To ask for advice about badly behaved DS?

[Headbangdesk]

I am at my wits end with DS (almost) 7. He is rude and disrespectful at home towards DH and I, and older DC. We use time out and he spends the whole time crying loudly and feeling sorry for himself. He just doesn't understand that eg. calling his dad 'fat bum' (DH is overweight and very sensitive about it) or telling me to shut up is unacceptable. I feel he struggles to channel his anger and frustration properly. Calling him out on his behaviour makes him worse as he is ALWAYS the victim. He has to have the last word, fails to understand why certain behaviour is unacceptable and is the most stubborn person I know. He also has form for lying.

However he has always been good as gold at school and we've had no complaints. Until now.

I was pulled aside and told of fighting and swearing (awful words which I can't even type - think F, MF B) and when asked by the teacher where he heard them DS replied at home. I am SO upset. We don't tolerate that sort of language at home. DH doesn't swear at all and I may utter the odd shit or balls if I stub my toe or similar, but never infront of the DC. Older DC doesn't swear. Cousins and friends don't swear either and an adult is always present during playdates.

When I asked about the incident he denied everything and kept lying. An hour or so later he broke down and admitted he heard the swear words from a friend at school but didn't want to be labelled a grass so blamed the family.

I don't know what to do. I should clear it up with the teacher, although I've no idea if she will believe me but I feel I need to tell her what he told me. And how do I handle his behaviour at home? I keep asking myself why he's like this, where have DH and I gone wrong. Older DC is the complete opposite.

Sorry for the long post.

Tbh, I think a lot is the personality of the child, so stop feeling guilty.

Also, you've been lucky if your other children haven't gone through a lying stage at 7/8.

Does he get positive attention and praise when he's good?

Don't get into discussions with him, it's firm bounderies and no arguments.

Time out isn't working. Have you tried positive parenting and a reward rather than punishment strategy?

Thanks birds I agree it's mostly his personality. He has always been very particular about things even as a baby/toddler, eg disliked me wearing certain textured clothes, certain earrings, cardigans. DH would joke it's worrying how DS is controlling how I dress. On the first day of preschool he picked a fight with his keyworker over zipping his coat. (She had raised her voice when he hadn't listened and that had made him angry and he had threatened his mum would come and sort her out! Luckily she saw the funny side.

He gets plenty of attention and praise when he is good. But many times he reckons it's a green light to get away with murder and when he gets told off, sulks and feels hard done by. Would positive parenting work with him? I am willing to try anything tbh. Now that his behaviour is spilling into school life I am very worried.

Does he hate wearing certain textures himself?

If you've tried other things and they haven't worked, there's no harm in trying positive parenting and going with his needs.

From your update, it sounds as though there's more than naughtiness going on.

If it's starting to impact on the school, they'll be more supportive.

He sounds like my nephews one who is borderline asd and the other who has no sen but is just very sensitive and emotional. Both find managing their emotions very difficult they seem to experience everything more intensely than other kids and have an intense pride where they just can't let things go. My sil is doing well working with them but it's slow. She talks to them whe their cLm and uses positive methods to support him. It was never enough to tell them not to lash out, she had to give alternatives, fir example one nephew takes himself away to a quiet room when he's angry, the other does some kind of deep breathing and counting.

He was very fussy with clothes but now.not so much. He still hates shirts, anything with buttons and would walk around naked if he could. Otherwise he is fine.

His DGF has autism and sadly is incredibly stubborn and aggressive. DH and siblings have certain traits but not enough for a proper diagnosis. I don't think DS is on the spectrum though. Eg he loves hugs, great imaginative play and good social skills.