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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner does favour for neighbour

40 replies

fedupandlookingforchange · 09/12/2018 11:20

AIBU in being mad as hell because he does something for neighbour that takes a few hours when I’d been up all night with sick child (we don’t live together) and needed a break also there are some other jobs I need help with and have been asking for weeks. To avoid drip feed he admits to helping others more than me. I’m seriously considering LTB

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 09/12/2018 14:42

Ok that's different op, and yes seems shit. Out of curiousity why are you a couple in a romantic relationship, with a child, but you live seperately and you don't even know when he's working?

adaline · 09/12/2018 14:43

Since when did it become necessary to have a child with someone before you could call yourself their partner?

It's not, but you're not really partners with someone if you don't live together, are you?

Wonkypalmtree · 09/12/2018 14:45

I would be pissed off as we are a team, we get things done together, share tasks out. How much of a team are you normally? Given that you don’t live together?

ScreamingValenta · 09/12/2018 14:45

Ah, well - a moot point now OP has clarified things.

I still don't think calling someone your 'partner' is incorrect just because you don't live together or have mutual DC. Partner is a more specific term suggestive of a LTR whereas 'boyfriend' is vaguer and can be anything from a LTR to someone you've dated for a couple of weeks.

Original poster
fedupandlookingforchange · 09/12/2018 14:54

Housing issues make it not possible to live together (neither of us claim HB) we are working towards changing this with th aim of living together. Some of the jobs were towards this aim.

OP posts:
Original poster
fedupandlookingforchange · 09/12/2018 14:57

We normally do some things very well as a team.
It was a day he would normally be working, and he told me in the morning he would be working but the neighbour asked him and he did that instead.

OP posts:
longestlurkerever · 09/12/2018 15:01

Gosh people are weird about other people's set ups.

onalongsabbatical · 09/12/2018 15:05

I can see why you'd be upset but on the other hand his care towards an elderly neighbour is rather kind. Did he actually know you needed his help? As you don't live together he just might not have realised you needed him, if you hadn't made it specific. And the elderly neighbour asked and he responded! I have an elderly neighbour who I occasionally do things for and it's very, very hard to say no because she's so hesitant to actually ask that when she does I really don't want her to think that it's a trouble. Could something like that be going on, too?

Original poster
fedupandlookingforchange · 09/12/2018 15:28

onalong I’d like to think that and he is very kind to other people. He knew there were specific jobs I wanted doing and I didn’t ask him to give me a break during the day so I could have a rest because I’d assumed he’d be working.
I think she is hard to say no to, he doesn’t say no to me just doesn’t do what needs doing. I used to a lot of people favours and help out but since dc I’ve had to start saying no or pointing people in the direction of other help

OP posts:
onalongsabbatical · 09/12/2018 15:34

Doesn't sound like an LTB situation to me OP! More of a shape up mate I need your help as well as everyone else!
But he sounds fundamentally nice, just a bit unfocused maybe?

cadburysflake · 09/12/2018 16:30

"Housing issues" hmmm that doesn't sound at all suss! Surely it's be easier and cheaper to live together in one house? It may also then be easier for his to do his share around the house and at night time will a poorly toddler etc.

I do hope you aren't fiddling the system with this set up.

RangeRider · 09/12/2018 16:39

So he should prioritise jobs in your house that you could do over helping out an elderly neighbour? Okay.
Surely the sensible idea would be for him to look after his child for a few hours while you get the jobs done in peace?
And I don't understand why you'd not be living together given you have a child (unless it's to get a council place or something equally dishonest).

Original poster
fedupandlookingforchange · 09/12/2018 16:53

I’ve just said neither of us claim housing benefits, we both own our houses but both are very small and one is where my business is based and his needs a building work which is organised.

OP posts:
M4J4 · 09/12/2018 17:11

It's her house, she lives in it, not him. If the child isn't his then she should pay someone to do the jobs

Worra, you're assuming the partner asking for help doesn't help her partner too. There was a thread where OP asked her boyfriend to wallpaper her hallway, he quoted her £300. She was understandably annoyed as he stayed at hers every weekend where she fed him and washed his clothes.

Seniorschoolmum · 09/12/2018 17:28

Perhaps you could take your dc to the elderly neighbour, ask her to child mind while you and your dp sort out whatever needs doing together.

You never know, the elderly neighbour may turn into a surrogate granny and everyone benefits.

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