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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Something really strange just happened

519 replies

InSwamTiddler · 10/12/2018 06:08

I’ve NC for this as I’m not sure what to make of it and I’m really confused.
Back story - I was raised Catholic, but I’m atheist now. I work in a science based field and for as long as I can remember I have believed in the factual, empirically provable reality of things. I don’t believe in God or the afterlife, or ghosts / paranormal stuff.

Nearly 9 years ago my dad died. He died very suddenly and unexpectedly at a young age in my childhood family home.

Due to some circumstantial things, I’m currently living back in my family home.
My mum has mentioned a few times over the years that she’s felt my dad’s presence here and I’ve always been openly kind to her about it, but thinking “nope. Your imagination is going crazy because you’re grieving”. She’s mentioned she’s felt pressure on the bed as if someone has sat down on it next to her for example.

Anyway, this morning DP has left for work and I was still in bed. I was listening to him brushing his teeth, then popping the kettle on so I was definitely awake, but a little drowsy.

I felt him get back into bed with me and thought “what’s he doing?”... it’s not unusual for him to pop back into the bedroom and give me a hug or kiss before leaving the house.

I felt the heaviness of him pressed against my back and his arms wrapped around me. There was a heat between my shoulder blades I have never felt before but I wasn’t scared but I knew it wasn’t DP then. I heard the front door open so DP was leaving the house. Then my whole back went tingly a bit like pins and needles but not in an unpleasant way.

When it was happened I felt calm and warm but I’m freaking out now and can’t stop crying. Sounds silly but I feel like it may have been my dad.

I was 100% awake, not dreaming. I leant over and flicked the lamp on straight after.

Does anyone believe in this stuff? I never have but now I’m questioning everything.

OP posts:

notgivingin789 · 11/12/2018 22:28

My experience of sleep paralysis was as I woke I felt totally trapped unable to move with someone on top of me. It wasn’t pleasant

Exactly ! Sleep paralysis, for me anyway, felt like something/ someone ! suffocating me. I couldn't move, can't breathe. Felt like minutes were going by. However, with the deceased family member, this felt different. I literally felt someone wrapping their arms around me- it was a tight squeeze but as soon as that sensation stopped, I woke up. With sleep paralysis, someone has to literally wake me up or I force myself to go into a deep sleep and ignore it.

myknickersknackersknockers · 11/12/2018 22:32

This is on the daily mail now.

Smith888 · 11/12/2018 22:38

Yes I think it was, why not. I read something once about ethnocentric cultures believing that ghosts are in fact powerful memories stored in time. But some things feel more real and can't be explained. When my mother was grieving my grannys death some inexplicable things happened immediately after she expressed how much she was missing her. I'm a great believer in signs.

notgivingin789 · 11/12/2018 22:41

It actually is on the daily mail. Wow- some journalists are dedicated...

expat101 · 11/12/2018 22:43

If it brought back pleasant feelings, comfort and memories then relax and enjoy the moment. Who is to say what did or didn't happen? I ''smell'' my MIL's scent from time to time in places that it shouldn't appear but not that of my Dad nor Nan..... both of whom I was close to.

Proseccoagain · 11/12/2018 22:44

I used to suffer from sleep paralysis frequently, and it is terrifying, you are awake but cannot move or speak, used to happen as I was dropping off to sleep; they say it's your body switching off in the wrong order before sleep. Normally your brain shuts down first, then your muscles, but it's the other way round in sleep paralysis, so your brain is still conscious and you can't move. The night after my DH died I had that feeling of someone behind me in bed and being held very tightly, absolutely not sleep paralysis. Someone told me that it was my DH telling me he was ok.

EugenesAxe · 11/12/2018 22:45

I’m a Christian. I don’t really believe in ghosts. I believe in science; there are a lot of scientific explanations for all the miracles in the Bible, and it seems from the replies, your experience too. Recently, I’ve come back to the idea that God created everything, including science. I believe that God does influence lives; but he uses his science to do so. Someone on Radio 4 recently, on one of those trendy science programmes, said “We haven’t heard from God for 2000 years so.... [some witty God bash statement]”, and I thought... well, things I ask forgiveness for, but mainly “If you haven’t heard from God, you don’t listen.” Thousands of Christians around the world palpably feel God’s power in their lives every day; call it luck, science or whatever you want, but I feel it. Prayer is powerful, when backed by faith.

