to be pissed off with my ex

[MamaMaiasaura]

dont really start thread here so here goes.

Ds(7) just had weekend with his dad. Bought home at 7pm and I am feeling very pissed off for the following:

1. He had roast dinner at 2pm and nothing since, bought home later than usual (usually 6pm) and no text or call to say he will need supper. This is not the first time and ex just doesnt 'get it'.

2. Informed by ex that ds is tired as was up till after 12.30am this morning... the reason being is that ex took ds to see his sister (ds's aunt) and they decided to go and see POC3 starting at 8pm completely unaware it was over 3 hours . Firstly ds goes to sleep at 8.30 so why on earth take him out for a fil starting at 8pm and ds had already seen the film so who's benefit was it for? His aunt has no children and no 'commitments, so perhaps ex was (yet again) treating ds as a mini adult.

3. When he dropped ds off said he 'mostly' good except for today which I said may perhaps be because he over tired? (duh)

4. Asked ex if he had taken the days off work previously discussed so he could have ds (as he is missing a weekend in the summer). Ex has not sorted and had completely forgotten anyway. I am not that bothered tbh as I love time with ds but frustrated that ds doesnt seem as much of a priority to ex like that.

5. Emptied his weekend bag to find blood stained t-shirt (apparntly ds had 2 nose bleeds) so now have to get stains out. Ok this isnt such a biggie but ex could have mentioned.

Ds fast asleep now, had a small sandwhich, hot drink, story, song and snuggle. Tomorrow he is likely to be overtired and therefore have a hard day at school. grrrr

Ds also said that he told his dad I have a little baby bump (small but there already at 12 weeks ) and said that his dad said there is no way I have. Why does ex think he knows what is happening with me better than I do. - silly to annoy me that bit but get annoyed with him contradicting me to ds all the time. Ds thinks smoking is bad (fantastic that he is so aware IMO) ex told ds that smoking is like eating chocolate, stating ds likes eating choc, ex likes smoking.

At least he hasnt smacked him this weekend.

I could actually go on and list so many silly and irresponsible things he has said and done but I will leave it there.

the man is a complete idiot at times, but he is my ds's dad. I try not to bad mouth him at all and never infront of ds or whilst ds is around/awake.

what person in their right minds keeeps a young child up til half 12??? i have trouble staying awake then.

hows he now?

YANBU. I think you must have been married to my ex. He kept dcs up 'til 11.30 last night. Ds2 came in and fell asleep on the sofa. I've had to send them both to bed early because they will be overtired tomorrow.

Ex actually told dcs that they can do as they please there because it's like being on holiday and they can escape rules - well, what does he care?? Ds2 has crohn's and get extremely tired but he couldn't care less.

I'm happy to rant with you!

Makes you want to scream doesn't it. My ex does things like this, as well as planning to emigrate to SA without letting ds know, he rarely bothers his arse to see him and never bothers to feed him more than once in a day when he has him. I totally empathise with you.
The fact you don't diss him is all to your credit.

YANBU i have the same type of problems with my dd's dad, twunts, the lot of them!

No, you are absolutely not being unreasonable. The man sounds like an absolute moron but a) there's little you can do, he's still your DS's dad, b) just keep counting your lucky stars that he's your ex, not current and c) some men just need the bleeding obvious pointed out to them constantly - if you can find a way to do that with your ex without causing upset, it will help.

fransmom - he is fast fast asleep. Was given a curry at midnight as well. Completely sodding irresponsible and the smoke around him. Dr thinks he may have asthma which makes it even more irresponsible.

I wish my ex would sodding emigrate at times.

Have at times tried to address some of the issues.. does he listen? Nope. He doesnt get it at all. Thing is ds will likely lose all respect for his dad as he gets older as already he is questioning some of the things his dad says like the smoking thing.

My ex is the twunt who let his friends put ds on a full size horse without helmet, saddle or reins. LO and behold ds falls off and breaks him arm. Does he take him to casualty?? Nah he gets him to try and use his broken arm as much as possible and doesnt even give him pain relief till I get the text saying his arm may be a bit sore, hence I text saying have you given him painkillers.hops etc. Told not to worry def not broken. When I got him home poor boy couldnt use his arm, took him to casualty and it was broken.

