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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder if you've ever felt overawed at how much little kids trust you?

41 replies

Extrastout · 10/12/2018 04:09

Which is clearly a very pressing question at 4am in the morning.
Anyway, I'll go on since I'm here.

Don't know why it has popped into my head, but it was dd's birthday party age 6 or 7 at softplay.

Off they all popped, no worries. Anyway, a little while in, dd brings one of her little friends to me as if I was the oracle of all things wise because her little friend had cut her hand somehow (like a papercut). DD, in her unwavering faith in me, was looking for a resolution to this issue.

As you might imagine, just 2 of the other Mammies had stayed and I was sitting with them. I could feel the weight of my dd's expectations, this little one's trust, and the judging (not there - they are lovely) of the other two mothers there present.

Thanks to the blessed curse of high heels and frequent blisters on my feet, I always carry plasters with me, so magically cured this grave injury.

Anyway point?

I have never felt in such a position of trust apart from when I gave birth. The absolute trust that a 'Mammy' will sort it from a little shy girl.

It's a privilege I think. Other Mammy's were nodding together 'I had not plasters, have you any?' etc. lol, and I felt like for once I aced being a Mum.

Give me a break - it's 4am. I'm talking nonsense as I haven't slept in 36 hours and have no idea why I had to share this useless piece of information with the universe.

And good morning to you all who wake up to this thread in 2 hours. I'm sorry! Will somebody let me sleep!!!!!!!!!

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Original poster
Extrastout · 10/12/2018 04:12

Sorry, my AIBU is have you ever felt very responsible for the amount of trust placed in you by children?

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ThePoliticiansPraiseMyName · 10/12/2018 04:13

I know what you mean! In the summer we visited a large soft play type place a long way from our home. About an hour in, my 6yo brought me a sad, weepy looking little girl who was about 3. My dd said ' this little girl is sad, I'm not sure why. She couldn't tell me where her mummy is so I brought her to you'. I was so proud of my dd and so pleased that she had this absolute confidence that I would fix it. Long story short but we contacted staff and found the parents and all was well. But the absolute belief that 'my mummy will fix it' was overwhelming.

Bloodybridget · 10/12/2018 04:13

Aw Extrastout! You did ace being a mum and it's lovely that your DD confidently assumed you'd be able to sort things out.

Go to sleep now, and I'll try to do the same!

Original poster
Extrastout · 10/12/2018 04:14

I'm guessing primary school teachers must feel this weight or responsibility daily and I really commend them. Not sure I'd cope, since this one incident is still in my head eons later at 4am.

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Original poster
Extrastout · 10/12/2018 04:16

Politicians - that was it. The unwavering faith in Mum. It's a heavy crown to wear lol.

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Girlzroolz · 10/12/2018 04:38

I like the fact that a lot of the time kids trust that ‘any mum’ in a crisis is fine. Once they get into a bit of a state (fear, pain, loneliness, etc) they can take comfort in anyone a bit mum-like. And we (most of us) play up to it. We make the expected noises, gestures, expressions.

It’s so sweet to be able to be able to comfort kids other than our own, in a pinch.

And I love having my stash of ‘mummy tools’ to hand too. I’m no natural earth mother, but I bringz ma skillz. Pinnacle moment was handing out sting wipes when a small swarm of bees met a toddler pool party. I had 12. Even grandmas were looking at me with appreciation!!!

Original poster
Extrastout · 10/12/2018 04:45

PMSL Girlzroolz that's exactly it, I felt like a BOSS! I finally had this mother shit DOWN muddafucka!!!

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Vitalogy · 10/12/2018 04:48

I agree it is a big responsibility. It's good to have these musings OP. Middle of the night can be a good time to do this. The veil is thinner.

Original poster
Extrastout · 10/12/2018 04:49

Usually I feel I am failing at motherhood daily, lest anyone think I've a trumpet to blow.

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Original poster
Extrastout · 10/12/2018 04:54

Little ones hold you in such high esteem. You're a Mammy, you can cure all ills papercuts
The Mammy crown is a high station and is hard to live up to at times.

Also, I love when they come to you when they've had an argument. And you have to act all sage like King Solomon. That Mary took two turns on the swing, is a very difficult one to come to a decision on. Lol.

God I need sleep.

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Original poster
Extrastout · 10/12/2018 04:57

But you do feel like judge and jury (which is also a responsible position) when there's an argument and they both present their cases. Incoherently between sobs. And you're expected to rule.

