AIBU to think either no one cares or, more likely, my expectations are wrong?

[DonkeyHotei]

So I was really touched today by this article in the Guardian, describing the compassion that the father of Grace Millane is quoted as saying he experienced in New Zealand during the horrific process of bringing his beloved daughter home.

www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2018/dec/12/grace-millane-father-uncle-visits-site-in-new-zealand-where-body-found

He made a number of comments amounting to feeling that the nation as a whole, but more importantly the media over there treated them with compassion, restraint and courtesy. This really struck me as significant, given the fact that during the early days of the disappearance of Milly Fowler the red tops hacked her fucking phone. And also, generally, whenever violence is perpetrated on a women even resulting in her murder. the gutter press often manage to portray events in a light that causes great distress to the loved ones of the victim. FWIW, this happens quite often when the victim is a man as well...generally our press are lacking in compassion when it comes to the toss-up between respecting the grieving victims and getting some clickbait. Mr Millane actually thanked "the local media for not intruding and being “respectful and courteous at all times” Can you imagine living in a country like that? (Some of you maybe do....)

Aaaaaaanywaaaaaay....I put a Facebook post up with the statements expressed above and a link to the article. Radio silence. And it's weird, because I always thought I lived in an echo chamber where my social media was concerned....most are Remain, the vast majority are pro-refugee rights, most are left-wing. I have real trouble seeing other people's points of view when it comes to critical events, largely due to surrounding myself with the sounds contained within an echo chamber. But on this, and on other posts I've put up with something vaguely ....what's the word...not "political" but just "wider than my own sphere"?? there is just silence. Yet then....and then is the crux of my AIBU....minutes later I popped a picture up of my tot doing something cute, and I was flooded (as usual) with lovely messages and "likes". And yet the post above it, no one touched. AIBU to think that if no one even cares about these issues enough to click on a social media post, then how are we ever going to tackle the big things? And also, I'm curious, do your friends respond to meaningful posts you put up (as opposed to pics of your kids being sweet, which I don't doubt for one minute are a delight to respond to ) and have I just got lame friends?!

TL:DR

It's just a post about how people don't seem to engage in serious stuff on social media.

If I’m being honest, I got through a bit of your post and then just didn’t read on. Mainly because I didn’t understand what you were referring to. MY point being, perhaps what you posted on social media sparked the same reaction.
I rarely comment on serious issues online under my real name.

I think theres always a chance someone will oppose my political (or whatever topic it is) view which in itself is fine but I can't be bothered to argue online and I don't think I should have to defend my point of view online so i really only post occasional pics of my kids. Two topics I'm very passionate about are organ donation and breast feeding so I do occasionally post in connection to them because I'd happily argue my point of view for days. But my general opinion is that I like social media to be light hearted escapism and don't like reading about hard hitting things

And social media is often not the right platform for serious messages.

Spice good point....I think the fault may be the waffly way i express myself I have trouble being concise and read-worthy....

My social media isn't somewhere I go for serious issues and debate.

Honestly though your ok took a long time to get to the point and was far longer than it needed to be. Is that how you post on social media? Not judging, just asking.

And social media is often not the right platform for serious messages.

Yes...BUT....in a way social media could be a way to touch people's hearts and minds. Let's face it, none of us are going to go out on a rally, and who is going to bother searching for a serious journal on the net at 9pm when they are shouting the kids to bed in between glancing at their phones. So, in a way, social media IS the only way we can reach each other?

Also it's impossi me to compare this case with Milly Dowler.

I don't think pap3rs in the UK would get away with doing what they did back then. That case was quite a while a go.

I lost interest three quarters of the way through your OP. To be honest Milly Fowler was a long time ago and the events surrounding phone hacking have now been investigated. It doesn't seem like you're making a relevant point. Unless you can compare and contrast to a comparable case in the UK that's happened recently you're just not saying anything interesting or relevant.

Notacluethisxmas yeah, maybe a bit.... Sometimes...covers face in embarrassment Think I may have the answer right there....

But in this case I honestly thought just the article itself would raise heads, even despite my waffle...

No it's not the only way.
Also you can start or join pages to look for things that interest you including political or current events. People who are interested can join and discuss these issues.

Main feeds, are not the same. People often just want to scroll and have a nosey. If they want something deeper they can go to their groups or join a group.

@HSarah ...

I agree (especially after what people have said) that my posting style is at fault. BUT I totally disagree that the fact that Milly Dowler was ages ago doesn't mean that the press are completely cannibalistic whenever there is a death or violent event....dredging up photos of victims in their underwear etc....these are recent, post Dowler events. So my original point, that a victim's family would never express to the Uk what they expressed to NZ stands, imho. i agree with the folk who said my style is shit, but disagree absolutely that the point expressed doesn't stand...

Then compare it to a similar, more recent case. Not one years ago.

Things change. Milly Dowler was killed nearly 17 years ago.

The 2 cases are a generation apart. The comparison doesn't work. Lots of people may not even remember that case.

Ok, in 2003 a friend of mine died in horrible circumstances. No one was charged with murder but manslaughter. Because they put her in danger but didn't intend to kill her.

