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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Patience with dh

10 replies

Mamamum3 · 10/12/2018 06:51

Hi. I’ve been married with husband for 2 years and have a lovely son together. However I’ve been very patient with him, his temper, his stress for 4 years. I don’t know how long I will be able to do it. It stresses me out as well. I remember me being calm, happy, and laid back before dating him but once we got together I become more stressed and angry more often which is not me at all. Every time my husband gets stressed it stresses me out as well because he will shout at me. Also he shouts at me for getting stressed too. I mean I try to calm you down from getting stressed but you yell at me every time I do that. Now we’ve got a son it’s even worse. Every time our son cries he wants to know the reason why he cries. He asks me, if I say i don’t he will shout at me saying I’m the mother staying with the baby all the time why wouldn’t I know. If we’re not in his sight he would say what I’ve done to our son to make him cry or if I’ve hurt my son. I’m like. Seriously!? Why would I hurt my son? What do you think I have done to him? He blames me for everything basically. One thing I can’t stand is swearing and calling names. He does that every time he loses his temper. Yes we argue but I never swear at him or call him names. We had a row yesterday. I was hold ing my son and walked out slammimg the door. He came after me and pulled my shoulder back saying ‘how fucking dare you slammimg the door in front of son. Don’t you fucking do that again.’ I mean if I can’t slam the door in front of a baby you can’t swear at his mum in front of him either. Once he called me dickhead for doing nothing as he thought I made my son cry but he walked into my leg and fell over. I feel like I never get any respect from him at all. I feel tiny and I cry for that many times. He wants to have another child but I’m not sure if I can do it becuase of my husband being like this.

OP posts:
mortifiedmama · 10/12/2018 06:54

He's abusive. You need to leave him!

Pachyderm1 · 10/12/2018 06:55

He’s an abuser, OP. He’s aggressive and on the cusp of being physically violent (actually I would argue he’s there already if he’s yanking you about). This isn’t stress, it’s abuse. Do you have a support network around you who would help you leave?

ThisIsNotARealAvo · 10/12/2018 06:56

And don't have any more kids with him.

blackcat86 · 10/12/2018 07:00

So I thought I could share a bit of personal experience about living with a partner with MH who gets stressed easily and then life changing after you have a baby....then I go to the bit about the baby crying, abuse and accusations. On the basis of him believe you to have hurt your son alone I would leave, let alone with the aggression and physical abuse. Get you ducks in a row and leave. Women are killed every year by their partner, women are subject to false allegations every year, men kill their children in a rage every year. Go now and be safe.

applesisapple5 · 10/12/2018 07:05

None of this is your fault and there's nothing you can do to fix it.
You NEED him to get help, nothing is going to change until he does. Until then... how much longer can you live like this? A week? A year?

EKGEMS · 10/12/2018 13:22

He's verbally and physically abusive to you. It isn't stress affecting you it's his abuse! You need to get out now that is not the kind of environment to be raising a child.

Mamamum3 · 10/12/2018 14:00

Thanks for all the comments. I feel like I have someone listen to me now. It would be a bit difficult and complicated for me to leave him as I have to be married to him to be able to stay in the country. I haven’t got citizenship just yet. Apart from that I’m too scared to leave him. I don’t know anyone else who can help me. I haven’t got a lot of friends here. I just hope my son to grow up with love and care.

OP posts:
Whitescarf · 10/12/2018 14:05

Haven't you already made a post about this?
The answers were exactly the same as the last one, ltb

NoShelfElf · 10/12/2018 14:11

Wow, he's really not a nice man. He blamed his problems on you. He treats you with contempt. He behaves in a way you do not want your son to witness or emulate. These situations don't happen overnight - if he behaved like this on your first date, there wouldn't have been a second. You can't change him. You need to accept him how he is (he may get worse and son may end up just like him) or plan how to make your future without him.
He sounds truly awful. Trust yourself - he wants you to doubt yourself and your own abilities. Keep your friends and family close and never hide his bad behaviour from anyone. It's not your dirty little secret - don't keep it that way.

PickledChutney · 10/12/2018 17:45

If you’re not willing to leave him then more fool you! Maybe you’d find a better man in your home country who would treat you better.

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