WIBU to hold back a Christmas gift DD7 has been looking forward to ?

[Autumnnymph]

Dd7 hasn’t been looking forward to a rainbocorn for Christmas and I have got one. She has been super atrophy the last
Weeks wirh loads of back chat and defiance.

Yesterday after a particularly bad spell I lost my rag and warned her if she didn’t listen right away she wasn’t getting Rainbocorn on a Christmas Day and would have to earn it. She did t listen and so I said “that’s it - you aren’t getting rainbocorn and have to earn it now” - once she had calmed down we agreed on what she needs to do to earn it back / be polite even when annoyed (she is absolotely lovely when she isn’t stroppy)

Cue good behaviour all day today and now at bed time hasn’t been very defiant - AIBU to tell her no she hasn’t earned the star today that counts towards the rainbocorn?

I know she is tired but am tired of her complete defiance and lashing out at me.

Part of me wishes I hadn’t threatened to hold back rainbocorn as I know how much she has wanted it but I can’t back off now. DH obviously backs me up in front of her but thinks I should have just ignored some of the behaviour rather than react -
Possibly true but am so exhausted !!

Aren't presents supposed to be just that?

I think you have scored a bit of an own goal here.

Let her have the toy on Christmas day.
Decide on a treat she can earn for small improvements in behaviour and have a chart for that.

A day out together or something.
The defiance is prob a stage so I would focus on getting her to realise it is wrong and apologise and do it less.

LEMtheoriginal you are right - which is why I am feeling guilty about threatening to take away a present as presents should be conditional - it definitely wasn’t my shining moment.

I will figure out a way to let her have the toy for a Christmas without her thinking she has escaped the consequence of bad behaviour.

Thanks for all the replies everyone - I did think IWBU to hold back the present but as I tend to be a softie many times wasn’t sure if it was me just giving me

Giving in*

Acting out at bed time shouldn't cancel out the good behaviour during the day.

You need to stick to the plan of earning it back now you have said it, but it needs to be achievable. If it doesn't feel achievable why would she even try? (She tried so hard all day then because she was tired and grumpy that didn't count for anything... No point trying at all tomorrow then!)

What about being able to earn more stars per day? Say 5- with an average of 3 a day being what she actually needs to get it back. Then you have the flexibility not to give her a star if she is really acting out, without her failing over all. (1 for getting up and ready for school, 1 for a positive day at school, one for doing homework straight away no fuss, 1 for following instructions without back chatting all day, and 1 specifically for a good bed time... Or just one every 3 hours or so she's followed "the rules".. whatever works best for you!)
She can count them up Christmas Eve and know she is on Santa's nice list.

Ooh @AuntMarch I like that idea ! We are actually exchanging gifts this weekend as we are away on holiday so it isn’t long to go. I will chat with her tomorrow morning and come up with a plan. On Christmas Day we will be in a hotel so we are only doing her stocking but she is getting her main gifts etc this weekend before we fly out so she can decide which ones she wants to bring and we don’t have to lug everything on an international plane both ways as we did last year.

I remember us bribing my DSCs on a weekend break away - they could earn £X amount per half a day without squabbling but if they managed to earn the full amount by the end of the trip we'd double the lot. Worked a dream and we were only bribing them with the spending money we'd have given them anyway

Could you tell her that her behaviour is making you sad? That is my trump card with dd13 if she is being teenagery

It’s the end of term, they’re all exhausted and she’s actually still quite little.

Think of another punishment - one that happens weeks after the bad behaviour is a rubbish punishment anyway. Deal with the behaviour as it happens, try to get through to the holidays and have a very happy Christmas. I bet after a rest she is a different child.

Definitely doable then, and you don't have to go back on your word either!

(Good plan only taking the stockings too!)

@Didiusfalco we exchange gifts this Saturday as we are away for the holidays -
Should have mentioned that in
My OP - so it’s just two more days and not really weeks.