asking a teenager to do jobs at home?

[Justalittlebitfurther]

AIBU both myself and DH work full time so I ask my DD who is in yr 13 to do some jobs around the house at the weekends to help out.
Today she has not done the jobs, which is fairly common. She claimed I was not specific enough with her as I was out, I feel at 17 she has seen and done it enough times for me not to need to be specific.
What do you ask teenagers to do? Does it cause arguments?

At 17 my DDs could do pretty much anything around the house and unless it was something not done often, they would know how to do it. What was it she was asked to do?

Don't do what I did and let her away with it OP I enabled my daughter and at 20 years old barely does anything for herself, make her accountable and remind her if she wants to be treated as an adult she has to pitch in

YANBU at all, can you make her pocket money/ internet access conditional on doing the jobs?

My DD is 13. She collects two primary siblings from school and watches them for 15 mins before I get home. She cooks breakfast on a Sunday morning for everyone. Washes the dishes twice a week and cleans the bathroom once a week. Is also responsible for washing her own laundry. She also has a Saturday job for 4 hrs a week.

All my kids have chores to do. Absolutely refuse to raise adults who can’t look after themselves. Although they have all always had to do chores since they were tiny. It’s a bit hard to establish once they are older I think

I leave written lists. Monthly allowance is only given if all lists are completed! They now cook, clean, look after dog, do laundry etc (at 19&17). If they fail there's one other punishment, their grandmother will stay when we go away later in the year (they want to be left alone!)

Also, a point they are probably sick of hearing. We are mothers. Not skivvys. Everyone who lives here has to chip in.

My DS is the same age. Without being asked he - walks the dog, does all his own laundry, fills and empties the dishwasher, hoovers, clears the table after meals, carries shopping from the car.

When asked he - will cook for us all, put out rubbish, get up in the loft (!), nip to the shops, pretty much anything really. Without a fuss, but sometimes in his own time - I try not to nag.

What was she asked to do, and in what way does she think you weren’t specific? When I was 17 my younger sisters and I did basically all the housework between us except for the cooking.

Can you talk to her this evening, and say something along the lines of “right this is what I need you to do, and you do it following steps a b c. Is there anything you don’t understand or any reason you won’t be able to do it.” Once she realises she won’t get away with not doing it hopefully she’ll realise it’s less hassle to do it rather than have you interrupt her evening to talk her through it in painstaking and incredibly long detail, just to make sure she totally understands.

If not, then I’d start taking away various things eg internet, pocket money if she gets it, I’d certainly be inclined to claim to be far too busy to drop her off somewhere she wants taking if she claims she’s far too busy to do the hoovering etc

my 10 year old is autistic and takes his dirty crockery to the sink. he sometimes helps carry shopping up to the flat. he will do more in time.

dd has been putting washing away since 11, collecting and taking out the recycling, and sometimes for a treat she is allowed to wash up. she also sometimes hoovers her room.

My dd 10 Hoover's and brings the Hoover upstairs. Polish. Cleans bathroom. Changes nappies. Washes up. Feeds the baby. You get my drift. My 7 year old dd Hoover's and polishes and is in charge of washing dishes at her grandads and in bins in our house. She has also been taught supervised to feed the baby and change a nappy. They are not slaves but neither am I. My husband has advanced stage cancer and I am currently a full time carer and single parent dealing with emotions of all kinds. And my girls and I have our ups and downs however we have cancer in our life. Waiting to see if my husband has beat the fucker. So I really think your daughter needs to read some of these posts. Just to add from the age of 8 I used to wheel my granny on her wheels chair and all of the above jobs. No excuses foe her lack of respect. And totally honest you need to call her out on her shitty behaviour. Just to add me and my girls are not perfect. But no point being a family if you can't work together and a 17 year old wanting lifts and money. To have her a lesson you and your hubby should take the amount she gets and add any petrol on and add any treats on from shopping. Fuck off spending it on daughter and you and your husband go out for a meal. Leave her a tin of beans on the counter and just to teach a valuable lesson get the o as where you need a tin opener and hide it. Trust me.... honestly what will she be like at uni...

Does she have set tasks to do each week, or different things depending what needs doing? If the former, YANBU as she should know what needs to be done. If the latter, maybe you could leave her a list.

My kids are too young for this but as a teen myself I used to clean the whole house every weekend.
I made myself a list with how long each task should take and worked through it.
Make her a list she can keep!

She basically couldn't be arsed. Unless she's not neurotypical, then it's highly unlikely that she didn't know what to do. Make it routine, tell her you want x, y and z done by whatever or on whatever day, weekly expectation and for her to stop being a lazy mare.

User so sorry your husband has cancer. You and your girls sound remarkable. I am going to show my horrible, disrespectful Son this post tomorrow after yet another run in. He doesn't do anything and I end up doing far too much and really resenting it. Hope your husband beats the fucker flowers

Sorry the emoji didn't work

My teenagers don't have set jobs but they are expected to do whatever jobs they are asked to do so they will wash up, cook their dinner, hang laundry out, clean up after their pets, run the carpet sweeper over the rug and empty the bins (though that one takes a bit of persuasion)

Your first mistake was not having her responsible for household chores years ago. By 17 she she be well versed in basic life skills, FGS. Don't tolerate her laziness for one second. It's high time you stop treating her like a small child.

I have 3 boys 6,5 and 2. My 6 and 5 year old bring down their washing to the washing basket, help put their own washed clothes away. Put away their own shoes and coats (on hangers) when they get in. Wash their own plates after they have eaten and load into the dishwasher. They also have to wash up their brothers’. They also do the empty the recycling into the main bin outside. I’m now teaching my 6 year old how to hoover!

Thank you for all your replies. I think there was misunderstanding from my OP, she does get jobs and regularly helps out with certain tasks. We have always insisted her and her sister have been independent and completed chores as well as tasks to look after themselves. However she will often appear to do the bare minimum and sometimes won’t do things at all. Either because she forgets or doesn’t prioritise properly. It causes arguments all the time and she does seem to think we are being unfair. I have queried whether she is NT, she is often completely unable to organise herself and is struggling with her A-levels. She can’t prioritise or plan and gets extremely upset when she thinks people are cross with her about things she knows she should have done but hasn’t managed properly. She also seems to have some degree of SPD. I don’t know how to help her and manage my own frustrations about the lack of support with tasks at home. Whatever her needs, it is not reasonable to not be able to manage household tasks. Maybe I will have to resort to writing lists for her.
User I am so sorry to hear about your DH. I’m glad to hear your children are supportive.