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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To find this petty?

43 replies

Dutchesss · 11/12/2018 22:09

It's a good friends 30th birthday (Louise). Louise's friend Sue is arranging a weekend away as a surprise for Louise's 30th birthday. I only know Sue through Louise.
Sue finds a holiday house to rent and books it before asking anyone, it is a set price at £5000 for the weekend and sleeps up to 20 people.
14 friends of Louise are going. Of those 14 myself and one other person only want to do one night due to childcare arrangements and cost.
Myself and the other person ask to pay the equivalent of 1 person between us and stay just one night.
Sue says no, if we do one night we'll have to stay in a local hotel as the house is rented for 2 nights.
AIBU to think this is petty? It will bring down the overall cost for everyone else if we pay for one night plus there are plenty of spare beds to go round.
I want to say I'm not going at all now but Louise is a good friend.

OP posts:

Original poster

Dutchesss · 11/12/2018 23:11

I can see sues point of view. If she agrees to one night for you at half price then others will follow suit and suddenly not be able to make the second night.
I should probably add, Sue always knew I would most likely only do one night because of childcare, it falls on a bad weekend with DH being away. I don't know the other persons situation as I only know her through Louise. 18 of us agreed on a date, but nothing more.

OP posts:

VictoryOrValhalla · 11/12/2018 23:14

Sue jumped the gun and will now be left with 12 (or fewer?) angry women having to take out a mortgage to celebrate their mates birthday.

HoneysuckIejasmine · 11/12/2018 23:14

She's a fool to have booked it.

You say go out in the evening... I thought the whole point of a house was that you stayed there. A night on the town is huge expense.

I'd drop out too

ThePinkOcelot · 11/12/2018 23:16

5000 pounds for a weekend?!! Wow! Extortion!

itswinetime · 11/12/2018 23:19

So is sue saying if you only stay for 1 night you can't be at the house at all only Join the party for events outside the house lunch shopping ect?

Or you can be at the house all day but you can't sleep there??

Option one I would say I understand and then once the weekend is over explain what happened to lousier and treat her to something nice just the 2 of you. You will still save money.

If it's option 2 go join in on the day and then pop of to you hotel again spending money sue can explain why!

TrippingTheVelvet · 11/12/2018 23:19

I would be every bit as petty back and book into a local hotel and get a taxi to drop me off first thing and lift me when everyone's going to bed. And explain to Louise that you weren't allowed to stay in the house. Additional bonus aside from dropping Sue in it would be a cooked breakfast in the hotel

M4J4 · 11/12/2018 23:22

The thought did cross my mind,(especially having to see Sue explain it to Louise) however there's activities and a hot tub in the house so I imagine a lot of time will be spent there before going out in the evening. I think I'd rather not go at all. There were 18 friends who agreed on a date before Sue booked the house, now 4 have had 'something come up'.

I don't think that's your intention, OP, but she may have had others try to do something like this?

FlyingMonkeys · 11/12/2018 23:36

Crikey! I'd book into a Travel lodge for 50 quid and take Sue's hand off for the offer. I suspect she hopes you'll just feel guilt tripped into extending your stay (& cash) to two nights.

BackforGood · 11/12/2018 23:49

I think M4J4 is right about the cost, and, therefore don't think 'Sue' is 'being petty' at all.
However
I do think 'Sue' is living in cloud cuckoo land if she thinks 13 people are going to shell out £384 each just for accommodation (so presumably food, and drink on top, plus getting there plus babysitters etc) for a mate's birthday.
That is the unreasonable part, not the 'expecting everyone to pay for the weekend' bit.

nutellalove · 11/12/2018 23:50

£450 for a friends birthday don't think I'd even spend that on my own birthday.... misses point of thread YANBU OP

Original poster

Dutchesss · 12/12/2018 09:30

Actually, she may be thinking you'll turn up on Saturday morning, and spend all of Saturday and all of Sunday there partaking of the activities and hot tub, so only really miss out on Friday evening and night and pay half of what everyone is paying.
I hadn't even thought about that, so maybe she does have a point. I hoped she would have booked something simple like a hotel where it would be easy to pay for one night or two. I could have pushed to two nights but I feel like that would have been too much for my parents, my 2 year old isn't a good sleeper and my parents aren't young anymore. I told Sue this morning that I'm not coming at all. I'll do something else with Louise to make it up to her.

OP posts:

M4J4 · 12/12/2018 09:37

I think that's the right decision. If you're staying at a local hotel they may treat you like a second tier participant and begrudge you the hot tub and activities. A shame for Louise but not your fault.

MrsFezziwig · 12/12/2018 09:54

Also I think at that price Sue should not only have agreed a date before booking but checked that everyone was prepared to pay that amount of money for the trip as it’s far from a cheap deal.

No wonder people are dropping out - although I have a some sympathy for Sue as it’s a totally thankless task being an organiser, everyone’s always “oh yes, definitely want to go” and then when they actually get their brains in gear start realising they either can’t or aren’t prepared to make it. Did you let Sue know from the outset that you could only do one night? (actually I’ve just noticed that you could do two nights, you just don’t want to).

Twickerhun · 12/12/2018 10:06

Did you know the cost range before it was booked?

Original poster

Dutchesss · 12/12/2018 10:14

Did you let Sue know from the outset that you could only do one night? (actually I’ve just noticed that you could do two nights, you just don’t want to).
Yes, Sue knew this from the start, I told her it falls on a weekend that DH is away so I would most likely only do one night.

Did you know the cost range before it was booked?
Yes and no, hotels in the area we are going range from £80 to £130 for a night so I guess at the top end it wouldn't have been much different. The house and split cost wasn't mentioned before it had been booked.

OP posts:

BadLad · 12/12/2018 12:52

Sue says no, if we do one night we'll have to stay in a local hotel as the house is rented for 2 nights.

I agree with a PP. Snap this offer right up. Reply to it as if Sue has helpfully come up with a solution to your problem, rather than passive-aggressively trying to guilt-trip you into doing what she wants.

I've got some sympathy for Sue in that these things are a pain in the arse to organise, but she was fucking stupid to commit a load of money without getting it from all the participants first.

I doubt that any friendship you and Sue have will last much longer after this party, so i wouldn't worry about pissing her off.

jay55 · 12/12/2018 13:03

This is one of those things where the birthday girl will feel utterly shit if she finds out two friends were excluded and probably embarrassed at the cost.

InDubiousBattle · 12/12/2018 14:08

I agree Jay, I bet it turns out that all 6 who have dropped out from the original 18 did so because of the silly money the accommodation costs too.

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