Annoyed ds's teacher told ex about him

8 replies

upsideup · 09/12/2018 18:11

DS's teacher happened to teach my ex's dd (while I was her step mum) over 15 years ago, in a different school and in a different year group. She's now an adult and I've stayed in close contact with her but both of us try to have little to do with her dad. Ex(dsd) had lots of problems at school and this teacher was really amazing for her. she's been great with ds so far as well.

Ex has sent me an email saying he bumped into ds's teacher where they spoke about ds and (ex) dsd. I dont think she said anything extremely personal or negative but said things like he sometimes chooses to play on his own and struggles with team work, loves art and sport but hates maths and English etc. This is slightly similar to what dsd was like at school but no where near as bad and so far no one has raised any concerns but ex now thinks he is exactly like dsd was.

I don't think him knowing anything puts ds in any danger but I wouldn't have told my ex this infomation and would prefer he didnt know. I will now probably get weird emails about it for a few months which is annoying but I know they will stop eventually, he also has the opportunity to upset dsd which he hasnt done yet.

AIBU to be annoyed by this? Has she broken any rules and would you bother doing anything if as she's been a perfectly good teacher otherwise?

OP posts:

Darkstar4855 · 09/12/2018 18:17

I’m confused, is your ex the father of your son as well as your stepdaughter? If not then no, the teacher shouldn’t be talking to him about your son, that’s very unprofessional.

Isitweekendyet · 09/12/2018 18:21

Is there a no/supervised contact order against your ex?

If there is then she has violated a HUGE amount of safeguarding restrictions and you need to take this to the head.

If not and you'd just have preferred he didn't know then she's done nothing wrong and is just discussing her student with his parent.

Original poster

upsideup · 09/12/2018 18:21

No, he's not the father of my son.

OP posts:

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 09/12/2018 18:29

Is it possible she doesn't know your ex isn't the father of your son, or that she got momentarily confused seeing him with DSD out of context?

If you like the teacher and think it could have been a genuine mistake then I'd email her and say that she must have been confused, but that X has nothing to do with ds and so clearly she shouldn't have shared any information with him.

If you think it's deliberate then I'd go postal, to be honest.

Is there a chance that X is making it up though?

Original poster

upsideup · 09/12/2018 18:42

She's met Dh who is Ds's father and there's no other way for ex to have have found out who ds's teacher is or what he like at school.

OP posts:

NailsNeedDoing · 09/12/2018 18:46

I'd have a word to let her know that relations between you and your ex aren't good, but I wouldn't hold it against her. She hasn't said anything that would be considered confidential and she probably had no idea that basic chit chat with an ex school parent about a child they both know would be a problem for you.

The ex probably came across to her as a nice, harmless person, and he could well be exaggerating the conversation in his email to you.

SilverApples · 09/12/2018 18:51

Go and ask her.
Sometimes it’s hard to keep all the various family combinations and partner swaps straight in your head as a teacher, which wasn’t a problem in the days when parents didn’t feel they had the right to contact, talk and interact with teachers out of school. Now one can be blindsided anywhere. I tend to smile, and stick to frivolous, generic comments.
Ask her what actually happened.

RedHelenB · 09/12/2018 19:34

Do you know for definite that she actually said this or are you just relying on your ex telling you the truth?

Flip