to cancel DS smartphone contract -we've had enough

[Dilemmamamma]

DS is in Yr 7. Had a smartphone about 6 months. As many DC are (based on others I know) he's not happy unless its permanetly attached to his hand. We are trying to resist this and have 'no phone' times eg at meals, an hour before bedtime etc. After just these first few months, DH and me are f*cking sick to back teeth of trouble and strife over the phone EVERY DAY and wish we had never got it. Ranging from trouble with other classmates re bitching/class politics on social media, addiction to games that never end, arguing over time limits and warnings eg "just ts 10 more minutes" its always just the next level and arguing to have it longer. Starting to think that despite the social pariah he will inevitably become (according to him) it would be worth it. From what I see with my own and friends DC I SOOOOO wish the Govt could ban them for under all 16s to avoid all this shit and stupid pressure we all have over kids and phones ! (Wishful thinking I know)

He's clearly not mature enough to handle it yet.

My friends have just been through this. Somehow she sets a data limit so she allows them one hour on a weekday. When that hour runs out they can't use the phone for anything except calls and texts. Could you do something like that?

I totally get you and also wish they (along with other things like consoles) had never been invented sometimes. I made mine delete things like the Instagram account and snapchat. Having limits on useage is very difficult to police, I agree. Do you need the phone on him so you can contact him in emergencies/on the way too and from school? Could you give him an ultimatum and then take it away if he doesn’t stick to the rules? Giff gaff is good for changing the contracts each month.

If it is an iPhone on iOS 12.1, you can limit use using screen time (in settings). You need to set DS’s Apple ID up in a family group with your Apple ID as the admin first.

Their phones are really important to them. You need to put some boundaries in place and stick to them but I think you'd be U to take it away permanently.
Eg no phone after school until all homework / chores done ? Or no phone on school nights??
Or phone goes off at 8pm- at which point precisely, you remove it til morning, whether he's just about to ace fortnite or not??
Don't take it away- kids need to learn to navigate their own tech, find their own level, learn to regulate themselves. If you just remove it he will resent you, rebel and find sneaky ways to access games and social media in some other way behind your back.

We do have boundaries and that was the agreement he agreed to before we got the phone. But now he is constantly pushing it every day and tbh we just don''t have the emotional energy for those battles on top of everything else. When we take it off him as a consequence of breking the 'rules' (eg sneaking it back into his room at bedtime) we have WW3. As context, he is recently diagnosed ASD (high functioning) and we have problems with his behaviour sometimes even before the phone was on the scene.

breaking

If you install Google Family on both your phone and his you can control his phone using the app from your phone eg lock it, restrict installation of games etc.