I’m a regular poster but using a name I’ve not regularly posted under as I know some friends and family are MNetters and this might be outing. Not really an AIBU but I’m going round in circles and would be really grateful for some perspectives. Sorry it’s long, didn’t want to dripfeed.
DP and I are getting married autumn 2020. It’s a long way away for various reasons, including saving (he wants a big celebration, I don’t mind if he’s happy) my complicated work/studying situation when we got engaged and started booking stuff, and a particular date that year we decided it was worth waiting an extra few months more. We’re both happy with this date and have already booked a lot of things.
We then decided we’d start TTC to try and have a baby before the wedding, but not so soon to the wedding that we’d have a brand new born. This gave us about a year of TTC, if we weren’t pregnant in that time we’d stop until after the wedding. If we aren’t pregnant in a year that would also be the time to have any investigations needed at that point. DP has a medical condition which may affect his sperm, although it’s not a given. I’m also 31 and have never been pregnant, I was conscious that waiting until after our wedding would put me at nearly 33 and starting to get into trickier territory, particularly if we were to have trouble, and as we would currently like several children thought let’s just get on with it. This seemed like a good plan and we were both happy with it. First month TTC was last month, though as expected I didn’t get pregnant so quickly.
For complicated reasons I won’t go into, I had to get a new job suddenly in the last couple of months. Too much detail would be outing but let’s just say I was sort of made redundant, I certainly wouldn’t have chosen to look for a new job when we’d just started TTC. I’d been thinking for a while I wasn’t in the right job, but knew it would be a good position to stay in whilst TTC/having baby, so was fine with that compromise.
Somehow by the grace of God I found a new job really quickly, and a brilliant one at that. It’s like a job was written for me - the role and the organisation are perfect and I’m so happy to be there. I haven’t been this happy getting up for work probably ever. I also don’t want to make things difficult for them by going on maternity really soon, though I know it wouldn’t be that hard to get maternity cover for me (not very senior job)
But now I feel so conflicted, because I want to keep TTC, we’re so ready for a baby, but I also really want to do this job. I know it could still take a year or more to get pregnant so I could be there ages before any maternity leave, and ultimately I know in my heart I would put a baby before a job (I can get more jobs, but I have a limit to how long I’m fertile) Part of me feels like holding off for just a couple of months so at the least I’d be at the job for a full year before maternity leave. But the deadline of our wedding wants me to give us as much time in our window as possible. Moving wedding forward isn’t financially an option. I also don’t really want to have to move it back as it’s alresdy ages away!
I’d settled on ‘let’s not ‘try try’ but just do what we’d usually do and let the universe decide’ for a few months, but now I’m going back and forth again. Would appreciate any words of wisdom