Can't stop thinking about the boy in soft play

[puglife]

I realise this isn't an AIBU, didn't know where to put this.

I was at soft play the other day with my DD. On the table next to me were 3 mums and their children. One of the mums had a little boy, I think aged about 3-4. I was there for nearly 2 hours and in that time I watched his Mum hit him several times and shout at him for being naughty. The boy would occasionally hit out at another child and when it happened she shouted over to him and then went to grab him by the arm, drag him back to the table, smack his bottom several times whilst shouting at him about how he shouldn't hit (the irony..).

She didn't speak one kind word to the boy. At one point she said "X (name of her friend) will take you home at this rate. Although she'll send you back straight away as she won't want you either" and continuously told him how naughty he was.

I was close to tears at that point seeing the little boy being spoken to like that. He came over to me at one point and was asking me questions about my daughters toy. He did nothing wrong and was polite, but she just kept telling him to stop it and to stop being naughty.

I sat there trying to think of what I could do but ended up leaving doing nothing.

What I saw would definitely warrant a call to safeguarding, but how do you do that when it's a complete stranger and I didn't have any names other than the boys?! I keep thinking about him and just feel so sad about it. I wondered if anyone would have any advice?

my neighbour is just as bad and i have no idea what to do."

I'm surprised you have no idea. It's very easy to report your concerns, you have her address. You just call NSPCC and tell them what you've witnessed. They will decide whether it's concerning enough to pass on to social services.

i tried reporting on the nspcc webpage but it asked for so much info like what are their names.It made me feel like i didnt know enough about their situation to say anything

Even though it's past OP I would just nip into the soft play place and tell them what you saw and how bad it was for all you know she could be a regular so even if they haven't still got any CCTV they could get some of the next time she's there and if she does do it again(which it sadly sounds like she would)they can pass on what they know to the Police who inturn can look into it and get SS involved if they think it's necessary.

If anything like this happens again and your frightened to say anything to the person(and for what it's worth saying anything to the person in the wrong very rarely helps the child/person they're hurting)please report it to someone that works where it's happening,so with the soft play one of the members of staff,in a shopping center/a shop report it to a security guard.

People turn a blind eye now far to much and sadly what you'll see in public is very often the tip of the iceberg compared to what some people will do in private!

Didn’t take long for the ‘might be having a bad day’ comments to come out. People don’t just treat their kids like that as a one off, in public, because they’ve had a bad morning. You don’t tell your child they’re naughty repeatedly even though they’re doing nothing wrong because you’ve had a bad morning. If anything, if you’ve had a rough morning you’d ignore them and let them get on with playing to give yourself a break. You don’t say things like ‘she wouldn’t want you either’, or smack, or drag by the arm, as a one off because of a bad day.

Every MN thread about child abuse is full of abuse apologists and it makes me sick. Every horrific case we hear people stood by and did nothing, social services did nothing and we’ll learn lessons for next time. When you read these threads on MN it is clear why children are repeatedly failed.

Sorry op, my rant isn’t aimed at you and I would struggle to know how to handle the situation too. But I see this on MN regularly and it’s fucking disgusting.

Thanks so much everyone. This has given me a lot to think about. I can't believe that I didn't even think to ring 111 or try and get her registration plate number.

With regards to her friends, they seemed to just accept it. At one point her friend did try to defend the boy and say that their child was as much to blame for the rough play as he was, but to no avail. He still got smacked and shouted at.

I do understand that everyone has their bad days, but as pointed out by previous posters, nothing can excuse abuse.

I work in healthcare, I've done lots of training in safeguarding, so I know what to do when I suspect abuse with children at work... I don't know why in this situation I struggled so much to know what to do.

I know that they go to this soft play on the same days each week so I'm going to go again next week and if she's there, and she's behaving the same way, I feel better prepared now to know what to do.

I'm also going to pop in beforehand and speak to the manager of the soft play to highlight my concerns.

