To think that we don't know enough about mental health problems

[Dorabean]

Just that really. My sister has just being diagnosed with depression and I want to support her as much as possible, in whatever way I can. The thing is, I don't know much about depression and don't know the best way to help her or be there for her? She has some decisions to make but she obviously can't think about it all now.

Any advice please?

Ask her. Everyone is different, some people still need you to call when they say no, others need space. Apart from official support just the good things in life help- fresh air, exercise, decent meals. Maybe organise regular walks with her? Or clean her house if she isn’t up to it? Mostly spending time with her and helping her see she has value and is loveable even when she can’t see it herself. I hope her mood lifts soon

Depression affects everyone differently, so its hard to give specific advice, but just letting her know you're there and you care will mean a lot. Can you visit her lots? Just a chat and cup of coffee can mean the difference between a good day and bad day.

Lots of encouragement helped me, focus on the things she can do and not what she can't, (eg just a trip to the shop can be a huge achievement).

She's lucky to have a sister that clearly cares so much! for you both.

Practically, two things I often think get missed if she is having official support. The impact of hormones- she may want to keep track of her periods. And withdrawal from antidepressants - they often help but stopping them can be rough and often be mistaken for a return of symptoms.

www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Depression

Check this out, good
Resource

Thank you for your advice! She's 19 and at uni but is now home for Christmas as she was ringing very clearly upset so we brought her home. She's been to the doctor who was fantastic and her uni resort are on board to help her.

I just want to support her as much as I can. She loves my little boy so spending time with him might help too. She knows I'll give her space and am there when she needs me but it's hard isn't it! You want to make her feel better but don't know how!

Thanks for the resource

You sound a gem. Time with your son will be great (lots of affection, not too much analytical thinking), and just knowing you’re there, caring is also good.

Really do look after yourself too - be there for her, but don’t try to take responsibility for making her better. Your job is just to love her, not fix her - it’s so easy to burn yourself out trying to help someone if you forget to watch out for yourself as well.

When I was really ill with depression and anxiety, starting to run 3 times a week was literally life-saving and remains one of the best things I can do for my own mental health. Do you think she’d like to do couch to 5k together (or go out together if you’re both already super fit?)

Digestive28 is spot on re hormones & meds. I have OCD, agoraphobia, several other more specific phobias, depression & anxiety generally.

I tracked my periods for a different reason earlier this year (they were starting to become less regular) and discovered my anxiety MUCH worse premenstrually and depression was worse post menstrually. As a result with cpn support gp has agreed I can take pill continuously and just not have the damn things!

However, from my own research & discussion I'm also firmly of the belief that many are being Dx with depression who are actually suffering from a PHYSICAL illness - hypothyroidism, nutrient deficiencies etc so your sister might want to get these checked if she has any symptoms that fit. It might even be the case that's not the whole story but isn't helping.

My Cmht have started doing blood tests on recently referred patients and longer term patients who have possible other symptoms and they've found a significant number aren't truly MI but have other conditions where depression/anxiety are symptoms.

Other than that as per pps everyone is different.

While seemingly loving to "pop round" etc - I hate that! And so do many with MI. Unexpected visitors (even loved ones) can be additional stress.

So I would say listen & respect what SHE says about how she finds it best to cope.

Mind have some good resources too for friends/relatives.

You could also educate yourself on any meds she's on if you know - but remember that's her private medical info so don't ask but if she tells you great.

Honestly the best people who supported me were/are the ones who GENUINELY don't mind if they get a phone call/text at 4am saying help! I'm having a REALLY bad night. I don't do it often and haven't for years actually but I am SO grateful to those people they literally kept me alive!

Meds can take a good while to kick in so if she seems despondent in early days of taking remind her of this and that taking them regularly (at same time/s every day) is essential. BUT if after a reasonable time they aren't working or making things worse support her to get them changed - which can be REALLY difficult!

The basics seem insignificant can REALLY help - eating well, sleeping routine, exercise if possible, sunlight, fresh air.

Depressed people often lack motivation eg for cooking, self care but maintaining those where possible or finding easy to manage alternatives can really help.

Eg I'm really struggling with cooking/eating at the moment so I'm making sure I get in pre-prepped fruit n veg to try and keep nutrition from getting COMPLETELY disastrous, also fruit juice (meds can also dip my blood sugar and this is quickest way of bringing them up again too), and "fresh" soups.

Focus on positives - I do this self talk thing (doesn't always work) where I remind myself that while I feel I Cba brushing teeth/having a wash/brushing hair/changing clothes when I've done it I always feel so much better!

You are lovely for caring enough to seek more info on this.

Just reading she's a student - makes it even more likely imo it could be a dietary/lifestyle cause, students aren't known for eating well, getting enough sleep etc I was a student rep while at uni as a mature student and several of them developed anaemia etc due to burning the candle both ends and living on takeaways and ready meals!

Students are also vulnerable to things like glandular fever/freshers flu (reduced immune system in first term due to unhealthy lifestyle making them more vulnerable than usual to all the bugs this time of year) - also is she vaccinated fully? We're starting to see this generation of students who were the babies around time of wakefields nonsense not being vaccinated - not just mmr, and of course that makes them vulnerable to various infections which before they're fully apparent can present as "run down/depressed"

I know even before I was MI whenever I was coming down with something I'd get v tired & teary - my mum knew from I was quite young that meant I was coming down with something.

She needs to know that depression is very very common. Lots of people have an episode of depression. She needs help to get things sorted, and then to get on with her life again.
What I mean is that the key thing is ensuring this is just a one off difficult time, but does not become entrenched.

@Verbena87 Thank you. She used to be a great runner so she may actually enjoy doing that. I'd love to do it, I probably need to get fit now seeing as my son is 6mo! I'll spend time with her (on her say so) with my son too.

@Graphista Thank you for your post, I really appreciate all the advice and information! I will take it all on board and use it to do what I can for her.

The dr says she sounds like she's been depressed for a few years but she has always struggled with periods etc and hormones. She is a rubbish eater too, will eat when you give her food (my mum cooks good meals) but doesn't really cook for herself. Is a poor student so never has money to buy food. Sometime she will say she had a cup a soup for her tea--there's no way anyone can live on that!!

Sounds like she could well be anaemic. Certainly wouldn't hurt to get it checked out.

If she's a poor eater, while not ideal supplements can help. My aunt swears by spatone - she has a clotting disorder and other issues which make her anaemic sometimes.