The press were very respectful of us, her family and her fiance.

That's more recent than Milly Dowler.

What the press did with the phone hacking was disgusting. But that doesn't mean it happens in every case.

I just think comparing it to a more recent case would may have helped. You may disagree. It's simply my opinion.

@DonkeyHotei Which cases are you talking about?

It seems like you're pouncing on a comment from the victim's father and moulding it into a political narrative that may or may not exist. If that's all you're basing your opinions of the NZ press on it isn't enough to make any kind of point, especially when you haven't made a relevant counter point on the side of the British press.

What you're saying at the moment is a lot of hot air. It may be that you have a point, it may be that you don't, but you haven't presented any evidence or legitimate opinion either way.

@Notacluethisxmas i am really sorry for your loss . What you've posted, as an actual reality of losing someone, is far more important that any rhetoric I have posted or will post on this thread, and please believe me when I say anything that follows is just discussion as opposed to real loss, like you've experienced. Furthermore, I'm really glad your experience with the press was positive.

But to answer the other posters: @HSarah I'm not "pouncing" on anything; I'm not "moulding" it into any kind of political narrative. I kind of resent the tone there, because i thought I tried to make my post as compassionate as possible, highlighting my own faults clearly.

Look, I think, for recent cases I'd have to go trawling through the papers for a link. If you really believe that the British press are kind and compassionate to the families of murder victims, and only some links will persuade you otherwise then I will. But my point is that the press, when someone experiences violent crime, doesn't hesitate to go for clickbait as to their previous available internet history: photos of them in their underwear (Reeva Steenkamp), mentions of their gang membership (if they're BME)

Ultimately I have yet to see a family member of a victim in the UK experience the compassion that Ms Millane's father expressed. That was my point. i accept the fact that my inability to express myself well makes people not want to comment on social media. But I stand by my point that the media in this country go for salacious clickbait in most cases where they can.

I get it's not about loss. I posted my story, not mention the heart ache, to shown have personal experience of the issue you are debating. You are taking off topic by expressing that's it's not about loss. Again, it's waffle.

Reece Steenkamo was a model. Those photos of her have been seen world wide before her murder. That was part of who she was. She was happy for people to see her that way. She was presented as herself. It didn't make her less of a victim.

Gang membership can be relevant and it's always pointed out when there is no gang link.

Without being able to back you point up, there's no debate. It look like you taking up a position that you dont understand or that doesn't exist. People who don't understand your point won't engage.

No one has said the press is kind compassionate. But I don't believe comparing uk press behaviour from 17 years ago, to NZ press behaviour now is a fair or relevant comparison.

@DonkeyHotei I think you should post links of what you're talking about- the click bait used by the British press in regards to murder cases.

If this is what you believe you need to back it up in some way, as it does come across as you linking an outdated stereotype to a new case (New Zealand) and trying to make a point that doesn't exist.

Post the links.

Jeezo! I'm a Kiwi, currently living in the UK. Are you guys, the guys who are seriously on the tail of transgender people for stamping all over women's' rights, actually defending the British press for their coverage of murder and rape victims? You reckon they actually don't mention how many lovers this one had or who that one was squeezing or had kids with, or lived in a dodgy area?

OP, see if you can re-write your OP in five lines. And refer to a more recent UK example.

I do know what you mean though.

I once spent ages taking photos and writing a (brief, hopefully funny) post asking people just to click. It was for a worthwhile cause and very close to my heart.

But... crickets! I felt quite rejected as I’d tried so hard.

My friend who had posted yet another duck face selfie got 100 likes, but no one cared about my cause.

It’s not personal OP. People may have the time and energy to “like” a picture, but not to engage with these causes we care about. Don’t take it to heart

I'm another who didn't get all the way through the OP but even despite the time difference between the two cases there is a huge difference between the culture of crime in the UK and Australia and New Zealand. The later two have a lot of domestic and drug related violence but they don't have a lot of random violence. People there just don't get hurt or killed by random people like they do here. So on the rare occasion there is a random crime, harm by strangers, it's big news that bring the communities together. Even road rage incidents often make the news over there. It's a completely different culture.

I agree there are significant differences. But the OP’s question, as I understand it, doesn’t actually relate to crime or the media - it amounts to “why do people on social media not respond to posts on serious matter?”

OP please correct me if i’m wrong!

Clearly I have too much time on my hands.. home from work with my little boy who is poorly and asleep 😴

I know exactly what you mean OP. I honestly believe that most people just aren't that interested in discussing society and it's ills. I think it's partly that it's mentally challenging and there is always that risk of conflict which most people avoid because it makes them uncomfortable.

it amounts to “why do people on social media not respond to posts on serious matter?”

She has had that answered. Part of being th reasons listed above. Which include lack of engagement due to it not really making sense.

I discuss politics, news cases etc with friends or at work. Not social media. That's not what I use it for. Just because people don't want to use their social media for these things, doesn't mean they ignore them in real life.

@knittedjest What on earth do you mean people in Oz or NZ 'just don't get hurt or killed by random people like they do here'. What an odd thing to say!