Constant requests for money in work

[Ourmaud]

So I probably aibu and I’m quite prepared to be told so but this is driving me crazy! I work for a large company in a field that is generally very well paid and is really keen on team building, charitable endeavours and the like. I’m just coming off maternity leave and our last 3 months have been managing solely on dh’s wage. I haven’t bought the kids any Christmas gifts yet and we really are on the bones of our arses. In my office so far this week there’s been requests for £10 managers gift, £15 secret Santa, new toys for a toy appeal, a shoebox full of gifts and some food for a local food bank. I wouldn’t usually mind but I am currently hugely overdrawn, paying nursery fees on my credit cards and borrowing money from my parents to pay for food and fuel until payday. I’ve just been informed that all our donations will be pitted against another site so make sure I’m not stingy and it’s just all got on top of me. I don’t want to be the grinch of the office but I genuinely can’t afford it all.

WTF are you buying your manager a gift? Managers buy teams gifts, not the other way round!

Oh bless your heart, I've been there in the past. It's so difficult. No advice I'm afraid, I know back in the day I just about managed to do it and I'm sure you will too. However people should really be sensitive to the financial situations of others, we're not all made of money.

Apart from telling your managers about your situation, which of course you shouldn't have to do and feels incredibly demeaning, I have no advice. I wouldn't be donating though.

You're not on your own - we have massive amounts of debt and most months are only just able to scrape by with help from parents. December and January are the worst months even though we try our best not to go overboard and the constant requests for money left, right and centre just add to the stress.

Either be honest (I suspect some others will be grateful) or tell a small fib and say you’ve already donated elsewhere (and it isn’t in your budget to make an additional donation).

I just say oh yes I'll get round to that and just keep saying it and never do it and I don't care if people do notice and realise what I've done because I'm fucking skint and I don't want to pay out anymore than I should have. My situation is also temporary and I'll be ok in a few months but in a big company where everyone knows you're well paid it's so awkward but also you can't directly say no. Just a tip for you OP good luck!

Just say no. It’s not hard

Just tell them you already give to your own charities. You’ve popped food into food collection cart at local shop. You can make up to charities when u have money.
Say your opting out of secret Santa this year as too busy/ have no time/ kids sick...

Say no, be assertive and confident.

Can you not just be honest? "What with being on maternity leave and all the childcare I now need to pay for, I can't really afford to contribute this time. Sorry."

I think it’s outrageous that you’re even being asked by your work to do this! No one knows the financial constraints that individuals have or whether the charities are ones you would want to support .It’s beyond outrageous of them to make it into some sort of weird competition too. Would be a firm NO from me.

I know, I am surrounded by collections for more bastard people who are leaving -us in the lurch- or for flowers for people returning from sick leave while drowning in my own stress. Oh well maybe the flowers will be for me once I burn out. OP - I give when I feel like it or when I have cash, and I just nod and smile and ignore when I don’t want to.

No advice but this might cheer you up.
MIL office were asked by manager to contribute for a leaving gift for someone they all hated. He kicked it off with a £10 note, it went all round the office. When it got back to manager it had £9.50 in change in the pot 🤣

You're borrowing money for food and thought it was a good idea to have a baby?

Learn to say no - without explanation if you can. Otherwise say you donate to your own chosen charity monthly/yearly and don't feel bad for refusing any other requests. For secret Santa just say you do it with family and that's enough - it won't matter anyway as you won't care about not getting a crappy gift from a work colleague who may or may not even know you well. As for money for the manager - I despair!

Just say My dc aren’t going to miss out so I can beat some other office or whatever - the answer is I can’t give what I don’t have

If there is a "general" appeal - for example it sounds like food, shoe boxes of stuff and toys are not specifically addressed to you - then ignore them. No one is going to chase you down - and if they do see the next paragraph!

If something is specific to you (e.g. email saying "Dear OurMaud please contribute X to present whatever") then simply reply "Would love to, but I have only just come back to work and money is pretty tight at the moment so I'm sorry I can't at the moment". If someone asks you for money then a simple "Sorry, I can't afford to at the moment" will suffice.

We used have a load of collections for all sorts of stuff unless I actually knew the person well and valued their friendship I didn't contribute. We did have a lady who organised collection after collection for everything! She once "confided" in me how difficult it was for her and I told her she had made a rod for her own back and we were all tired of it! She stopped (in a bit of a huff) and things have been better since!

She said until payday. Sheesh!

She's had the baby, ffs. She hasn't had a salary for months. RTFT.

Managers gift ffs. Stop giving what you can’t afford. I never gave to these collections and made it clear I didn’t want anything on so called big birthdays or when I left.

@NameChangeOhNameChange1 thanks for your input. I’m sure you’ll sleep better for judging a stranger on the internet. I can afford my children, however as I explained we have only had one wage for a few months and a huge car repair which was unexpected and left us stuck. I’m not complaining I’m skint- payday is only 10 days away. I’m complaining about work colleagues pressuring me at a really bad time.

Perhaps they ought be buying YOU! gifts dosen't anyone realise what its like at that child rearing time and the costs involved??

Be honest OP, say you cannot be putting to anything to after January maybe February, if atall.

I used to work in a Company in Edinburgh, many years ago, which has a similar generous ethos, things got so ridiculous that in one day, I had 4 collections come across my desk.

I genuinely, like you OP, could not afford it. Turns out I was not alone, the Company themselves stepped in and banned the circulating of Collections. I was so relieved.

Say no OP and think no more about it. Keep saying no even when your finances are better, so that if anyone starts another collection, you won't be approached. Ignore the haters. If anyone actually added up the cost of children - no one would have them! I've got 4 DC. The first pay day after a year off having a baby used to feel like a fortune after scrimping on one wage.

Did you do a name change @namechangeohnamechange1 to try and hide your thundercunt tendencies? Because if so it didn’t work.

OP I would go to your manager and advise you won’t be putting in for anything that costs you money as your currently only avoiding a food bank yourself because your parents are helping. And that if that makes you stingy then do be it but you really think it’s unfair to be putting pressure on staff at the most expensive time fo the year.

We have a rule requests for donations, collections, etc can only be done over email or Yammer once. No one is allowed to approach anyone directly for money. Works well for us and collections are usually reasonable. Company matches any charity donations and those who can afford it are generous, those who can't or dont want to are anonymous and not put under any pressure.

Just be assertive and point out that you have had no income for the last few months and are now paying out for childcare so you cannot afford it. Don't offer any further explanation, just repeat until others give up asking.