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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to give colleague my home address?

20 replies

historyusernameyour · 09/12/2018 23:47

So I have become sort of friendly with a new colleague who joined the firm in September on a short stint. She is lovely, yet a few things make me uneasy about her, as she heavily prefers people from her own social background and schooling etc.

She has been moved to our New York office for a month, and so has asked to send a few of us a Christmas card. Therefore wanting our home address. I feel I'd rather keep that private, so I said sent it to our London office as I won't be finishing for Christmas until at least another week.

But then she has replied something along the lines of that she won't get it sent by then, but jokingly said that if I'd rather not give my address then I can wait until the new year to receive the card.

What do I do?

The reason that I wouldn't like her to have my address, is that I currently live in a quite dodgy area whilst saving, whereas she has had a nice house bought by her parents.

OP posts:
Cherries101 · 09/12/2018 23:49

In future the ‘classy’ way to handle this is to tell her you would rather she donate to a named charity in your name. I have used this to get out of giving my address to colleagues too.

HollowTalk · 09/12/2018 23:52

I wouldn't give my address out - I'd just say, "Oh that's fine, I don't mind waiting" and leave it at that.

GotThatWhatWhat · 09/12/2018 23:54

she is lovely, yet a few things make me uneasy about her, as she heavily prefers people from her own social background and schooling etc.

She is not lovely if this is true.

Don't let anyone make you feel inferior.

Just don't reply to the email..

incallthebloodytime · 09/12/2018 23:59

Reply with "haha that's fine!" and if she asks further you could come up with a cover story such as a dog who eats Xmas cards or a relative taking your mail currently due to building work or some crap

LorraineBainesMcFly · 10/12/2018 00:07

Forgive me but I can’t see why you don’t want to give out your address.....incase she judges you for where you live? Presumably then won’t stay friendly with you if she thinks your not of the same “social background”??? If she does that she isn’t lovely and your better off not being friends with her anyway.

tolerable · 10/12/2018 00:19

tell her youre moving.office assures even late delivery.and not to question you again?x

TheRealJoseph · 10/12/2018 00:27

Set up a PO box until you get the card, then cancel it as soon as you get the card.

araiwa · 10/12/2018 00:29

You dont want to give her your address because youre embarrassed about where you live? Confused

OrigamiZoo · 10/12/2018 00:31

Give an address in the best part of town. She won't know, don't stress about a random card.

TheRealJoseph · 10/12/2018 00:33

Why can't she give you the card there & then while in the office?

UpstartCrow · 10/12/2018 00:33

You don't have to give a colleague your home address or a reason. They shouldn't ask twice.

halfwitpicker · 10/12/2018 00:34

Why is she still sending Christmas cards?

Marcipex · 10/12/2018 00:35

I like Origami's answer.

PyongyangKipperbang · 10/12/2018 00:36

So you dont want to give her your address in case she judges where you live?

So the hell what!? If she does then she is a fool as you are clearly further along in your career than she is (presumably in the same career?) and should be very careful how she acts with you given that you may well cross paths in future with you higher up than her.

Or are you ashamed of where your parents live?

colleaguedecreepo · 10/12/2018 00:36

I wish I'd had the chance to refuse. I've name changed for this as I'm wary.

You can tell how feel about this colleague. Their temporary job before joining this company involved coming to my home on a couple of occasions.

I didn't recognise them when they came to work with us. They proceeded to say 'I know you.' Left me wondering for a day or two about how we'd met.

Then proceeded to tell me my full name (not common knowledge at work), address, description of house, exactly where it was and a description of my garden. And my pet.

They told colleagues where I stay and the route I should take to work. And telling them I can't make it to work in the time I say I can. And that I'd made an impression when we'd 'met' before.

Call me a paranoid cow but there is a very small part of me wondering if they saw the company I worked for on a payslip envelope and sought out the job.

Creepy fucker.

LemonTT · 10/12/2018 00:39

Well the best thing to do is say you prefer not to give out your address as it is fine to send it to the office. Otherwise, just reply that you won’t be home for Christmas to get the card so work is fine as an address to send it to you. But suggest she leaves it for this year.

incallthebloodytime · 10/12/2018 00:43

The more I think about this... she's the weird one

Just send a card to the office - or several to the office

So much easier than hunting colleagues down for addresses

As much as you might be embarrassed over where you live she's actually being bloody weird to ask other than casual office conversation maybe of a general area or if she was coming round for dinner!

colleaguedecreepo · 10/12/2018 00:45

Sorry, Meant to say - card to the office is plenty.

It doesn't matter where you live or where she lives. If you wanted her to know your address she'd know already.

PyongyangKipperbang · 10/12/2018 00:59

Thinking about it, I sort of have this problem.

I am a pub manager so a lot of my customers friend request me on FB. I say no to all of them and they invariably ask me why I didnt accept. I say that I prefer to keep my FB seperate from work. I have had a few snotty comments but most people are ok about it.

ErrolTheDragon · 10/12/2018 01:02

Seems a bit OTT to send cards to colleagues at all, let alone with overseas postage. Confused

Send her an e-card and then a 'jokey' email saying you've realised it's the best way to avoid long transatlantic post times or suchlike.

FWIW I work from home so I do give my home address to colleagues who need it to send me work-related stuff, but I can't imagine anyone asking me for it for an Xmas card.

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