WIBU to ask family member to stop emailing me questions?

[TheOrigBrave]

Every single email contains so many questions.
I have already filtered her email address so I don't see it in my inbox.
I've tried to leave more time to reply. I've tried to let them all build up and then do marathon reply session.
She's not taking the hint.

So I've asked her if she can stop.
I have told her it makes me anxious for the ball always to be in my court so I have accepted that it's my issue, but I suspect she will take it personally.

It's sucking the joy out of any gift she's kindly getting for my sons and me.

She may have a hidden disability such as ASD or anxiety. You should given them some leeway and support them instead of upsetting them.

What sort of questions?

@penisbeakerfan1 how is that the OPs responsibility? She needs to manage her own anxiety.
I’d send all her emails to my junk box and not respond, if she stopped buying gifts or whatever that’s up to her.

She is family, I know she doesn't have a hidden disability. On the other hand she knows I am under a lot of pressure.

Questions about what?

Questions about what you and your sons want for Christmas? You would be VERY unreasonable to tell her stop if that's the case.

Questions about Great Aunt Maud? That would be understandable.

If it's your MIL, and the conversation has been

• What would DC like for Christmas?
• Any kind of scooter, size 100cm

And she is now sending you questions about 50 million kinds of scooters and it doesn't matter and she could of course also ask her own son, then YANBU.

There's not much to go on, OP, but if your relative is anything like my DM and MIL you have my sympathy. I could be trying to stop my ASD son screaming, trying to compose an email, trying to sort the washing, anything … and they would be 'what shall I get you for Christmas? Do you want an X? What about DC? Do they like X? Which Y do they like? Can you show me a picture? etc etc They mean well but their timing is terrible! In my case I think I'm always busy and they aren't: if I say I'll sort something out for them they want it sorting immediately, and will remind me over and over. When you're trying to do other things and someone is badgering you for an answer, you can't help but get agitated.

I'll come back later and answer your questions

NoLeslie has it really.

It's not so much the timing - I can choose when to read (or not), it just the volume and also that when I think I'm done, tick it off the list and move onto the next thing, she'll ask something else.

At the moment it IS about Xmas presents so you can call me an ungrateful moo if you like, but really....she'd be better off giving me the money and I'll just do it.

Her: What would DS like?
Me: some lego (and I include about 4 or 5 amazon links).
Her: this one?
Me: Yes
Her: OK, he can have something else as well then.
Me: OK - a book (links included).
Her: OK.
Her: Shall I get them delivered to you
Me: No (WTF?)
Her: They've been dispached to you as we'll be seeing you and I know you like wrapping up (I actually fell off the world when she said that, there is no way I have EVER said such a thing).
Her: They're arriving tomorrow, will you be in
Her: They say they've been delivered, have they?

And then I have to wrap the buggers up. She is very kind to pick something out for me, but also gets that sent directly to me. At this time of year I can't know what's in a package so I always find out what she's chosen. Not a big deal, but a shame when it would be lovely to get one or two suprises.

nb I am not so blunt, all the manners are in there as well.

So that's Xmas and one person. I have another son.

Call me a humbug....but actually I feel better for writing all that out, so now I shall be a nicer relative.

You need to stonewall.

Start off as before:
Her: What would DS like?
Me: some lego (and I include about 4 or 5 amazon links).
Her: this one?
Me: Yes
Her: OK, he can have something else as well then.

At this point DS has a nice present from her, guaranteed. From now on, you can stonewall.

You: Oh, thank you.
Her: What would he like?
You: Whatever you think. You choose.
Her: Does he like books?
You: He likes all sorts of things. You choose, it will be fine.
(and repeat, and repeat, and repeat, adding no information at all, til she gives up and thinks with her own brain.)
Her: They're arriving tomorrow, will you be in
You: I don't know, I might be, but I might go out.
etc.

This means you do have to let her make mistakes e.g. give something DS doesn't especially like. That is always the risk with surprise presents - sometimes they unexpectedly hit the spot, other times they don't work. Fake joy yourself over everything, also on behalf of DS who is too young to fake joy himself.

The delivery and wrapping stuff I would answer Yes or No but let it go and don't worry when she gets it wrong. I think you and she may be in a loop where she thinks you will be upset if she gets it wrong, so she keeps asking. Let her make mistakes.

Good luck!

I wouldn't bother wrapping her presents. Leave them in the delivery box. Children don't care that much. If your DS asks why, just say they were delivered by post and that's why they are in boxes instead of wrapped.

As for the questions, assuming it is your MIL as you hinted earlier, can't you just refer her to your partner (her child)?

Yes, why isn't she directing all these questions to her son?
Set up the emails so they forward on to him.

Sorry, you sound stressed but that’s an incredibly normal interaction.

Not MIL, boys' great aunt (ex's side of family) ie no partner.

Yeah, I am stressed, and she knows it.

I hear you OP. I typed out an outing message which I’ve deleted, so just want to say I hear you. YANBU.

My MIL tries to send stuff to me to wrap. I struggle to find the time to wrap our own gifts, so shed loads of stuff that I actually don't want her to give in the first place is really annoying. My MIL justifies it as "if there's snow they might not make it to us for Christmas Day. I eventually had to be blunt and explain that my DC can wait if that happens, so they know who the presents are from, and given that I work full time I really don't have time for more wrapping.

I am taking charge.

Email in today telling me she is giving me 4 of her already-read book for Christmas.

I've deleted it. I will say thank you when she actually gives them to me as a gift. It's odd to email someone to tell them this, isn't it?

nb she is very good at picking books out for me, so they will be great, I know that.