How to broach the subject of toning down Christmas.

[yoyo1234]

I really dislike Christmas ( today was awful). It makes me naseous with the: waste, clutter, demands ( time and financial). It feels pointless getting gifts because it is expected. Having to deal with the gifted afterwards. I really want ways of talking to relatives about how to cut it back.

Oops , "gifts" afterwards.

Following with interest as I too feel the same.

Just say “I’ve got everything I need, I’m sure have too, shall we just buy for the kids from now on?”
Although you might have left it a little late for this year, most people will have done most of their shopping already.

Bah! Humbug
Although it must be really hard not being a Christmas person. Expectations ARE a lot of pressure . If you find the solution to cutting back on this thread I may well make use of the advice too . Could you tell everyone you want to sponsor a donkey or an orphan or something ? At least your gift really will be doing good

You're not wrong. We decided to do Secret Santa a couple of years ago between the adults, and that works out. And what on earth is all this bollocks about having Christmas cushions, dinner services, clothes, presents the evening before, special food from weeks beforehand, christmas this and christmas that. And it is NOT for our benefit. The businesses selling this crap are coining it in.

I for one can't stand all this Christmas Markets nonsense. Was at one last weekend in a major city centre and there was no pleasure in it at all. Crammed in, no one able to get anywhere buying commercially produced crap and eating waffles and sausages on the hoof or rammed in with other people. Not a good time. Best Christmas activities here are spending time with friends and family either at home or going out for a walk in the countryside. We've been out today collecting greenery to decorate the house with and had a great times as a family. Bah Humbug!!!

Sorry for the rant

I broached the subject a few years ago - it did not go down well but I persevered and it was worth it - I continue to trim away more and more bits of crap I stupidly started when the kids were small. Christmas craziness never stops - people buying all their own gifts and wrapping them and putting them under the tree because they want something to open! Being asked what they want by relatives - they suggest theatre vouchers and they give their relatives book vouchers for the exact same value - I really don't understand adults enjoying this nonsense but apparently it's worth fighting for - it's the spirit of Christmas!

We have done lots of requesting donations to charities ( deals with clutter a bit,not all relatives happy). However we are still then getting them a gift and costs add up so much.

I think Martin Lewis has really helped with this. He feels very strongly about not exchanging tat at Christmas. I would use what he has a said (google M L & Christmas) to start a conversation around toning things down.
We are doing that this year. Feels great to take the pressure off.

Sounds like I need to perserver more. It is ridiculous the dance of exchanginggift cards of similar value etc. I have occasionally thought I do not need a cinema voucher, money for Lidl/ Morrisons/Tesco shops would be far more useful.

Thank you thegoodenoughwife the amount of charity donations I make after Christmas rockets . I am going to check the website to get pointers. I am desperate. I lost it today with the wrapping

Don't wait 2 weeks until D Day when everybody has probably bought everything already!

If it's happy holiday makes you in such a bad mood, just tell your relative straight next year: you are not buying them any gift, or you keep a limit, or do a secret Santa. But tell them in the summer, not in mid-December.

You can spend as much or as little as you want. I have seen many posts of people using the amazon packaging to wrap their presents, they just add a bit of red twine and a pretty label or some stamps, or get the kids to make the labels by cutting old Christmas cards.

I think it's sad not to buy presents for your parents. For siblings, just get them some mince pie or chocolate, something you know they like. No waste there.

When my sisters and I started having children eons ago we all agreed to scrap Xmas presents for adults. My mother gets an Amazon voucher now from all of us and that's how she likes it. No GP to buy for.
I never started buying for DH side anyway (I had a few years of outrage from his mother which I ignored) so if he wants them to have presents he sorts it.
So Im left with presents to get for the kids and do a Xmas lunch shop.
Of course there's putting the tree up and the Xmas do and some activities with the kids when they were small, but I generally try and keep it as cut down as possible.

The poster saying about the Christmas markets has it bang on, freezing cold, all crammed in, trying to get a glance at overpriced tat with the smell of sausages all around.

Watched it (Martin Lewis). It really resonated for me the obligation and demands gift giving brings . Each year I am stressed , wondering how to pay bills, attempt some financial plan for my future and some relatives do not notice.I ask (no gift giving) they disagree. Gifts unwanted take up space we do it have and I think what I could have got that would be useful ( or bill I could have paid).

I combat the tat situation but telling my relatives exactly what I would like them to buy me—one very specific thing—and tell them that’s it. Nothing more. It means that I get something I truly want and will use (it’s usually something like a specific book or a very particular food item), they don’t have to feel uncomfortable about not giving gifts, and it means that I’m participating in gift giving without it being wasteful because I ask them to do the same and tell me one thing they really want. I can’t stand all the aisles of gifts in the supermarket which is basically things that no one wants or really needs. I also don’t buy for colleagues/neighbours/postmen () like some people seem to feel obliged to. If I give to anyone outside of immediate family and friends it’s usually a card and homebake. I find this works well and means that no one ends up with crap.

