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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Want to tell work colleague get out of my face AIBU

13 replies

lilypoppet · 09/12/2018 22:34

A new guy has started at work and his personality is somewhat challenging. A conversation with him is like being run ovrt by a bus. He just talks at me about stuff I am not interested in. He comes up really close to me when I am trying to work and starts talking so I cant concentrate. HE IS REALLY irritating. Its a weight off my shoulders when he has a day off. He does not read my subtle hints so i have to resort to being rude to him or avoiding him. AIBU? How do i tell him to back off and shut up... in a polite way?

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 09/12/2018 22:38

Tricky. I’d want to say something like
“ I need to concentrate and I can’t when you are talking”
Or
“ I need to get on with my work now, but you talking is distracting me”
Or
“Can you let me get on with this?”
Or even As he starts
“Sorry! Too busy “

Lifeisabeach09 · 09/12/2018 22:38

'I'm trying to concentrate, shut the fuck up!' 'And don't stand so fucking near, you lech!' He'll get the message.

TheMaddHugger · 09/12/2018 22:52

Does he do this to everyone ? Or just you ?

MaisyPops · 09/12/2018 22:56

TheMaddHugger
I was going to ask the same thing.
Is it general or specific to you OP?

If it's general then perhaps his line manager ought to be having a word.

CrazyOldBagLady · 09/12/2018 22:58

You'll just have to be super busy for a while and say something like "Don't mean to be rude, but I need to concentrate on this for a while so I can't really talk at the moment". Hopefully he'll decide you're not a good target for his scintillating conversation. The drawback is you won't be able to talk to anyone else ever though, or you'll blow your cover.

Original poster
lilypoppet · 09/12/2018 22:59

I seem to get the brunt of it as i was buddied up with him. Other colleagues know hes weird but seen to be able to cope. I was reading an email id been copied into today and he started leaning right in and asking what it was all about so i had to say its private. Its exhausting.

OP posts:
NoShitHemlock · 09/12/2018 23:09

Unfortunately arseholes like this dont seem to react to subtlety (I work with one too), so I tend to be quite rude - hand up (in their face) with a "I have to stop you right there" or "Are you done yet?"

I am not very confrontational but it is the only thing that seems to work (for a few days - then he is back ffs).

Failing that, try lots and lots of garlic and onions - fingers crossed the smell will keep him away Grin

Therighthonourable · 09/12/2018 23:10

I had this with my maternity cover. Would mansplain everything to me, if I went into my managers office he would follow me in and just stand there or answer the questions i was asking my boss. He would ask me what work I was getting on with, tell me all about what he studied for his A levels, oh and his degree was mentioned maybe 50 times a day. He was sooo opinionated and condescending but worst of all... He would talk with his mouth full of food.

He was a real life Jay from the Inbetweeners.

Luckily it was only for 2 weeks whilst we completed a handover but it was 2 weeks too long.

I kept telling myself it could just be me, and that I had my back up due to coming back to work. But multiple others confirmed my thinking without being provoked.

Absolute tool.

acatcalledron · 09/12/2018 23:13

My OH is very much like this. He is an incredibly intelligent man but does not pick up on social cues and will often continue to talk at you even thought everyone else can see you are disinterested. It's a hard things to deal with especially as there is a running narrative about how "special" he is.

Best thing is to say "say sorry I can't chat right now" or "I need to do x, y and/or z" and walk away. Might seem harsh to you but obvious cues can't be ignored or misread

Maelstrop · 09/12/2018 23:15

Hand out at arms' length and tell him very plainly that this is the absolute closest he is allowed to get to you. I've had to do this with various colleagues over the years. One guy would practically back me up against the fence in the alley where we all smoked, drove me nuts. There's no need to be so close! Another had me backed against the wall, he was very intense and fortunately didn't last long. I recently had to tell a (female) colleague to stop stroking me! I was sitting next to her and she just started stroking my arm saying how soft my skin is. Very odd.

Karensbadger · 09/12/2018 23:16

That behaviour SCREAMS Aspergers/social communication disorder. Whilst it doesn’t make it any less irritating, you may find that you have to be very very blunt and clear to him. People with SCD/ASD often don’t “get” how close they should stand, conversational unspoken rules, and may struggle with voice modulation.

One of my kids is like this. I love every atom of him but it still makes me want to run screaming for the hills sometimes.

Anyway, he might not be a “twat”, he might just be wired up differently.

TheMaddHugger · 09/12/2018 23:43

@Karensbadger Sun 09-Dec-18 23:16:43
That behaviour SCREAMS Aspergers/social communication disorder.

Also Cultural personal Space might be in play
www.study-body-language.com/Personal-space-2.html

Original poster
lilypoppet · 10/12/2018 10:13

Got in today. Its his day off. Thank the Lord.

OP posts:
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