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AIBU?

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To be feeling low not excited

2 replies

Itsgettingbetter · 11/12/2018 09:27

This my 9th year in education as a mature student and I'll be submitting my PhD in September 2019. I returned to education, at adult college level when my DS, who I've raised alone since birth, started primary school and have studied non-stop since then. He's now in year 8! Smile

I've had a lot of success as a student; first class degree and valedictorian of a cohort of 80 students; master's scholarship; PhD scholarship. But this structured path is nearing its end.

While I'm close to being free from the pressure of studying - as much as I've loved it - I've been feeling depressed and bitter lately. After all my hard work there is no guarantee of financial security soon after finish.

I've been very aware of this and tried to create my own work by writing a book proposal based on my research and submitting to literary agents. I want the work to reach a broad audience beyond academia. I had strong interest from two but they've asked me to rewrite the sample text as it's currently a bit too academic. There is a lot of writing I have to do; completing the thesis itself, publishing academic journal articles, a book project I'm contributing to, and writing some press articles would be good too. I'm also teaching and doing a teaching course which involves assignments.

All the while I feel like I'm running on empty. I have few friends and a small distant family. I'm from a working class immigrant background and there is no financial safety net, no resources or contacts I can draw on. DS' DF is of little help generally. I have a DP but our relationship is very part-time and he's not very understanding. Life hasn't been fun for a long time. It's just DS and me really and he needs my full attention and support, but I'm crumbling under the weight of this uncertainty. I feel like I'm on the brink of breaking through but am not sure I have the reserves of energy to do what I feel needs to be done.

Didn't mean for this to be so long, thanks for reading if you've got this far.

OP posts:
pippistrelle · 11/12/2018 10:02

Well, I guess it's the first time you've experienced fork in the road uncertainty in a long time, and changes can be difficult to process.

But you have plenty to be positive about - amazing academic success and two publishers interested in a book - that's incredible. But maybe you need a break from an academic focus to find the fun a bit?

Prioritise time with your son perhaps before he retreats behind his teenage door? Cultivate some non-academic interests and maybe find some friends?

QwertyLou · 11/12/2018 10:08

Congratulations on being on track to submit your PhD, that’s an incredible achievement.
And a possible book is very exciting too!

I think it’s very normal to feel a bit low when faced with uncertainty and change. No real advice, just keep going and be kind to yourself Flowers

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