Special meals, buy what you need for them, and a sufficient quantity, but no extras. And for outside of mealtimes allow each family member to pick one favourite snack food.

Ditto drinks - get a bottle of each person's favourite, but you don't need gallons and gallons.

If you can, plan some quiet time when you can go off for a walk in the country / somewhere away from rampant commercialism, or sit quietly and read a book.

Consider some volunteering, or emptying some clutter from the house before Christmas and donating it to a charity shop.

Wrap presents in brown paper - on other threads posters have recommended which ones are recyclable.

We moved to the US and suddenly everyone looked at how much the postage cost and stopped! Not a very helpful idea.

We've also cut back cards to about 10 now.

DH's mum LOVES Christmas and would buy for everyone, and counts how many cards she gets each year etc. We, of course, include her in presents, but agreed with the extended family to cut back. She was really offended (it didn't affect her, it was us to DH's aunt/cousins etc) but then she had a huge falling out with her sister and now pretends that that entire section of family never existed, so it doesn't matter now anyway.

I would make a point of saying this year that next year you will only be buying for your immediate family/children/whatever. Repeat it later in the year. If the subject comes up, say you'd rather not have presents etc. Then if someone does give you something you'll have to decide if you'll hand it back, or just say it was very kind of them but really no need, as you have now cut down the number of presents you do.

I LOVE Christmas but still only enjoy doing the bits that involve immediate family. I happily see extended family if we're home for Christmas, but spending time/money on travel is the 'gift' we give!

We have friends who do a themed secret Santa each year, including kids. Get together at the beginning of December to discuss the theme and set the price limit. Then everyone picks a name. Themes they've had are something green, beginning with a specific letter. We don't have a large family so it's not really relevant for us.

I agree
We are quite sensible here - but for kids only

Friends we are specific (only 2 friends exchange gifts)

But the pressure is also on for so much more - panto work night friends round family visits wrapping blah blah

Start Christmas two weeks before and buy basic

Bah humbug

I started just asking for things I need a few years ago and it's great! I get my shampoo, conditioner, soap (all pricey as I have sensitive skin and a hair routine) and things like underwear and towels/bedding that I don't want to buy because at least it's not wasted money.

We have a 'no shit' rule in the family and no one buys crap so that's a bonus. When I had DD it was clear we didn't want or need loads of tat, now she's older -well 3, but knows what she wants- she lets me know what she's asking Santa for and the list is shared out between the family (and god love her she wants 3 things this year, 2 of which don't exist 😂) no houseful of rubbish!

I'd go with suggesting a secret Santa for less to buy even if it's a couple for different families/groups and a set value for kids to keep it sensible and fewer things each. One of the best secret Santa's I've done we all wrote 3 things we'd like or ideas on a piece of paper and set a limit of £10, it was brilliant!

I'm 100% against Christmas Eve boxes, gifts the night before, gifts throughout December, 'reindeer food' thats basically glitter put out to kill wildlife and all the other useless commercial tat that's sprouted in recent years though. It's gotten out of hand and taken the specialness of Christmas Day away a bit because it's a month long pantomime for some peopled who can spend more! Definitely stand your ground on that stuff!

Social media does not help either! There are so many damn events on that people seem to be going to! If it's not a Santa visit it's a Santa train or a mulled wine event or a Yule run or a Christmas tree festival! I've not booked a thing this year round and we are still busy with parties and choir concerts! Every year it seems to expand and the whole of December seems full of Christmas activities!

Everyone was relieved when I suggested gifts for children only between wider family.

Each year I am stressed , wondering how to pay bills, attempt some financial plan for my future and some relatives do not notice. OP this is awful - even if you give people a list of stuff you'd like, you will probably feel uncomfortable asking for cheap shampoo - which you'd probably happily buy for yourself, you are being manipulated into spending more than you feel happy to...and it doesn't make you happy - who benefits? Retailers!

most people will have done most of their shopping already

Oh God - will they have, really? I've only started thinking about it today. I bought my first present.

I hate Christmas!

We had a new baby last year and I said early on I really wouldn't be up for doing any Christmas shopping or organising. I was just direct and said sorry I just couldn't cope with it. To be honest I think others were relieved.

We agreed just to buy for the (young) kids

What we did was splash out a bit more on food. So I took a couple of bottles of wine that were much more expensive than I'd usually buy and others who went to the meal did the same with posh chocolates and things, so it felt really special.

You could agree to all put some money to charity, towards a day out or activity together instead, or save it, or do a secret santa (possibly all put in a present request so you get something you actually want) or home made gifts if people are desperate to have something to open (if you enjoy doing that kind of thing - not if it's going to make you feel more pressured)

Just be direct, firm and give plenty of notice (beginning of October or something)