and maybe upset but it doesn't make the child any less lovely they just need extra help.

Thank you to all you lovelies for all your replies. I tried as hard as I could and it resulted in an issue. So I think I'll just continue doing what I can and let parents deal with their side. Just feel sorry for the kids.