To ask you if you have been to see a medium?

[LottieLou90]

My mum passed away when I was 12. The night of her death I was very ill. Taken to hospital etc nothing wrong just a bug. The next day my dad had a phone call to say she had died.

I thought I ‘felt’ her a few times. I’m now almost 30 and for the past few months I’ve dreamt of her. I couldn’t see her but she’s calling my name and I’m running through a house / woods looking for her.

Anyway, I mentioned this to my friend and she has suggested seeing a medium. My friend is a huge believer in the afterlife but I feel like I would be looking for ‘answers’ or something that’s not there. Especially as it’s so close to Christmas. Plus it’s a lot of money.

Have you ever experienced anything or seen a medium and have any negative / positive answers?

TIA

They're either deluded or scam artists, love. Is there someone else who knew your mum that you could talk to about the dreams, share memories?

The only person I’ve told is my friend.

My dad went through depression after her death and although he talks about her, it almost feels awkward to bring up her death as it hurt him so much.

I miss her. Every day but I can’t shake these dreams. Maybe because it’s coming up to Christmas? I don’t know.

Thank you for your reply. It’s cemented my thoughts x

I'm sorry about your mum. I think dreams are often your subconscious going over things from your past, from recent to distant. Some dreams it's not about what happens in the dream but more about the feelings it generates. Some are more about unresolved issues for example might be wishing you'd had chance to say goodbye.

I think there might be mediums who are OK. However there are millions of stories about the majority of them not being genuine. Unless you had a personal recommendation you wouldn't know.

Just my opinion. I hope whatever you do it works out

They talk nonsense. One told me I was going to hair a haircut and move to Australia - I did neither. And she was endorsed with, "As seen on the BBC." Save your money or spend it on a counsellor who can help to work through your grief and not exploit you when you're feeling so vulnerable

Big hug and flowers for you

I lost my mum when I was 7 and am about your age it seems. I still find the special occasions like Christmas hard. My own recommendation when these feelings are at play is a really good old chat with someone who knew her over a cup of tea and a good cry (and happy memory and sad cry).

Xx

I’m so sorry, OP.

The other posters are right, save your money and put it towards something lovely to remember your mum by. Maybe a trip somewhere connected to her.

Do try talking to your dad again. I know you don’t want to upset him but no one knew her like he did and I’m sure talking about it together will do you both the world of good, even though it will be hard at first. Once you’ve had that initial big conversation, you will find it hurts less and less to talk about her xx

My friend's mum is apparently a medium, although only does it at a spiritualist church, never for money.

While I was having trouble concieving she told me I'd be having a baby sooner than I thought. Since I was doing everything possible to try and get pregnant, that wasn't really a great leap.

I don't think visiting a medium is going to help you. I think a therapist would possibly be a better bet, to help you unpick all the emotions from when you lost your mum.

You poor love, I'm so sorry for your loss. Please don't go to a medium they are just ghouls feeding off people's misery, the lowest of the low. Find a councillor or a vicar or someone like that to talk to

Thank you all. I really appreciate your replies.
I will talk to my dad after Christmas I think.

Maybe I do need counselling. It’s just so hard right now. It’s been 18 years and these dreams just feel so real all of a sudden

Thank you all again

Don't go to a medium. If it were real, it shouldn't be messed with IMO.

You should see a counsellor to help you work things through. Cruse may be able to help, they are a bereavement charity.

Is it possible you are approaching the age she died, or the time of year you lost her? That can trigger things,

@LottieLou90 I've seen a clairvoyant medium 4 times. The same one 3 times and another the once. I found it reassuring and found it led me to feel more at peace not just with my bereavement but with a lot of other things I had going on in my life. She never told me anything that was unnerving. She told me what the last thing that was said to me by my loved one, in French. Which had no significant meaning other than the translation. X

A medium has no reason to (genuinely) help you. They don't want to cut off an income stream and want you to return again and again because you still need more "answers".

