To be overwhelmed and not wanting this at all?!!

[Youngandfree]

Basically my hubby gets every 2nd Christmas off (it’s the way his rota falls, there is no changing it) he works away so when he is working at Christmas it is a 3 week period which has Christmas somewhere in there. However whenever he is off we have his parents which I don’t mind mostly but sometimes I would just like to be us and DC.

I have so much going on I could cry,

1. obviously the two DC and all that involves, running a house etc etc, they have been ill the past few days which has added to my stress(and workload)
2. I have to sort out the spare room and ensuite for the IL’s (hubby isn’t back from work yet)
3. Finish Xmas shopping and wrap all the gifts.
4. Get dec’s down from the attic but not put up the Christmas tree because DH announced that he wants to do that with us (understandably but he isn’t home until Thursday!)

5.deep clean the house (as you do for Xmas and visitors etc) 6.have I mentioned that I work part time so there’s that too!!

1. All the while I am supposed to be doing a 1500 word essay for the 19th (oh the fucking joys)
2. Trying to fit in children’s plays and a day out we have had planned on the 15th too!!
3. IL’s arrive on the 20th and I feel like I’m going to be a mess before they get here... and if you have stayed with me this long congrats!! but I feel like MIL thinks I’m useless and her poor boy has to do so much when he is home!! But I am well and truly running on fucking empty and he is actually happy to do all the cooking (which she clearly thinks should be my sole job) ANYWAY vent over I just feel everything would be easier if a) I wasn’t left to sort every bloody thing and b) the PIL’s weren’t coming over (I feel terrible even writing it 😩)

I don't deep clean for Christmas - it's going to get covered with cake and pine needles. Leave the deep clean till after Christmas, not only is it less pre-Christmas work, it's easier to relax knowing that it's all going to be cleaned afterwards anyway.

In theory, PILs are family and you shouldn't need to be on your best behaviour for them. But there's MiLs and MiLs

Leave the deep cleaning, just do a cursory hoover and dust. When your dh gets the decorations down there will be fluff, bits and dust everywhere, so it will be pointless
It’s still early days yet there’s over 2 weeks to go, I’d concentrate on your essay and get that out of the way first.

Write out a plan. Use one of those hourly organiser things, mark down in red your working hours, appointments, school things etc so you can see clearly what time you have on what days. Add in your other tasks in another colour but make it manageable wrt timings. It'll feel easier with a plan. Oh, and definitely forget the deep clean! Good luck

Right.. delegation here.

1. Leave getting the decs down, preparing the spare room and cleaning until DH is home and you can share cleaning (doesn't need a deep clean, hoover/dust/tidy is enough) and those jobs, they'll get done much quicker.

2. Postpone IL's arrival until the Saturday morning (22nd?) there is NO need for them to be arriving on the Thursday (unless they're flying in of course). Saturday is plenty early enough when its not Christmas til Tuesday.

3. Concentrate on your essay and the shopping/wrapping this week.

but I feel like MIL thinks I’m useless and her poor boy has to do so much when he is home!!

This is your issue - so what he SHOULD be - that is her issue

Or you could just tell them all to fuck off

If you can spare the cash get a cleaner to come in and do a one off deep clean once the decs are up, they might even make up the spare room for you.

@Autumncrow 🙌😂

@Tatiebee I really don’t think I’ll get s cleaner at such short notice for some reason they are all so busy in my area and I live out in the country so most don’t want to come “THAT FAR” 🤣 plus I’m a bit OCD so it would only make me anxious.

Ok as most of you have suggested I may forget the deep clean...however I do feel that this just gives MIL ammunition for the “what exactly do you do in this household attitude she displays towards me” 😩 answer I want to say “FUCKING EVERYTHING”

@Squidgee yes they are Flying in so i can’t postpone that (although I like your thinking 🤔😂)

Shopping/wrapping and decorating can wait then...I’ll leave that to OH Since he wanted us to wait (but the DC’s are really not happy with a lack of Christmas tree 😩) and yet again I have to listen to it all and daddy will be the hero when he comes home 🙄

@Quartz2208 I know 😭 but EVERY fucking time they visit it gets brought up and I mean EVERY time, it’s like everything else I do doesn’t matter and because I let him cook when he is home I am a terrible wife and host 😩

God I’m feeling rather sorry for myself aren’t I?!! 🤣🤣

I totally understand the pressure and people often scoff at the "get a cleaner" line but to be realistic it doesn't often fall on our shoulders and we have to do what we can to delegate (if we have unwilling or unavailable partners) even if some of that help is paid.

If it's too late to get someone in then just leave it, the more work you put in the more they will expect next time they visit you!

@Tatiebee thank you. I know what you mean. If I had thought of it sooner I probably would have gotten a cleaner if I’m being honest. 👍 I just feel extremely overwhelmed and like everything is falling on my shoulders but no one will care or notice because I won’t be cooking dinner 🤷‍♀️😩😂