AIBU to find Christmas really lonely as a SAHM

10 replies

coffeecoffeesugar · 10/12/2018 08:41

I'm finding the build up to Christmas really lonely this year. I have a one year old son and have moved area since having him. I have made 'mum friends' but no one I feel really close to and my old friends are scattered around the country/don't have kids. When I was at work there was the social element of the build up to Christmas but now I don't have a job and no real friends in the area I'm finding this time of year really hard.

I keep thinking about what I was doing before I had him and the social life/proper conversations I used to have with people. I genuinely feel lost. Does anyone else feel like this?

I realise this time of year is hard for lots of people so don't mean to be all 'poor me' just good to get it off my chest as its hard to talk about in real life.

OP posts:

JudasPrudy · 10/12/2018 08:43

Yeah Christmas is different when you don't have time off to look forward to really and it's a bit lonely watching Christmas films and eating roses with someone who is too little to understand what it's all about. I recommend getting out and about as much as possible to take your mind off it even if it's just to the garden centre and a coffee.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 10/12/2018 08:46

I wonder if you could do some volunteering then you could work it around what suits you, get out and meet some people and feel better about yourself? Sure there are some elderly people nearby who would really love visits from you and your son

I know that doesn't solve the wider issue, hope this doesn't sound flippant

Ohyesiam · 10/12/2018 08:51

Yes it’s tough with your first on a new place, I remember it well. Toddler groups are good people contact, and there are sometimes local things organised for ping families.
But once he is in the school/ preschool system that has a whole ( crazy!) Christmas momentum of its own that you get caught up in.
Hope you do have a good Christmas op, despite the poor build up x

Gemstonemama · 10/12/2018 09:05

Sending hugs OP, this was totally me when I first moved 4 hours away to somewhere new with my baby DS. Have you tried a Mum social networking app? They aren't everyone's cup of tea but I downloaded Mush and Mummy Social and made some really lovely friends through that (initially rather awkward!) and a year on we are still close, and many expecting our second babies at the same time!
Maybe download the Mush App and post something such as an impromptu ' Christmas meet' at a local garden centre for a mince pie and a cuppa to meet others in the same position. I was so surprised how many more people were in the same boat and I live in a rural area x

Poodles1980 · 10/12/2018 11:45

I get it. On maternity leave this year and feeling very left out. No Christmas party beciase I am the one at work who remembers to invite people on leave. I have a few Mum friends but it’s not the same.

Fullofregrets33 · 10/12/2018 12:39

I waams just thinking this yesterday. I enjoy xmas because of my children. But I don't have friends to go out with and I'm a sahm so no works parties.
Seeing everybody out on social media has been making me feel down in the dumps

PicaK · 10/12/2018 12:46

I know how you feel.
I was lucky cos my NCT group started going out every year (still are 9 years on) and i haven't moved.
Why not plan a mulled wine/apple juice and mince pie party for the neighbours. Not the same but it will make you feel more xmassy now.
W

RudolfIsMySpiritAnimal · 10/12/2018 16:56

You need hobbies. I have two Christmas parties with my theatre groups, and two Christmas concerts and night out with my choir.

IJustLostTheGame · 10/12/2018 17:10

Parties and volunteering are a bit tricky if you're a single parent with a 1 year old.
Perhaps just to a certain extent write this year off a bit? Not in a bah humbug way but a quiet way.
I wasn't a single parent and had a stripped down Christmas when dd was tiny as I was just so knackered.
Go to all the baby groups etc and watch Facebook for nice things to see, Christmas tree lights and carols in the local park sort of thing.
Save yourself for next year, when dd hit 2 she was fully aware of father Christmas etc and the magic of it came back. And you will have better local friendship groups established by then too.

CuppaSarahsCuppaChristmasCheer · 10/12/2018 17:14

I know that feeling well. I'm a lot happier this year as I have found great toddler and baby groups which give me a sense of community. Enjoying the build up through making wonky paper plate angels, getting cakes ready for the children centre Christmas parties, and going to different shopping centres to look at their lights is my new way to enjoy December.

But it's taken 5 years of parenting to adjust/find my people. This is a process and it's ok to greive the life you used to live.

Flip