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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think a coworker is talking in innuendo

22 replies

TroubledMomAdvice · 09/12/2018 11:59

I don't know if am being unreasonable, a coworker of mine have been talking to me in innuendos. Initially I didn't quite understand but later found that he is crossing the limits. I don't know if it's my own thinking or his way of talking. Am happily married with children and call England home for the last 15 years and never experienced this. I work with men and women and always been comfortable. Since English is not my first language, initially I ignored the behaviour, even now I doubt myself whether am reading too much between the lines.But still I feel it's going to the point that I feel so uncomfortable. These are some which I could think of, once we were moving to a different floor in office and on a group message to my team I asked if anyone need help in moving their things, his response for that was 'I would like a flatscreen tv, I cld do away with something bigger in my bedroom' . I ignored it, on another instance on the same group chat, I mentioned someone rejected my work accidentally, for that the person's response was 'I cld use ur client''. A month back, I had a work session with another colleague, for which he asked me, 'hello, how was the experience?(without mentioning anything related to work)'.
In meetings, when explaining a piece of work me and this innunendo person did, he explains like 'u and me established that connection...' I have never seen him talking like that to anyone. Either he is acting normal and am understanding things differently or he gets pleasure in talking in innuendos to a person who doesn't immediately get it.
I really don't know how to react...please help me how to fix this!!!

OP posts:

CuriousaboutSamphire · 09/12/2018 12:17

It is hard to tell from here. Do you have a colleague or line manager that you trust?

You could explain your situation to them and they could guide you. Whatever he is doing, whatever his intentions, he is making you feel uncomfortable and a line manager's help would be useful in getting him to stop!

Bombardier25966 · 09/12/2018 12:20

Are your examples word for word? They don't make sense.

twattymctwatterson · 09/12/2018 12:21

Honestly it's difficult to tell from these particular examples. I'm not sure these are enough to really do anything other than ignore

insancerre · 09/12/2018 12:22

Not seeing anything wrong with what he is saying
Is it a problem with your understanding?

curlykaren · 09/12/2018 12:25

The example about the TV and needing something bigger in the bedroom, is very cleary a smutty inuendo. Next time it happens just say, 'I don't enjoy your suggestive tone, please maintain professionalism in the work place'.

Racecardriver · 09/12/2018 12:28

I really don’t read needing something bigger in the bedroom as smutty unless OP is a man.

BMW6 · 09/12/2018 12:29

I think I'd say something along the lines of "you sound like a sniggering little schoolboy, have you considered acting your age, not your shoe size"?

testetesting · 09/12/2018 12:57

He wanted something bigger in the bedroom? That sounds like a request for a bigger penis. Are you a man? Is he gay?

I think it sounds like you're imagining offence. Actually, it isn't even you. You "found" he's crossing limits. 2nd-hand bollocks.

Sallygoroundthemoon · 09/12/2018 13:00

I'm not sure I understand. Seems ok to me. Maybe it's your knowledge of English that's the issue?

drquin · 09/12/2018 13:03

I genuinely don't know whether there's a problem or not, you'll have to go on your gut-feeling unfortunately.

There may be something in his comments - or maybe

The TV in the bedroom comment - some might find it smutty because the bedroom was mentioned; would it have been less smutty, more funny if he'd said he needed a bigger TV for his lounge - I'd have said yes, in as much as we'd have been having a laugh about new office furniture and being silly about what we could take home, and it's obvious we're being silly as the alternative is theft. So context would be really important.

Equally, saying he could use your client if they no longer used you could be interpreted as just practical business-sense. If client didn't want to use you personally, it's reasonable the company wants to keep the client just using your colleague as the contact point.

The "you and me have a connection" - again context is everything. It's probably not a phrase I'd use, but I can imagine many of my more enthusiastic or ebullient colleagues doing so.

I'd speak to someone you can trust at work, to sound them out. If you're right, then chances are HR or your manager will already have their thoughts. If you're wrong, then perhaps you have an open conversation with the individual and just be honest and say English isn't your first language, it's good but you don't really "get" colloquialisms.

bringbacksideburns · 09/12/2018 13:08

They don't sound wrong to me?

slashlover · 09/12/2018 13:10

They all might be, they all might not, it can be difficult to read tone in a group chat. The TV one probably is but using the words "connection" and "experience" could just be buzz words he's using to try and make himself seem more intelligent.

I ignored it, on another instance on the same group chat, I mentioned someone rejected my work accidentally, for that the person's response was 'I cld use ur client''.

What does that even mean?

ChasedByBees · 09/12/2018 13:10

I don’t see the innuendo in your examples, are you sure they’re meant that way?

daisypond · 09/12/2018 13:11

I don't understand, really. I don't see any innuendo. Maybe there was something in how it was said?

bobstersmum · 09/12/2018 13:11

Unless you are a man then none of them seem off to me apart from the bedroom one. I think you are misunderstanding.

Linsalara · 09/12/2018 13:14

I don't see innuendo either.
I'm guessing English isn't your first language, as your post is difficult to understand anyway, but the things you're saying he said, don't sound sexual if that's what you're implying?

GotThatWhatWhat · 09/12/2018 13:20

Manipulative people are very very very clever and subtle.

It could be that he's targeting you cos he knows that English is your second language and will use that as an excuse, it isolates you from any support.

The Gift of Fear by Gavin du Becker is a great book.

I would trust your gut instinct and put as much space as you can between you - do not engage or respond to the weirdness.

AllTakenSoRubbishUsername · 09/12/2018 13:40

These seem like innocent things to say. Unless he's saying it with a giant wink and his tongue hanging out?

DistanceCall · 09/12/2018 13:43

It's hard to tell. In writing it doesn't sound like much, but it may be that his tone of voice and his body language can turn it into sexual innuendos.

I would just ignore, in any case. It may be something innocent, but, if it isn't, he's trying to get a reaction out of you, so the best thing you can do is to ignore it until he gets bored.

WhyAmISoCold · 09/12/2018 14:16

I have got zero innuendo from that.

SpamChaudFroid · 09/12/2018 15:04

I really can't read anything suggestive in that.

Original poster

TroubledMomAdvice · 09/12/2018 18:14

thank you all for the lovely response. a big relief that I didn't respond to any of the remarks. In any case I wld just ignore until it bores him.

OP posts:

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