To wait for friend to Uniate next meet-up

[DeckTheHalls1]

I have just realised that every catchup I have had with a friend over the past 2 years has been initiated by me. Know each other through local school before we moved and kept in touch as kids are friends. But I have just realised it is always me who initiates the arrangement and we meet about 4 times per year. I'm now feeling paranoid and wonder if my friend really values our catchups or not. She always seems to a the time but I only know her through school so not extremely well. I feel disappointed as I have realised that I might value the friendship a lot more. But I don't want to be the one always making the arrangements. Aibu to stop making arrangements now and wait for her to call us next time?(if tho she might not for whatever reason)...

*inititate!

*initiate. Red face!

Only clicked as I thought what's urinating got to do with anything? Sorry Op

And now I've actually read it she does sound really lazy and if it's gone on for nearly two years now I don't think it'll change x

yep, definitely wait and see if she contacts you.
I've ended up in this situation many times. it hurts, but at least you know the score.

See I get why you are upset but I also find myself not getting in touch with people to make arrangements to meet up - it's due to time really, I'm a single mother and work full time so time for social stuff is very firmly on the back foot at the moment. Having said that I'm good at keeping in touch with phone calls/WhatsApp and delighted when there is finally something which I can come along too. I'm in middle of a horrible divorce too so confidence at an all time low. Sometimes I reckon I'm just not good company right now. Hope you sort it out with your pal.

I'm like your friend. I'm shy (and in recovery from PTSD) and find it hard to initiate meeting up because I always feel I'm putting on whoever I'm asking to meet up. Like they might feel they have to say yes even if they don't want to see me.

I'm lucky my friends realise this and they pin me down on dates and stuff then I know they DO want to see me.

But yeah - maybe it's become a 'thing' and she's just used to you making contact? How about messaging her saying hi and see if she brings up a meet?

You say she seems to enjoy it and she always turns up!
Perhaps it's not a thing that you are imagining? She might be a bit slack, but I think it's easy to get caught up in stuff sometimes without it being anything sinister.
If you were doing all the arranging and she was flaky about meeting it would be different.
Don't read too much into it and don't 'test' it.

Thanks ladies. Helpful perspectives. cake ur probably right I should not test it.. but I must admit it would feel better if she took the initiative once. A bit annoyed with myself for feeling like this as an adult ! But sometimes when at a low ebb these situations get at me and erode confidence.. of course it must b much harder for the ladies who just don’t have time due to illness , divorce etc -thx for the perspectives.

I do get how you feel about leaving it up to her for once, but some people are just a bit crap and it might end up making you feel worse if she is not very organised and forgets.
If you are feeling low don't leave yourself vulnerable to feeling worse.

If you've always initiated contact, she probably won't think to start now.

A close friend of mine will repeatedly call/text to catch up or say she misses me, or if she needs advice but she's so crap at arranging meet-ups. Our mums used to work together when they were pregnant with us, so we've known each other a long time (they're still friends too), but my mum says her mum is exactly the same. Both she and her mum are like that with everyone, and if I didn't know them so well it would be offensive, but it's just how she is. We've been through a lot together and it doesn't bother me to have to arrange when we meet up, she's much more of a last minute person anyway and I like to plan in advance.

I always initiated contact with an old school friend... I stopped and haven’t seen or heard anything from her for almost 2 years! She only lives about 20 mins away (assuming she hasn’t moved away). TBH we were growing apart anyway so the last couple of meet ups were a bit awkward.

YANBU OP but be prepared to lose your friend.

If you enjoy the meets, why "test" her?if she didn't like you she'd be saying no and if you did not like her you wouldn't be inviting. Simple, over analysing is only going to taint things. Shift the dynamic if you need, but if it's not broke value it for what it is.

I stopped initiating with my best friend. It's now nearly 4 years since I've seen her.

I send messages on her birthday (a month before mine) and Christmas, consequently I get them back. I didn't send for either last year, and so didn't receive any from her.

I miss her everyday but it's clearly not reciprocated, and I feel that she must have been looking to bring our friendship to an end herself to have behaved in this way after 25 years