Most are experts in cold reading and you will come away feeling that you have heard something profound which related only to you, but was in fact fairly general or they have found out beforehand.

If you want to explore the idea of an afterlife, perhaps a church would be more appropriate? Or any religion really. Most of the clergy I know offer bereavement counselling without pushing their own religious agenda.

I really hope you find some peace, but I'm afraid you are looking in the wrong place for it.

I really wouldn’t. I watched a friend go to one regularly and watched the medium spin her yarn after yarn. I didn’t pour water on it because she needed it at the time iyswim, but I could see through it. He did get a couple of things right, things he couldn’t have actually known (because one was about me and I hadn’t told her or anyone else and she approached me with what he had said though he had never met me), but on the whole I think it’s a grain of truth with a whole lot of spinning. There are better ways to find peace. Some counselling would be good, or perhaps even chat to your local vicar - they can be wonderful in times of need at giving you comfort or putting you in touch with a support group.

No. Don't believe in them.

I’d probably sell my soul to the devil if it meant I could communicate with my dad (he died two months ago). I don’t believe mediums, psychics or clairvoyants have any powers to do so unfortunately, I would never go to see one.

I say this with the deepest of respect - mediums are either scammers or they have serious MH issues if they believe they can speak to the dead.

I went to one in good faith after losing my dad in very sudden and unpleasant circumstances. The medium apparently 'connected' with him and passed on messages. I was overjoyed at the time and fell for every word. But I was consumed with grief and I wanted to believe it.

Looking back now, the 'messages' were so vague it's unreal - "People need to forgive each other", "I'm sorry you couldn't say goodbye the way you wanted to", "thank you for the songs at the funeral" etc. And I conveniently brushed aside what didn't make sense - "a small white dog" (dad had cats) "caravan holidays" (nope)....usual bullshit.

Now I'm entirely furious they took advantage of a grieving woman and charged me £30 for the privilege.

Interestingly DH's cousin pegged herself as psychic and even made money from it at one point. She has lots of MH issues and is now living in a secure unit not her fault I do genuinely believe she thinks she psychic

I would see one if you think it will bring you comfort. I would go off other people's recommendations though. Then you take from it what you will. Deluded and scam artist is just one person's opinion, go to one and make up your own mind. x

My friend has been to a couple. One she keeps revisiting but I feel like this medium already knows her and gives her what she needs to hear.

I get that it could provide comfort but I want to feel like what’s done is done. As harsh as it sounds. It’s been so many years since. I’ve had children and so desperately wanted her when I felt I needed her. Going through hormones, marriage, children.

Maybe I feel like I need to know she is proud of me and what I have achieved, I don’t know?

I really do thank you all for your advice and for those that have lost people close to them.

Do you have changes or decisions to make in your life right now? Sounds like you are searching for answers in your dreams.
I also think seeing one of your mum's friends/sisters to chat through the old days over a drink would be a good idea right now.

Do you think it might help to create some sort of memorial to your mum? Maybe a bench, or a trophy for a local school, or a prize or bursary (depending on budget). You could have a little ceremony and it might feel like you are giving something to her and since it would mean that other people hear about her.

I think it might help in terms of giving you a focus, and something which is ongoing (even if it means ongoing help for the tired feet of your town!) without being draining. As for her being proud of you, I think you know as a mother that she would have been, and I'm pretty sure that no loving mother would want you to be fretting about her or making yourself ill with worry.

Two days ago it was the 12th anniversary of my daughter's death. I realised that part of the reason I've been coping so badly recently was that I knew it was time for me to start moving away from her and properly let go and I was resisting that. I do think that there comes a time after even the most traumatic bereavement when you have to do this. I've taken a long time to reach this stage and I suspect I will need help, but I'm certain that a medium will only pick the scab and e-open the wound rather than helping to heal it.

I'm talking to one tonight for first time. I dont have many expectations. Its more from curiosity.

Upon visiting family recently I thought i "felt" my great uncle who was like a grandpa to me. It was pretty strong feeling.