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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu fwb recording me without my permission or knowledge fuming and worried

31 replies

Coldshoulders · 11/12/2018 11:26

So got this guy who's fwb. Went round last night n we was getting it on so to speak. Then I heard a Samsung alert tone. Looked over and he's been voice recording me while I'm there! Without my knowledge so obv I'm like why is the phone recording N he's like aww shit it was a mistake n deleted all the recordings he had on his phone in front of me. It wasn't a video but still isn't the point. Stopped what I was doing n left. Now aibu to wonder why he was recording and why he didn't ask me and what he would want it for. Fuming tbh

OP posts:
ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 11/12/2018 11:30

How many recordings did he delete in front of you? Possibly I could get on board with one accidental recording though the app isn't on my home page so would be difficult to do accidentally, but several?! Did he say why he was doing it??

Youbloodywhaat · 11/12/2018 11:32

And did he delete them from his Samsung cloud and any other storage back up?

And several!? Really. Do not downplay this. It is a massive breach of trust and inexcusable.

Returnofthesmileybar · 11/12/2018 11:38

Seriously creepy, how many recordings were there? Did he delete off the cloud?

Original poster
Coldshoulders · 11/12/2018 11:42

There was like 5 he didn't play them in front of me but it's fucking weird! I would never of gone near him if I thort that of him whatsoever. Then I wonder why and what's on these recordings and i feel so worried and used and violated I don't want any recordings of me doing anything weather that's voice or video I'm so worried what if he's got other copies and who's heard what I'm fucking disgusted we ain't even together and i didn't consent to it. I don't even know what to do if I go mad he might have other copies and put them online or anything! Omg who would even expect any guy to do that n breech ur trust so much. When i heard the alert tone I knew what it was because I have a Samsung n I know to get voice recording up it's not on the home screen. It's premeditated and fucking creepy. My sister just told me it's not normal at all. He tried to play it down I left I feel disgusted I consented to sex not to being recorded and my trust massively breeched by a guy I only been sleeping with a few months. What the fuck am I gunna do appart from fuck him off coz he can't be trusted the freak x

OP posts:
Original poster
Coldshoulders · 11/12/2018 11:57

Also to add it was an older Samsung phone so I'm not sure if he has the cloud on it as I don't use the cloud myself so not sure about that worried and fucking angry to say I trusted this guy basically gave myself to him n he's fucking done that can't get my head around how creepy it actually is x

OP posts:
primoestate · 11/12/2018 12:17

Maybe it was a mistake, like he said. And the other recordings are not of you, or anything untoward. Easy enough to press an app on a phone in error.

Bath9000 · 11/12/2018 12:20

Creepy as fuck, get yourself another fwb. What else has he been recording?!! Confused

SlowlyShrinking · 11/12/2018 12:29

I’d speak to the police about it. He could have been sharing recordings of you without your permission 😱

bathsh3ba · 11/12/2018 12:33

It's creepy but probably not something the police would get involved with, unless he shared it with others. I would end things with him and reconsider whether 'friends with benefits' is a sensible life choice, if I were you.

BackWhenIWas4 · 11/12/2018 12:39

bathsh3ba I can't see how the ops life choices are to blame here. A man chose to do a creepy thing, and op was unlucky enough to be on the receiving end of his creepiness.
If she had encountered a creepy man in a shop would you suggest she stop visiting shops?

rickandmorts · 11/12/2018 13:10

Oh fuck off bathsh3ba, there's nothing wrong with friends with benefits.

MQv2 · 11/12/2018 13:13

Fuck that

Not with the hassle, seriously creepy.

Original poster
Coldshoulders · 11/12/2018 13:14

Yeh I just can't get my head around how fucking weird I feel about this n how creeped out I feel. Absolutely fucking awful! I don't know what else he's been recording or why or who he might of shown. It certainly isn't something I would consent to and i just don't get it or get why. Oh when I spotted the phone on the arm of the chair on voice record screen lit up he knew what I was going mad about I cud tell with the change in his behaviour. Who even does that? I have to actually use the search function on my Samsung to find voice recorder! This guy is someone I knew for years n years someone I thort I cud trust. Don't think it really matters if it's fwb or not end of day getting that voice recorder up and pressing record before we start having sex just the thort cringes Me, I feel horrified. I didn't consent to that n if i had any feeling that was happening or the case I wouldn't of consented I feel violated and it's just a lesson to be careful what sort of sick fuck even does that. Honestly wow I'm still in shock. He's obv not the person i thort he was not sure if I shud go to the police I don't know what to do. I only realised coz the phone made a distinctive jingle which having a Samsung myself I knew that's why I looked at his phone. How creepy is that tho x

OP posts:
BoglingToAswad · 11/12/2018 13:25

I would end things with him and reconsider whether 'friends with benefits' is a sensible life choice, if I were you.

