To feel like a failure.

[ToteBags]

I feel like a massive failure. I'm embarrassed of who I am. Im a shit role model for my kids esp to my daughter. I almost regret having them. I feel like I am not able to provide a good childhood for them- the best that they deserve. They deserve so much better. I've failed them too due to my shortcomings.

Life has been cruel to me for no reason. It's crushed me and pushed me to limits that i couldn't possibly have imagined. I feel so broken at times. Why me?

It's impossible to fix me. I've been trying for nearly 20 years. I feel hopeless.

Just need a rant.

Sorry you're feeling so low, hugs!

Why do you see yourself as a failure? Do you good relationships with your children?

You're here and alive. That's not a fail.

You sound like my DP, who is the kindest, warmest, funniest and reliable person I know. I bet others don't see you the way you do. Sorry you feel bad. Remember that everything changes

Go to bed OP. Trust me, everybody feels like a failure in the early hours of the morning if they aren't doing anything productive. It's a weird time of the day where all of a sudden everything bad you've ever done or said come flashing back to you and you lose sight of all the good things. If you go to sleep you will probably feel much better when you wake up.

I feel very similar at the moment, I'm feeling very down as I got drunk at the weekend and feel shot about it, I hate drunk me but I seem to not be able to stop myself. Only happens once every few months but the effects are long lasting!
I'm sure no one else sees you that way op. Life can be tough.

Haha. Yes I know what you mean. Things do look much more bleaker in the early hours of the night. I happened to be awake due to feeding baby and did promptly fall asleep however im still feeling just as crap in the morning!

It's my past. I didn't realise it till recently but I had developmental trauma and cptsd. It's left me with a lifetime of social anxiety, low self esteem, low self confidence, no friends, crap job. I have a bitch of an inner critic. Ive hated myself and who i was as a child. I "talk" to myself thr way my family spoke to me. I'm just a shell. I just exist. I hate even living. I can't undo it all.

You are raising a baby. That's pretty amazing. How old are they? Is it your first child? Even if you feel you fail at life in general do you feel you can be a great Mum? You don't need to have any particular skills to do that just lots of love.

Sorry you are feeling low. Have you anyone in real life to talk to?

Have you consider it might be post natal depression? That's really common.
BTW have you got the basics covered? I guess sleep is tricky with a baby about but do you eat ok and exercise? (If not excercise at least get out and about a little bit).

OP take a look at the "we took you to stately homes" thread, lots of people on there living with the impact of emotional abuse and toxic family dynamics during childhood. Hopefully you'll get some good advice on there and can start working through your issues with low self esteem and confidence. You'll get there, you will!

OP, I think we all have a bitch of an inner critic! That doesn't mean she's right. You sound totally overwhelmed, but you are still standing. So you are stronger than you think. Please do something nice for yourself, even if it's just buying some bath salts - the best place to start with this is a little self-kindness.