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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stinking cold and newborn...

23 replies

OhforGSake · 12/12/2018 21:20

DD was born yesterday. Came home today, we’re staying with my parents for a few days to recuperate and it’s been a wonderful afternoon.

We don’t see mil much - I tried and tried to forge a relationship with her but ultimately she’s just someone who doesn’t need regular family contact. Fair enough. She never enquires about baby during pregnancy. Again, fine, just adding perspective.

Anyway, MIL arrived 3 hours ago with an absolute stinker of a cold. AIBU to be pissed off?! I don’t want my baby catching a fucking cold at 1 day old!!!!

OP posts:
Zanzeeee · 12/12/2018 21:36

YANBU OP

Geordiegirl79 · 12/12/2018 21:42

YANBU Your priority is the safety of your baby. My 3 week old caught a cold which developed into bronchiolitis and we ended up in hospital, so I don't think you're being overly sensitive in asking her to keep some distance until she's better, hard as that is, I know.

InsomniacAnonymous · 12/12/2018 21:42

Oh no. That's definitely not acceptable. She's a newborn FFS! Your MIL should have had your baby's best interests at heart and stayed away until she was better. That's incredibly selfish.

Maegeri · 12/12/2018 21:42

Please please please do not let her near your newborn. My DS caught a cold at a few days old, he ended up in hospital with bronchiolitis at 8 days and it was VERY serious. I don't want to scare you but I want to make sure you know how serious it is, he is a healthy 12 year old now but he nearly didn't make it. YADNBU!!!

agnurse · 12/12/2018 21:44

YANBU. MIL needs to LEAVE.

Veryberrycherry · 12/12/2018 21:45

The same virus that causes the cold causes Bronchialitis. Its one of the most common hospital admissions for babies. Do not let her anywhere near.

Geordiegirl79 · 12/12/2018 21:47

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you mentioning ending up in hospital, but it really can be a dangerous thing for a newborn and I found it such a traumatic experience, I really wouldn't want anyone to have to go through that because of, frankly, the selfishness of mil.

Redken24 · 12/12/2018 21:48

Go to bedroom with baby til she goes.
What ignorance.
Congratulations on your baby

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 12/12/2018 22:01

Hi OP

Let her see the baby from a distance then ask her nicely to leave. Use anti bac or bleach spray where she has been sitting and door handles and stuff that she has touched.

Most babies with older siblings will be exposed to colds constantly in the winter. And it's normally fine but understandably with a newborn you don't want to take any chances when you don't have to.

Our newborn got a cold from her older sibling. She was less than a week old and really struggling, we called 111 and they sent out an ambulance as she was choking on snot basically. We had to sleep in shifts to keep her upright, she wasaid fine but as she was so little she hadn't learnt to cough yet. Much less stressful than a lot of stories here but I definitely would rather have not gone through it

homemadegin · 12/12/2018 22:11

YANBU. Tell her to leave.

My PFB dd is 6 weeks old. She was kept in hospital for first week. Got home and my oldest and best friend in world came to see me day 10. Hadn't been to hospital as they wouldn't let her DC in and she was slready mad at that. Her middle child was choked with the cold, age 2 and coughed all over 'DD while I cried. I was broken and vulnerable anyway.

She then posted on Facebook that she wouldn't make a social gathering as her DC had the cold and she didn't want to pass it on. I don't think our friendship will recover as I then spent the next three days with a newborn choked with the cold. I told her I was upset by it and she simply said it was only an issue for me because I was a new mum and by the time you have four you don't even notice. Shes been off with me since making digs at me being precious. I don't care. Although I am still cross.

Haworthia · 12/12/2018 22:19

Any relative with an ounce of common sense wouldn’t visit. Shame you’ll have to tell her to come back when she’s better 🤷‍♀️

LaLoba · 12/12/2018 22:20

You are not. Aside from the obvious dangers to your baby (congratulations by the way) you certainly don’t need a cold right now either. Sooner or later someone will turn up here to tell you you are being unkind to MIL, as GP germs magically cause no harm. Pay no attention to the self serving rot and keep you and your baby away.

AmyDowdensLeftLeftShoe · 12/12/2018 22:23

Gosh your MIL is a silly cow. Two siblings and a good friend had colds when DD was born so they stayed away for 2-3 weeks until they were better so she didn't catch it.

Funny thing is about 3 weeks ago I went to visit another friend with a baby. The 3 month old had a cold and is a few weeks older than DD. DD was completely fine but I caught the cold. Hmm

TheLastMermaid · 12/12/2018 22:25

Not just bronchiolitis, which is serious enough, but the enterovirus can cause meningitis in newborns but is only experienced as a cold by adults. Even if it only causes snuffles, it's not what you want for your newborn. Take strength from us fellow mums and be firm. Congratulations btw. 😊

Jamiefraserskilt · 12/12/2018 22:32

Terrible timing for her to be poorly when her new grandchild has just arrived but best keep her distance and have belated cuddles when she is better.
Congratulations x

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 12/12/2018 22:59

I can absolutely understand why someone would be desperate to see a new grandchild - but your MIL is (or should be) an adult, @OhForGsake, and as such should have been grown up enough to realise that their disappointment at not seeing your lovely new born matters nothing compared to the risk of giving a day old baby a respiratory illness!

peachgreen · 12/12/2018 23:01

YANBU. My (lovely) SIL did the same and I was SO angry - and that's someone I really love and care for. I'm really angry on your behalf. Colds can be very dangerous for newborns. I banned anyone ill from coming near her until after her 12 week jabs after that.

Surfskatefamily · 13/12/2018 06:47

Did you turn her away? Your not unreasonable. Id have been so angry.

StepAwayFromGoogle · 13/12/2018 07:37

YADNBU. Tell her to do one x

SnuggyBuggy · 13/12/2018 07:44

I'm no germphobe but even I wouldn't be impressed with an obvious cold around a days old baby. It would not have killed her to wait.

convertingroom · 13/12/2018 07:53

She needs to leave immediately

Wtf... DD was born yesterday and she turns up to endanger DDs life and wipe you out with a cold?!

randomsabreuse · 13/12/2018 08:19

Not helpful. My 1 month old is suffering something his preschooler sister brought home (unavoidable contact!) and that is bad enough - non resident adults can get lost!

Alltheguilts · 13/12/2018 09:22

Utterly selfish. It's horrible for tiny babies to get a cold and can effect their feeding. But getting sick is the last thing you or your partner need. Get some First Defence spray for the grown-ups in the house and tell your MIL to leave.

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