To skip the Christmas party?

[Embmum]

There’s a Christmas party at my work on Friday. I’m currently on mat leave so couldn’t wait to catch up with my colleagues and have my first big night out in a long time. I’ve agonised over what to wear for the past week and pestered my friend regularly to make sure she got me a ticket. Now it’s almost here and the reality of leaving my partner to watch the kids has completely destroyed all excitement. We have two under 2 and they’re both extremely difficult in the evening. I know how hard it is for me when he’s at work and I have to do bedtime on my own. It’s twice as difficult for him as they both settle much quicker when I have them. Sometimes he can’t stop my youngest from crying no matter what he does! I feel so selfish for even wanting to go out and put him through this and I’ve cancelled on an event before for the same reason. Am I being a smothering mother?

I would have no hesitation in skipping the event if I didn't want to go. And I would, because I am not a party person.
However, if I wanted to go, which I presume you do, I would go without a backward glance. It will give your DP a chance to be a dad without your input. Which, I think, will be good for all of you.

I think so, a bit. Your DH has to be able to cope with his own children and the only way they're all going to learn that is by doing it. If he's offered to look after the children then go and enjoy yourself. He can phone you if it all kicks off and you can speak to your DCs to reassure them, or in a worse case scenario you can go home.

Thanks very much to both of you for your replies! I think to be honest I just needed someone to tell me it’s okay to still go. I know you’re both right and it’s probably a good thing to leave him to it - will keep telling myself this

you should totally still go. You cannot put your life on hold and it is good for the children to get a nighttime bond with their other parent. If you are always there to help it could look like you dont trust your partner to get the job done. And if he does have a hard time getting them to bed he will appreciate you doing it even more x Also it is good for the children to know that you go out and that you will always come back to them x

@wednesday32 thanks very much for your reply. You’ve made some good points! I’ll definitely keep them in mind tomorrow when it comes time to leave and I know I’ll be second guessing my decision to go. I don’t know why I feel I have to protect DP from having a hard time with the kids - it’s a part of parenting for both Mums and Dads. Need to just let him have these experiences

If you're thinking of not going because you don't fancy it then that's fine.
If it's because you don't want to leave the kids with DH than you are being unreasonable. Would he have the same thought process? Having two parents who take equal responsibility will make your life so much easier in the long run.

Also think about if you couldn't be there for some reason in the future- that would be much more traumatic and difficult. Have a great party- sounds like you deserve it!

You should definitely go, I am sure if he had a party to go to you wouldn’t even think twice about it. Enjoy yourself and have a catch up with everyone :)

Thanks everyone - really appreciate all your replies and reassurance about this! Unfortunately everyone has started coming down with a cold today so have fears about the whole house being miserable tomorrow however, taking into account everything that’s been said in this post, I’m still going to go to the party. Think it’s going to be good for all of us

Hope you have a great time.