Fuck me, nobody told me parenting would be this much responsibility. You don't sign up for this lol.

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notpushyinterested · 10/12/2018 05:04

I am a teaching assistant and I have been party to so many confidences, given magic rubs, put on plasters, mopped up tears. But sometimes the best thing I can do is phone someone's mummy because when the shit really hits the fan...that's who they need! !

ninecoronas · 10/12/2018 05:12

Last night I heard the familiar wail of "Mummeeeee" from two year old dd's room, so in I go (sort of blindly as i haven't even bothered to put my glasses on)...she's sitting bold upright, in tears, sobbing "what's that over there?"
I peer around. Nothing. I am more than a little unnerved.
She tells me it's "a cat" and clearly it's not welcome.. So now I have the job of getting rid of an imaginary naughty cat at 3am. But she was relying on Mum to sort it so I had to pull my shit together!
A bit of first aid, I've had training for...kids with lost parents, I know what to do...stuff like this throws you a curve ball!

Original poster
Extrastout · 10/12/2018 05:12

Hat off to you notpushyinterested! You replace Mum when she's not there. A very noble role (and undervalued). Flowers

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Original poster
Extrastout · 10/12/2018 05:15

Aw ninecoronas, the things we do. As an aside, how did you get rid of the imaginary cat?

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Original poster
Extrastout · 10/12/2018 05:17

I really don't get on with my Mum very well. However, when I'm ill? Who ya gonna call? Yo Mum. Because they can solve stuff and shit.

I'd say, if I was ever sent to jail and allowed one phone call, it would be to my Mum.

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Mummyoflittledragon · 10/12/2018 05:26

Such a lovely post Smile. notpushy you sound very well suited to the role!

Dd is 10 now and starting to want to sort her own shit out. She’s changed so much over the past year. Suddenly her dolls are a thing of the past!

Original poster
Extrastout · 10/12/2018 05:40

Mummyoflittledragon

Welcome to the world of 'my Mom knows nothing'.

I've been told it passes *yikes.

Their unwavering faith in you morphs into their unwavering knowledge of your inability to be a human when they turn 10. You are now the enemy. A sworn enemy. The destroyer of youth and happiness and high jinx. An absolute thorn in their sides. You are nothing but an annoying flea in their great existence. There is nothing better they would like than if you just moved out and let them lead their own lives.

This period also comes with responsibility. I'm currently in this period. Now I can tell why I was reminiscing on her younger days. *Sad face for the Daily Mail

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claraschu · 10/12/2018 05:45

Even when my mum had dementia and couldn't walk, i still had the feeling she could sort things out for me.

Original poster
Extrastout · 10/12/2018 05:51

Claraschu I think it's because Mums are problem solvers when you're young. You never forget that. I adored my Dad as a child and used to call out for him in the night if I needed the toilet, but as an adult, it's still my Mum I confide in. Mainly because she almost knows my thoughts before I speak them. I wonder whether it's a nature or nurture thing?

It's funny though, as I said in my OP, dd was 100% sure that I would solve the problem. That level of belief in you is awesome and humbling to experience.

Maybe we don't give ourselves enough credit sometimes. We're all just muddling through, rarely getting it right.

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DontHarshMyMello · 10/12/2018 05:51

I am 40 and still ring my mum to ask for stuff that I could just google the answer to or tell her if I feel ill Blush

sashh · 10/12/2018 05:52

Lovely thread to wake up to.

I'm not and never will be a mum (my choice) so I rarely get this but on the odd occasion I do, yep it's a real leveler.

Outfoxed · 10/12/2018 06:00

I have to admit that even at the age of 29, a grown woman living abroad, a few months ago when I was having issues with migration and felt like my world was falling apart- I rang my mum. She has no knowledge of internationalmigration laws, no prior experience to be able to help me; but some part of my brain just knew “what this situation needs is my mummy”.

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/12/2018 06:01

Thanks Extrastout. I feel your pain. Grin

Yup sworn enemy is often pretty precise!

Original poster
Extrastout · 10/12/2018 06:02

Sashh it's probably a being a woman thing maybe.
I was reading a thread the other day about stranger danger and a lot of Mums seemed to have advised their kids to find a person in uniform or a woman.
I know the feminism board is obsessed with men trying to take over, but I really don't think they ever will.

Because, just, women! Mums! Nobody can be us. No man, not the strongest most powerful man, can ever feel like a woman feels.

God I've gotten very philosophical. 38 hours and counting since sleep.

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