To assume non RSVP isn’t coming and invite another child

[RoseLillian]

Dd1 turns 3 after Christmas. Thought I’d do a small party this year as big party the year before was quite stressful straight after Christmas. Venue is for up to 10 children. With Dd, her sister and cousins only 4 places for friends from nursery. Asked nursery for names of 4 children she plays with most. We were given 3 names of children we know she plays with, but was surprised by the 4th as never heard her mentioned. Sent invites to the 4. Asked Dd after about 4th child and she said she didn’t like her. Was a bit taken aback, but guess it doesn’t mean a lot at this age as quickly change heir minds. Anyway deadline for RSVP was yesterday and no response from this child. Another couldn’t come so have invited another child this time asking Dd who she wanted. As only having 4 friends from nursery want to fill the spaces and there are 3 other children I know she plays with. The thing is I don’t know if this child is coming or not. Is it ok by the lack of response to assume she is not? Now got very limited time on the run up to Christmas, so if I am inviting another child need to get the invite out.

No, it’s B-listing and very rude. Who wants to be a second choice, back up invite?

Just call the child’s parents and say if you don’t hear by X you will assume they can’t make it.

I wouldn’t assume the child isn’t coming. Can you chase?

No, never assume, you often get non-repliers who turn up. If ten is the max, what would you do if you ended up with eleven?

Who wants to be a second choice, back up invite?

I don't think a three year old will care, to be honest. I would send a polite reminder to the child's parents and if they can't come I would have no hesitation in inviting another child.

I would just pass a note in nursery (sane way as you left invite) asking for a response by pick up else you assume they’re not going

No, it’s B-listing and very rude. Who wants to be a second choice, back up invite?

It’s a 3 year olds birthday party not a wedding. It involves an activity so has a minimum number of 8 (which I have met). If I hadn’t would you say I should cancel the whole thing rather than invite ‘B listers’ as you would put it.

Unfortunately I don’t even know the child let alone the parents, so only way of getting in contact is via the nursery. I left my mobile number on the invite for them to get back to me. Have asked nursery to remind them to respond. I guess I know I can’t really invite another child until they do.

Dd is quite a sociable child and plays with lots of children. It was difficult for us to select who to invite (apart from 1 obvious). That’s why we asked nursery. It would be a shame not to fill the numbers when there are lots of children I know Dd would like to have there.

Find it so rude that people don’t respond to invites.

This non replying person will probably turn up with their DCs sibling too!

WidowTwonky - yes perhaps we should put it as you said.

The max for venue is 10 and minimum is 8? That's a very small margin!
So, you've invited 4 to make 8? That's quite risky.
Always invite a couple more because of people not going, or assume you may pay for less than the minimum numbers.

The child won't realise they're second choice, but the parents will.

Is it actually an activity that has a minimum number and you would be forced to cancel?
Or is it an activity where you have to pay for a minimum number?

I once booked an activity with minimum numbers of 25 for just six kids. The people didn’t care how many kids turned up - they cared that I paid for use.

I’d call if you can - unfortunately you can never assume that not responders are not coming . You always get at least one or two

Sorry, I think I may have confused people. It is for 8 to 10 children for this age group. It is 8 to 20 for older kids who don’t need an adult with them. They also limit 1 adult per child which I explained on the invite.

So Dd1 and Dd2, 4 cousins and 4 children from nursery. Makes 10. 1 from nursery couldn’t come and 1 non RSVP, so have met the minimum of 8. I was just responding to ZoeWashburne to say if I hadn’t would she expect me to cancel rather than invite more children that she would describe as B list.

I have already sent out an extra invite for the child who definitely can’t make it. I would just like to fill the numbers as worried Dd would be disappointed if there weren’t 4 of her friends from nursery.

The parents might realise they are second choice. I wouldn’t have thought they would care though. I certainly wouldn’t if it was Dd, especially if it’s to something with such limited numbers. Would just think it will be nice for her to go.

I'd rather be B list than not get an invite at all.

You can't assume the child won't attend
You can't invite another child as a second choice (and yes, some parents will certainly care, especially if they think your child is best friends with theirs - there are dozens of threads on MN about not being invited to children's parties).

If you do want to offer out the spare space, best bet is to ask a sibling of another child that is coming.

Didn't you ask your DD about whether she wanted this child to come, before you sent out the invitations? It just seems odd that you invited a child you'd never heard DD mention.

But, regardless, I wouldn't assume they're not coming and invite someone else. I've seen enough posts on here from people complaining about people not RSVPing, yet turning up, and others bringing along siblings who weren't invited.
I doubt your DD will notice how many friends she has there. Just leave the space open.

I think you can assume not coming. And if they turn up then just politely explain. Unlikely they wd turn up and you don’t want to waste the slot...