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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Implications of offering this girl work?

40 replies

BandOfOses · 11/12/2018 12:43

On Sunday a car pulled up at our house and a bloke with teen girl got out. Bloke asked if I offered horse riding lessons as he was told I did. I told him I didn’t, as I need lessons myself. I’m a novice. The girl was gutted and asked if I needed any help looking after my horses. I told her I didn’t, one of them was not mine and I have someone else employed to look after the pair of them. She was quite upset with tears in her eyes. Her dad told her not to be silly and it was just one of those things. I apologised for the misinformation (although it wasn’t my fault!!) and he explained that his daughter is just desperate to work with horses. She is not doing well at school, has no friends and they are considering home schooling her but all she’s interested in is horses. I took his number just in case anything came up. I’ve been thinking about it and wondered what the implications would be to let her work here, shadowing the woman that looks after the horses and learning from her? She’d probably be willing to give her lessons on my horse too. I’m thinking there will be lots of insurance issues but if it was done as a favour would it matter? Or AIBU?

OP posts:
ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 11/12/2018 12:46

How old was she?

recklessruby · 11/12/2018 12:52

In my area the local college does equestrian studies and they get qualifications to work with horses. They also do GCSE courses for 15 + who have trouble with mainstream schooling.
My ds did animal care and other qualifications at college from15. He was bullied at school, dropped out and his home tutor got him into college.
Don't know if it's in all areas but it's a start.
Bless you for trying to make a difference for people you don't even know.

nikkylou · 11/12/2018 12:59

Could you not direct her to where you take lessons from?

From what I understand they also like you to turn up and look after the horses too, as well as the 'fun ' lesson. So she's kill two birds with one stone.

I expect having her looking after horses with you or your employee would open a big can on worms.
Would you pay her? It's a complete stranger.

It wouldn't be just if she go hurt, what if she injures one of your horses?

Even if you don't pay the girl, would your employee get extra for training and looking after her?

I think they'd be a lot of insurance to cover you, even if you felt you're doing it as a favour. I doubt the dad will see it as a favour, but a reciprocal arrangement where she helps out and gets a free ride. If for whatever reason she doesn't get a ride one day, he'll expect her to get extra etc. And if anything does happen, then it will be on you for not looking after her.

It would not be like a niece coming over for the weekend and lending a hand. I think you'd put yourself in a difficult position.

Silkie2 · 11/12/2018 13:04

I don't think you know her well enough. If it was the DD of a friend you would know her background. But she is a stranger really.

HowlsMovingBungalow · 11/12/2018 13:09

She is a complete stranger so no I would not let her 'help' out. Surely her father should seek out a riding stable with qualified instructors?

MakeAHouseAHome · 11/12/2018 13:12

She is a total syranger who has just randomly rocked up at your door. No way would I let her near my horses...

whifflesqueak · 11/12/2018 13:13

Don’t take her on. The whole thing is really odd.

And the sob story sets me on edge.

There are lots of very accessible routes into working with horses. Crying at a stranger in a random yard is not one of them.

steppemum · 11/12/2018 13:18

If you live in an area where you have a house with horses, then it is highly likely that there is a stable which offers lessons within a few miles.

He just needs to look further.

UpstartCrow · 11/12/2018 13:19

Its seriously OTT to be so invested that you cry when you are told you aren't allowed near an animal you have never met. I think there are more than insurance issues here, there will be emotional and boundary issues to deal with as well.
Its not that she wants to learn how to look after horses, she hasn't talked about how hard she has studied by reading books or looked at volunteering for Riding for the Disabled or anything.

She has problems that you aren't qualified to manage, and in this kind of situation it can suck all the fun out of it for yourself.

krustykittens · 11/12/2018 13:20

Wot whiffle said. Don't do it, this sounds a bit suspicious to me. There are plenty of places where she could volunteer and get to know others in return for lessons, she could help out at the RDA for one. The insurance implications for you are a nightmare and you really do not know who you are giving access to your horses and your equipment to.

Rhiannon13 · 11/12/2018 13:22

Depending on her age, I'd advise her to look into an Equine Studies college course. I wouldn't take a stranger on to look after horses on the basis you've described and I can't see how it's going to help her in the long run. Nice of you to care though.

Pachyderm1 · 11/12/2018 13:23

I would direct her towards a riding school or equestrian centre, as she would get a better / more formal education and they would have the relevant insurance etc.

JessicaJonesJacket · 11/12/2018 13:23

You're not in the position to make that offer really. It would be the woman who looks after your horses who would actually have to teach her. And yy it would throw up liability issues if something happened.
If you know someone with a stable that needs volunteers, then it would be better to ask if they could help.

CaMePlaitPas · 11/12/2018 13:25

No... I wouldn't OP, this doesn't sound right.

AdamNichol · 11/12/2018 13:25

There'd be insurance issues, but also DBS and safeguarding concerns. Both of which are going to sky-rocket with someone emotionally fragile. As this isn't your business (as in the thing you do for a living), I'd praise your compassion, but advise you to stay clear. At best, can you reach out to anyone who has this sort of business?

SupremeDreamz · 11/12/2018 13:26

I used to work at some stables to earn lessons. The stables I went to offered that to quite a few youngsters so I am guessing they had all the necessary insurance in place. She just needs redirecting to somewhere that actually offers that.

MadisonMontgomery · 11/12/2018 13:32

This sounds dodgy to me - surely if your daughter wanted riding lessons you would go to your nearest riding school, not drive around giving a sob story to random horse owners?!

APlanerideawayyy1 · 11/12/2018 13:33

Some stables offer pony clubs, opportunities to learn and pass BHS horse exams for riding and care. At the stables it would be a good place for her to meet new people and learn about animal care. The stables probably have connections to colleges that provide animal related courses too. I think that she needs to be in that sort of environment where there are more people around. If she can't afford lessons, she may be able to volunteer at the stables.

sackrifice · 11/12/2018 13:33

They need to find a local group that provides this.

Bestseller · 11/12/2018 13:35

Oh dear, I hate myself for it, but this sounds like a scam?.

Witchend · 11/12/2018 13:37

Randomly asking at stranger's doors rather than doing the obvious going to stables and talking to them would make me wonder why. I wonder if she's been banned (or her father has) from local ones due to behaviour.

ADastardlyThing · 11/12/2018 13:40

No way, sounds weird and you open yourself up to all sorts of trouble.

thetemptationofchocolate · 11/12/2018 13:43

Is the a RDA group near you OP? They often want volunteers, it might be a kind thing to point this girl in their direction.

Eliza9917 · 11/12/2018 13:47

I imagine this would end up more trouble than it was worth. I'd lose the number and forget about them.

Frouby · 11/12/2018 13:47

Don't do it OP.

We regularly get the local kids on our yard asking if they brush the horses or muck out fir rides etc. Ours used to be a riding school so it happens regularly.

What's probably happened is he has googled local riding schools and enquired about lessons and they dont want or can't afford to pay. That's probably why the dd was upset. So he's driven around and found private yards and is after riding lessons and stable management experience on the cheap.

I feel sorry for the girl, I always do, but it's not your problem to solve.

There are all sorts of insurance implications and it's really not worth the hassle and your current lady might get fed up being shadowed and leave in the lurch just as winter properly sets in.

If you really want to help, text them a couple of numbers for riding schools locally and maybe the FB group of any local riding clubs so she can maybe investigate those.