Does anyone have advice how to build them self up from nothing?

[spoon19996]

I'm at an all time low and think the worst of myself in everywhere. How am I as a person, how I act, that no ones likes me just tolerates me, anyone could do a better job at partnering than me and I feel like the ugliest person in the world. (Which looks have never bothered me at all before ever it's all steamed from being so low).

Is there any tips how to build yourself up?

Thanks in advance

Hello Spoon19996 - you sound exhausted you poor thing. You don’t mention what decade you are in - do you feel comfortable sharing that? Have you had any major trauma recently or has this felt like a general emotional decline? Could it be hormone related (our hormones drive every critical part of our bodies). We all have periods throughout our lives where we feel unloved, not liked, tolerated etc and that’s ok to a certain extent but you sound like you are barely tolerating yourself and that is worrying. Please please confide in a friend or family member and be honest - tell them, warts and all, how you’re feeling. Call your go practice in the morning and insist on seeing someone. Honestly and absolutely there will be help out there for you. Hang in there.

Hello spoon. Everything always looks at its worst in the early hours of the morning. Rafabella has some good advice: do confide in someone in real life. We all have moments of thinking poorly of ourselves and whilst we all have our faults we all have good qualities as well and are worthy of love. I hope that you are getting some sleep now; but when you wake, start with small things, think of every tiny positive and start from there. When you find negatives, think of small steps which you can take to change things- no overnight miracles, just little positive steps in the right direction

I found a book called learned optimism helpful when I was low. It comes highly recommended.
Please don't be hard on yourself.
A long walk alone amongst nature is very nourishing for the soul, if you can.
Do you have a pet?
My dog saved me from a very sad place, I had something I loved and had to care for and he brought great joy.
Meditation and mindfulness is also helpful to avoid negative spirals too. Is there a meditation class or group near you? A Buddhist centre?
I hope you manage to get some rest tonight.
X

I have found listening to the radio comforting, so many stories that take your mind off things and transport you to other places. I like reading books too or finding new music to listen to. I like to learn new things. Perhaps you could find something similar. Find something soothing, relaxing

I separate out the negative voices as not being me, and as soon as they start in my head I block them by saying either in my mind or if alone out loud ‘No - this is not you. You are enough and you are worthy. People like you, my friends have been friends for ages, and I do deserve to be loved ‘ - or I am kind to myself and talk myself through the negative, reminding myself that I am a good person and the crappy negative can go do one!
Be kind to you, refuse to give the negative head space, if it was a second person you wouldn’t let them speak to you like that, so please don’t allow yourself to

Exercise. 30 min every day, be it walking, running, swimming, youtube

Once a week go for a walk, in a park, hills, beach. Going back to nature is good for you. Just watch nature do its thing.

Eat properly. Slice of toast in the morning, sandwich at lunchtime and cooked food in the evening.

Shower twice a day. Seriously. It’s the first sign I’m ‘going down’ if I don’t shower twice a day.

Lose yourself in a book or a movie.

Talk/write in a diary. I write every morning.

Practise mindfulness. The Kabat-Zinn one comes with a CD, it’s a doodle to use, 10 min meditations.

Hth.

Are you able to work out what is triggering your self perception? Are you perhaps very tired or is depression something you suffer with?
Start with little kindnesses to yourself and put those horrid thoughts away.
Good mood lifters include going for a walk somewhere green or beautiful. It might feel like you don’t have time but you should like you could become unwell if you don’t take action to help yourself now. A country park, the real country, a beach or canal path. Just on your own or with those you love and walk and enjoy the moment. Even if it’s pouring down, being outside walking is a mood lifter.

Then recognise the good in yourself.
You’re definitely not the ugliest person in the world. I can say that with absolute certainty. Nice warm, scented, lingering bath with a mug of tea. Indulge yourself. Paint your toenails. Blow dry your hair, put lipstick on.
Force a smile at everyone you see. Speak to people in passing; chatter to everyone. Get smiles back. Do small kindnesses - holding doors open, picking up,dropped gloves for someone, telling someone their child is beautifully behaved. People smile back. It’s a nice feeling.

Do you have a partner ATM?

Is he kind and supportive? Was your last partner?

Find a good therapist - BCAP website someone who’s been practicing for years or who trains/supervises others. They will help you develop a new narrative about who you really are.
Then - as others have said - exercise (couch to 5k was good for bringing me out of a bad place), shower, eat nourishing, healthy food, avoid too much alcohol and caffeine. If you are in any way creative then create (for me the act of making stills my mind which is the form of mindfulness that I find most helpful). Do anything that stills your mind but avoid doing too much that numbs your mind.
Good luck. Don’t let the bad thoughts rule.