You had a snap shot into this woman's life, she could have had a bad morning.

Bloody hell.

"I know that they go to this soft play on the same days each week so I'm going to go again next week and if she's there, and she's behaving the same way, I feel better prepared now to know what to do.

I'm also going to pop in beforehand and speak to the manager of the soft play to highlight my concerns."

I am very glad to hear this. That boy needs a guardian angel like you :)

ClaryFray Seriously?!? A bad morning does not justify hitting a child!

Safeguarding is everybody's business.
So often neighbours, friends etc have witnessed events but not reported them and fatalities have occurred.
There definitely would be a safeguarding policy at the soft playcentre and informing a member of staff would have escalated your concerns to the appropriate person, who then has a duty of care and responsibility to report this incident to Social services. You witnessed an innocent helpless boy being emotionally and physically abused and it was upsetting for you- imagine how he feels.
Its very possible this family is already known to Social Services and may already have a social worker. Your call to Social Services can be anonymous.
You clearly have a conscience and were very upset by what you saw.
You can make a call to them 24 hours a day. This child deserves so much better than what he is experiencing.

I agree with ladybee28, excellent post.

OP FWIW I agree with PPs that in the first instance you could (and should) report it to the soft play staff.

If you are feeling brave you could also talk to her directly and say what ladybee suggested.

You never know, one or more of her friends might agree with you, and your comments might embolden them to speak up too.

@rosydreams
You give them as much information as possible, it doesn't matter if there is info missing. They also have a phone helpline if you are put off by the online form.

Oh yes, the 'snapshot' bullshit again. Can people please stop saying that, it's utterly unhelpful. If you can't come up with anything a) constructive and b) original, piss off to another thread where you can do less damage. And yes, I know only one person has said it.

Tbh if that's how a parent behaves in public, in front of their friends as well as strangers, it's very worrying indeed. We are usually more inhibited in front of others and especially people we know. I dread to think how she treats him at home

Report it to the police, they will be able to check the footage if necessary.

Do you have to sign in to soft play? They might be able to trace via CCTV/ sign in/ car in car park?

@ladybee28 excellent post.

I think British people are largely uninvolved with those around them.

No idea if other nationalities are the same but I hate that Brits rarely stand up for someone in need.

I try to stand up for people in the way that I would hope someone would stand up for me.

As others have said, report your concerns in the first instance, to the staff at the soft play centre. Lots of excellent advice here. The woman sounds like a horrible bully and she must be brought to account. The fact that the little boy endures this treatment stoically suggests to me that he knows no other way.
So sad.

This is awful. Unfortunately the kind of person who treats their child like this in public is probably worse in private. And they are also the kind of person who, if confronted in public, will take it out on the child in private. It's a pretty dreadful scenario. By all means confront the woman, but make sure you know her full name and/or the child's full name so that afterwards, you can report to SS in order that they can follow up to make sure they child is all right. The other trouble of course is that a child like that will have no trust in any adult now, so is unlikely to tell the truth when asked if he's ok. Awful.

I intervened once many years ago when I saw a mum on the school run hitting her four year old round the head but the result was her chasing me down the street with her fist to my face. I did speak to the school about my concerns though. There were alcohol issues. My neighbours scream at the kids and there is someone else ( a family friend? ) who looks after these kids after school and is also constantly shouting at them. It's hard to now what to do.

@ladybee28 a truly wonderful post.

Follow ladybee’s advice OP and I don’t think you can go far wrong.

Lovely, poignant post ladybee
All this 'snapshot' business annoys the hell out of me. 'Oh he was lovely until that 5 mins when he murdered someone'
We should all challenge this type of thing. Poor boy

Great post @ladybee

"It's hard to now what to do."

It's not hard!! You report to NSPCC and let them decide.

Your reporting may be the evidence the authorities need to intervene. You’re def doing the right thing to go back to the soft play and report it.