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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

It’s a xmas one, help!

37 replies

xmasbamechange · 09/12/2018 16:06

Hi everyone; name changed because I’ve already told this story to a few people in RL and don’t want them to see other threads.

Ok so I really have absolutely no idea who is being U so I’m quite happy to be told it’s me, I just need some independent people to be my sounding board.
DH has a very good relationship with my parents, everyone gets along brilliantly and DH has slotted in well to my close family. He doesn’t get along with any of his siblings so his mum really is all he has family wise. She’s a lovely lady and we really get along but there’s a few issues, such as she is very emotionally manipulative but I am understanding as she doesn’t have a partner and I know that they have a close relationship so try not to get involved.

We always go to his mums on xmas day and my parents Boxing Day, no problems. This year she is coming to us because we have a new baby. Fine, no problem. DH mentioned about a month ago about maybe inviting my parents aswell as they go to my aunts in the late afternoon so could effectively come earlier if timing worked out. I misunderstood this and just invited them, not realising that tbf it does really not fit in timing wise with what we had planned, completely except this is my fault.

Now here is my Aibu, over the years my parents have invited his mum to religious festival family get togethers atleast 3 times a year. Regularly include her with our family as my parents really like her and do feel sad for her that she has no partner, parents, aunts or anyone in her life. They have welcomed her into their family and have done this yes because they like her but also because they love my husband. Me and DH include her with my parents in everything. I totally get that xmas day is our thing that we do with his side and that them coming does put a huge spanner in the works but I am so upset how he seemed to feel nothing about just “uninviting” them. I’m not suggesting that they should still definitely come as they do have other plans but he just didn’t seem to feel like it was his problem or anything. We have spoken about it and he did apologise but I’m still so hurt but am not sure if I’m being silly to still be harbouring really upset feelings.
Aibu? Thanks!

OP posts:

TeenTimesTwo · 09/12/2018 20:09

Eat at 1pm. Sorted.

Original poster

xmasbamechange · 09/12/2018 20:12

dippledorus yes I did. I didn’t mean to it was the way I worded it and then wanted to eat my words the second I said it. I completely get why he’s upset, it’s exactly what you have said.

OP posts:

Original poster

xmasbamechange · 10/12/2018 02:41

Bump

OP posts:

MrsStrowman · 10/12/2018 03:20

This just isn't a problem, you just say to them we're eating at two, I know you eat dinner with aunt Sheila, so you're welcome to pop round in the morning or after we've had our early dinner, if that seems a bit of a faff for a short amount of time, no worries, we'll still see you boxing Day anyway as we usually do.
You're getting upset over nothing

Flowerpot2005 · 10/12/2018 04:05

Im still not getting it, you keep saying it's about timings but won't be specific on what these timings are.

OP, on what basis did your DH mean when he said to invite your DP's?
Was it a drink or for dinner? What time did he want them there?

When you invited DP's, on what basis did you offer...drink or dinner? What have DP's said they will come?

Your parents are going to your aunts later Christmas Day, so unless you plan to eat around 4/5pm, there is no problem that I can see.

Flowerpot2005 · 10/12/2018 04:06

What time have DP's said they'd come.

BreakfastAtLitanies · 10/12/2018 04:08

Thank you for explaining further, I see the issue now

I don't think it's the worst thing for your parents to pop in on Christmas day. It's not as if DH's mum can't still come? Sounds like a miscommunication and I think he's overreacting to be acting all hurt - it's not as if you can only have one guest at a time!

Comeandhaveago · 10/12/2018 04:26

If they are eating at your aunt’s in the evening surely they won’t wabt to eat with you as well anyway?

GinIsIn · 10/12/2018 04:28

This really isn’t a massive problem. You say you normally eat at 2, so just eat at 1. Surely your DH and MIL aren’t going to take issue with one hour’s difference?

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/12/2018 04:39

Sorry I’m really lost as to why this is even an issue. Your mil will get time alone with you and your children when your parents leave. All this stress over one day.

The first question is, do you intend to feed them? I think I would tbh. It’s a nice thing to do both for them and as a sharing experience.

Personally with a young child and a baby - I’m assuming your older child is quite young, eating at lunchtime is a no brainer. Organise it so that they drop in for a while before you eat 1/2? and then they will leave shortly after at 3.30 anyway. Job done.

Ok this was a little eff up on the communication front. However you are getting to spend Christmas Day with your parents for the first time in donkeys years. Why shouldn’t you fgs! Tell your dh what is happening rather than asking him.

Also will you be waiting until everyone is there to unwrap the gifts? This is what my parents used to do when I was a child and I’ve kept this the same with dd - everyone up, awake and dressed unless it’s the 3 of us. Stockings first thing obvs.

Wouldn’t it be lovely for your parents to see your eldest opening their gifts for once??

And your dh is being really silly - or perhaps looking for stupid excuses. As the hosts, it is perfectly normal to ask your guests to arrive at a certain time and the time food will be served.

StoppinBy · 10/12/2018 04:57

Wouldn't it be nice to have both sets of parents over if they get along?

Lunch time here is round 12 (or you know 12:30 to 1 if we are running late ;-) ) so I don't see why you can't just move lunch backwards if the concern is round the time of the meal.

I think it would be very unkind to uninvite them and do think it was poor of him to suggest doing that.

Tinkety · 10/12/2018 05:19

OP, how would you feel if as well as seeing his mum on Christmas Day & making the day about her, your DH then went ahead & invited her on Boxing Day - which is the day you spend with your parents - without speaking to you & then asked you to change timings (or as you say compromise) to suit his mother because she has to dash off somewhere else?

This is basically what you’ve done & if it was me, I’d be annoyed. I’m not really seeing how your DH is being unreasonable & quite frankly I think you’re being the manipulative one by bringing up how much your family have welcomed him & his mother etc. Boxing Day is already about your parents so I don’t see why Christmas Day should be too.

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