To enjoy the time whilst my children are with my ex

[Workreturner]

Single mum of 8 and 5 year old.
No family support whatsoever.

My children are loving, polite, fun, kind, joyful and “easy”. I love my time with them. They go to my ex’s 2x a month from Friday after school to Monday morning one fortnight and then Friday ti Sunday the next fortnight. Works out to be 5 Nights a month

And I really Enjoy that time. I go to yoga, I sit in a coffe shop and catch up on messages, I catch up on housework and laundry, I see friends for brunch, I flake out on sofa at 3pm and watch a film.

But there’s an ever present gnawing feeling that I shouldn’t feel like this. Somehow it is a reflection of me being a sub standard mother that I’m fine, in fact happy, to be apart from my children every other weekend.

It’s odd I’m not looking for reassurance. I’m looking for brutal honesty!

Tia

Since when has taking opportunity to look after your mental and physical health become a bad thing? Surely it makes you a better mother. You are a human and a mother not just a mother.

Yes! I frequently see people saying how they hate when their kids are with their dad and I think why?! my ex is absent so I get no break at all, I would love a break!!!

I'm not a single parent, we rarely get time away from the kids.
I never miss them. My husband works away and I don't miss him either.
I like to think it's because I am content with my own company and the kids are with people I trust.
Maybe I'm weird but I don't think I am.
If I wouldn't see them for a long time I would miss them.

I’m married and rarely get a break from mine because weekends are ‘family time’. It’s lovely on the one hand but I’d love a break on the other. The grandparents etc never have them. It sounds silly but sometimes I envy separated parents that as at least each parent (provided it’s a healthy situation where the ex pulls their weight) gets a weekend alone. An hour whilst the other parent takes them to the park isn’t the same as a whole day or weekend. DH took them out for a few hours yesterday so I could get things done for Christmas and it was bloody bliss. I wouldn’t feel in the slightest bit guilty. I’d kill for someone to take them for the odd weekend, it’s never happened in 6 years and myself and DH would love a break! Enjoy it OP, you have them most of the time and need a break. That’s natural.

Don't feel bad, you do the lions share, enjoy you're time alone

I feel the same. Push ‘em out the door some Saturdays!

Yep I'm with you Life0fbrian! And I only have one! In fact the very fact I feel that way is probably why I have one! I'm either at work or with my 4 year old DD and would love the occasional day by myself as I'm a huge introvert.

It means you have your tank full when they get back. You are refreshed and ready for action. How can that be bad. My dh and l are together but anytime he took them out or off for a weekend to his dps it was brilliant to get some space. Lap it up. You deserve it.

I adore my children....they're young but amazing, but I seriously relish my very rare alone time when they're at their dads.

Sounds bliss! Enjoy!!

Do not feel guilty at all. You need your break and me time and your kids all the rest of the month.

I am the mum who didn't cry and wail when my DS went to uni because I saw it as a celebration of his growth, success and independence!

Nothing unreasonable about it. My two are bloody gorgeous, polite and funny as fuck but the two nights a month I get to spend with just my OH, I relish and make the most of.
His ex on the other hand is a martyr who resents the time his kids are with us and doesn't seem to ever just want a break. Bizarre.

How wonderful!

Thank you

I feel better already!

No ! I love it when I get child free time
It’s like having a little gift of old me
It’s great you enjoy it . I feel so sad when I read people who sit and mope . I think one of the few perks of this is what you state . Enjoy it and rest

I have recently split with H. He has DD Friday night to Sat lunchtime each weekend. I LOVE my Saturday mornings alone. Long walk with the dog and then a peaceful coffee out somewhere and maybe a browse in the shops!

You're so lucky. Make the most of it and enjoy every minute.

I think the break makes me a better mum as I’m rested & had some me time.

This, ^^ I had to travel for a few days recently and the break from my family really refreshed me, even though I was busy! Just having a coffee in the airport and reading the paper in peace was blissful!

Enjoy your "me" time and you'll be a happy, relaxed Mum when they're back home.

Not at all UR. Aside from the fact that it's nice to have a little time alone and have a break, this is the way it is so no point being upset about it - it's happening so you may as well enjoy it.

I get 4 days a month free and it's fab. I missed them like mad the first few times, but now I look forward to it! It's the only day I don't have to get anyone out of bed, feed anyone but me, find stuff, do homework etc etc. Some days I fill the day with all the house stuff I couldn't or wouldn't do when they're here. And the other days I just lie on the sofa watching eastenders.

Being the grown up 24/7 takes its toll, you need a day off to reset.

Don't feel guilty about it at all. You get 5 days to yourself a month. That means it's still you doing the other 25 (on average) days all by yourself the rest of the time!!

Part of having a healthy relationship with anyone is being able to admit that you need a break from one another at times.