He also encourages ds to have his friends staffie on his lap and thinks dog is harmless (might be a very good natured dog) but need to be careful around all dogs and certain breeds can be more unpredictable. Of course I am neurotic

Not neurotic, you actually give a stuff about your ds's welfare, which is more than your ex does.

the broken arm was this time last year but nevertheless. Ex's girlfriend was really apologetic and felt really bad she hadnt picked up on it but she wasnt with ex when it happened etc. Ex has never expressed remorse to ds.

Awen - when dc1 was 12 he told me he didn't want his dad in his life any more. His reason was that there are no rules when he's at his dad and children need boundaries - how grown up was that!

He asked me to telephone his dad and get him over to discuss it. He came over and sat rolling his eyes as dc1 poured out all his feelings about him. He told him how he and his brother needed boundaries and needed his dad to listen to him and that he didn't want him in his life any more. The ex sat and rolled his eyes as he talked to him. At that stage I had to step in and tell him that his son was being extremely brave telling him all this and the least he could do was listen and not roll his eyes.

It took two of these talks to get the ex to listen to him and things changed for a few months, then went back to the way they were.

Ds2 tells me that he'll never change. He'll never be a good dad and that he hopes he never needs him when he's old.

I have never bad mouthed the ex to dcs, although I have been accused of it. Ex is too stupid to realise they work it out for themselves eventually.

That's interesting weebles, my ds (13) also seems to have worked it out for himself and I 've never bad mouthed ex in front of him. I think they realise early on tbh and admit it to themselves when they get into adolescence.

weeblewobble - that is so I think it is hard because sons do look to their dads for their identities as men and unfortunately some dads set a piss poor example. I am lucky that my dp is reliable, kind, sensitive, calm and hard working. A fab role model infact.

For the past 6 months or so ds been having tantrums when it came to dad weekends as he doesnt want to go. When his dad arrives tho ds is fine and happy to go and generally says he has had a nice time when he comes home. As he is only 7 I dont think I can really say that he doesnt have to go. I also need to sort out a few legal bits to get things a bit more secure so I can assert myself more if necersary (sp). When he is older, perhaps 9 although dont know if this is old enough, I will not 'make' him go.

It's interesting though, as much as ds1 sees though his dad, he still wants to go to him. He did say, when it all flared up, that he wouldn't go to him for a while, but he did go.

Ds2 thinks he's the best thing since sliced bread even though he screams at him all the time. Ex can't work out that if you don't have boundaries you can't expect good behaviour.

Don't be surprised if your ds wants to see him when he gets older despite what happens when he does. I think as they get older they see the relationship for what it is and either accept it or don't.

omg...ex's

my ds and dd1 used to come back from their father's with only half the clothes they took,dd's hair would be matted,they were kept up till all hours,not fed,etc etc.

xp once dropped dd1 back at home early cos she was 'being a little cow'-she was messing about in comet as xp had been in there looking at computer stuff for half hour.

and then there was the time he threatened to phone ss because i phoned and left a ranting message on his voicemail because he hadn't let me know if he was picking them up from school or not.apparently i 'needed help'

anyway,they no longer see him,as he got a bit p**ed off when he found out i was expecting dd3(he'd told me lots of times that dp was only after one thing,what else would he want me for?),turned up at my house calling me various names,then tried to push past me when i asked him to leave,so dp came out to ask him to leave and xp punched and kicked him...in front of the kids.

they said they dont want to see him anymore as they are scared of him,and they dont even refer to him as 'dad' anymore,they call him by his first name if they mention him.

anyway,YANBU,obviously your ex is an irresponsible a*hole,but you will just have to grin and bear it till your ds is old enough to refuse to go see him.

divastrop - thankfully ex hasnt been really hostile like that. He is just a twunt.

Weeblewobble - I am happy with what ds wants tbh as at the end of the day is his dad and I dont want to either come between them or be accused in years to come of alienating him.