Well the OP should certainly end things with him, but she is not to blame for having casual, consensual sex.

You are fully entitled to your opinion, but shaming someone else for having a different view is judgemental and ridiculous.

Original poster
Coldshoulders · 11/12/2018 13:33

Ano yeh I consented to sex I didn't consent to being recorded! That wasn't my choice as that dirty creepy bastard took that choice away from Me! Friends with benefits or not no one has the right to record someone having sex without their consent n if it's some how my fault for not thinking first is he recording me then maybe I'm the one in the wrong but I didn't realise people did things like that it's never happened before and I'm still in shock big time x

OP posts:
loubluee · 11/12/2018 13:35

PM you OP

HidingFromMyKids · 11/12/2018 13:44

Every single time you make another thread about your fwb set up you are told multiple reasons why you should back away from him.

The reasons are not down to the fwb part of this relationship. If that's what you want you need to find it with someone else.

Hopefully this incident will help you get rid of him and open your eyes to the advice you've been given previously.

Wintermuter · 11/12/2018 13:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Coldshoulders · 11/12/2018 13:52

I haven't posted about being recorded previously? So this thread was about asking advice on a different subject but truely it's finished now no going back from this now

OP posts:
Cooella · 11/12/2018 13:54

Please stop posting shite about this so called 'friend' who treats u like dirt and brings no benefit to your life whatsoever. I'm beginning to think it's all lies.

Original poster
Coldshoulders · 11/12/2018 14:04

Please stop reading my shite then if u don't like what I'm posting as I'm asking for advice I don't give a fuck if u think it's lies it's a forum where u post for advice not to be called a liar and set up on i know it's true who the fuck would make something like this up can u post anything on here without nasty bitchy remarks seriously there's no need

OP posts:
grincheux · 11/12/2018 14:15

That's voyeurism, and it's a crime. I know someone who stupidly filmed himself with his partner and was done for it when the relationship went sour. He ended up on the sex offenders register but he could also have gone to prison.

Cooella · 11/12/2018 14:25

OK you're right.

Original poster
Coldshoulders · 11/12/2018 14:31

Just to clear this up I was in fwb with this guy and i have posted on here previously about various other issues which I got advice for and then removed the threads as they was no longer needed. This is my first thread about being recorded without permission as it's the first time this has happened. I have not posted various posts about fwb regarding being recorded and only have one active post which is this one now. I'm sure alot of people post various posts about various things and I'm sure I'm not the only person who has done so. If anyone doesn't like my posts or thinks I'm a liar then either don't read it or report the thread which mumsnet will check to see if it's genuine or not. I'm not sure what sort of person would make this up or why I would lie and post it online as I have better things to do with my time then make up disgraceful lies to post on a forum. I use this forum when I want help or advice on various things I don't use it to argue or to be called a liar or to be put down. Some proper vulture people on here waiting to jump on any post they either don't like or they feel I have said or done something wrong as I'm following mum's net rules otherwise I would be banned and i wouldn't be posting. So if that's all cleared up now back to any genuine advice regarding this post I'm reading now I would be very grateful. I didn't mean to annoy anyone with my one active post and i genuinely am asking other women wwyd in my situation as I'm sure I'm not the only person this has happened to and i am actually scared about what's happened here and nasty horrible comments don't advise or help they just simply put u down and make u feel stupid for even turning to mumsnet for some help, even though there are alot of genuine nice people on here who use the site as intended. I have ended things with this guy but I'm still in this situation of wondering why and what he's recorded me for and who's heard it. Thanks for all genuine comments as u never know how things like this can affect a person and knowing I'm not the only person has helped me. X

OP posts:
Dorsetdays · 11/12/2018 14:36

Thing is OP if you ask for advice on AIBU you’ll get it! No point being defensive or angry when you don’t agree with that advice as it just derails your own thread.