The point of me saying all this is that if you felt it was your Dad - even if he was just using a scientifically explainable medium of communication - then why shouldn’t it be. I didn’t RTWFT but I did see the comment about taking the experience as a gift, and I agree with that.

kazwelch · 11/12/2018 22:59

When my son was 2 or 3 he used to say a man was on our landing. Then 2 months ago the music centre come on & played the exorcist music once for me then with my husband we hadn't touched it, so the next day he cut the wire for it.

dhisannoying · 11/12/2018 23:07

I never met dfil but he met me when I was a baby as my husband is a family friend. When my baby was between 1 and 2 months old he would smile and giggle at what seemed like thin air. I believe it was him saying hello to his grandson

Girlking · 11/12/2018 23:12

People can speculate all they like , When you’ve seen a ghost you know you have seen a ghost

RhubarbTea · 11/12/2018 23:14

I believe you OP. And I think you can believe in souls while still being an Atheist, it doesn't have to be connected to the idea of a God. I think the universe is massive and contains so much we don't understand, and that's okay. Your post made me cry and I felt really glad for you that you'd had that comforting experience. x

Pliudev · 11/12/2018 23:25

Same thing happened to me many years ago after my marriage broke up. I was in bed and feeling real despair and I prayed and suddenly felt as if I was being held in a warm and comforting way. I've never forgotten it but stopped wondering what it was and just accepted I'll never know.

Jimjamjong · 11/12/2018 23:34

I have seen several messages about people being energy/being made of energy. No, we aren't. What characterizes living things is order, we use energy to maintain the order we need to survive (like stuff being pumped in/out of cells).
Here is an interesting Ted Ed Talk for more info: ed.ted.com/lessons/at-what-moment-are-you-dead-randall-hayes

Catsinthecupboard · 11/12/2018 23:49

I felt this when i was a teenager. I fell through a rotten attic floor. Just before falling through. i felt tingly and cradled. It was just long enough for me to reach out and grab hold so i didn't severely hurt myself. I have no idea how or whom but it definitely saved me.

My mother was religious and would tell me that "faith" is the mystery that is required for religion. I choose to believe but faith remains a difficult idea.

Harriedharriet · 12/12/2018 00:34

Maybe just accept it rather than trying to understand it? It sounds beautiful OP.

Fee47 · 12/12/2018 01:26

Same experience as your mum I'd say it's your dad letting know hes around iv recently lost my brother 37year old we were very close I can feel him around ..people may think its bull crap but I said say until u lose a close sibling or loved one things may happen .. just go with the flo my love dont be scared smile and blow a kiss to the stars

acegod · 12/12/2018 01:28

You need to see a shrink seriously like now. It's seems your depression has caught up and now your making yourself believe you dad is there when he is not. It's normal denial always catches up. Go see doctor medicine and get well. You don't believe because you can't see so stick to your believes. You well get well soon if you seek professional help also take your mother.

She needs help.

Tottie · 12/12/2018 01:52

^^ insensitive twat. That is all

NotAColdWomanHenry · 12/12/2018 08:40

acegod, don'r be daft. Lots of people have clearly had similar experiences, which can be put down to a known scientific effect or to a more spiritual experience or both, and they're not all severely mentally ill. It's a common experience.

Giniastressed · 12/12/2018 08:42

Of course it was him
Take comfort
There's so much more out there than we know with our rational minds

haloumi · 12/12/2018 09:04

If it made you feel nice it's ok. ...

As an atheist, I believe there are no such things as ghosts, spirits or any kind of supernatural sky-monkey-bollocks. But that's irrelevant, your mind needed a way to bring back a memory or re-assure you about your father, and that's the way it did it, with the help of your mums suggestion.....

Horsewithnomane · 12/12/2018 09:25

OP - Is there a cat in the house?

(Sorry if this has already been suggested)

pam290358 · 12/12/2018 09:52

My husband of forty years died last April. It was a very late diagnosis of lung cancer after an emergency admission to hospital and the medics had advised against telling him about the cancer because there was nothing they could do - he was on a ventilator, and they didn’t want him to panic. The night before he died I was at his bedside telling him how much I loved him and the plans I had for when he came home. He suddenly looked at me with such sadness in his eyes and I knew then that he knew he was dying. It was all over in twelve days and the shock was indescribable. After he died I was so full of regret for the things I didn’t say and the opportunity I didn’t take to say goodbye properly.

The night before his funeral I was in bed. It was the early hours and I was weeping and dreading the next day - and going over the whole thing in my mind for about the thousandth time. I got out of bed for a tissue from the dressing table and I suddenly felt a strong sense that someone was in the room. I got back into bed and as I lay down I felt the mattress depress at the end of the bed, as though someone was sitting down on it. Somehow I just knew it was Keith, and a sense of peace came over me. In that brief moment I knew that he was here to comfort me so that we could say goodbye properly. I stopped weeping and told him I loved and missed him, and a moment later I felt the weight move from the bed and I knew he was gone. I have never had an experience like this before or since. It was not a dream - I was awake and aware and there isn’t anything anyone can say to convince me it wasn’t real. Keith knew how I felt about him not being able to communicate at the end and he came to tell me he knew, and it was OK. I would say to anyone who has had a similar experience, to take comfort from it. Science can’t explain everything and no one knows what happens when we die. We won’t know that until our own time comes so keep an open mind OP, and I hope you come to find comfort and reassurance from your experience,

Orchiddingme · 12/12/2018 10:06

pam290358 what a touching experience, thanks for sharing- and so glad you were comforted.

heartsofgold · 12/12/2018 10:14

Pam, that made me cry, how lovely for that last comfort, ignore those that try to explain it all away scientifically, your beloved husband is at peace and you will one day be together again.

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