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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU to ask you for some killer comebacks for my Year 7 DS?

47 replies

WordInYourShellLike · 09/12/2018 11:15

DS started at secondary in September and is doing ok, mostly, but he's having a bit of a hard time with some other kids at the moment.

Head of year has been great and is on the case and things have improved a lot but there are a couple of boys that mock him every single because of his shoes! They keep saying they're girl's shoes because they have that standard pattern that most men's brogues have, the little dots / tiny holes at the toe end. Just to be clear, they are absolutely not girl's shoes but I guess they could be considered unisex. Either way, they're just plain black leather (apart from aforementioned pattern) slip-on boring school shoes.

This is a small thing compared to all the other stuff (which has now improved) but it's just annoying and stupid. So, can anyone suggest some killer comebacks for DS to throw back at them when it happens again? It generally comprises pointing and laughing, saying something like 'What are those?!?', or just 'Girl's shoes! Ha ha ha!'

I don't want him to be rude - the funnier the better! Xmas Smile

OP posts:
Bluesmartiesarebest · 09/12/2018 12:04

Things he could try:

‘you’re jealous! You must be to take so much interest in my footwear’

‘do you fancy me or something? You seem very interested in what’s on my feet’

‘these shoes are very comfy, you should get a pair’

KatharinaRosalie · 09/12/2018 12:05

this might give him some ideas.

FunkyKingston · 09/12/2018 12:06

Yes utterly pointless.

As if the school bully and his acolytes are going to say, 'I'm slain by your rapier wit, truly I am humbled, forgive me ' whilst his hangers on stand around with see struck wonder at the pint sized Oscar Wilde in their midst. The most likely response will be a dead arm.

They do this because they know it winds him up. By paying the slightest heed to what they say, he gives them what they want. A friend of mine's mother taught at our school and periodically people would come up to him and say 'your mum's a fucking cow' or whatever. To which he'd respond with 'yeah, I know' and walk off. Completely the opposite reaction of what they wanted.

3ChangingForNow · 09/12/2018 12:06

'Yeah, whatever' in a very bored way works well.

SerenDippitty · 09/12/2018 12:09

By all means get new shoes but be prepared for these boys to find something else to take the piss out of. In my first year at secondary there were a couple of boys who took the piss out of me continually (I wore glasses and had a brace so didn’t stand much chance!). On the one occasion I tried a killer comeback one of them hit me.

GoblinsAndGhouls · 09/12/2018 12:12

Or, actually, just saying, "ok".

There's literally no meaningful comeback to that.

"my dad's a millionaire"
"ok"

"You stink of shit"
"ok"

"Those are girls shoes"
"ok"

Other than repeating themselves, when they look a bit silly..., there is no meaningful comeback to "ok".

WorraLiberty · 09/12/2018 12:12

BlueSmarties are you trying to get the poor child battered? Grin

ambereeree · 09/12/2018 12:18

Are his shoes the only thing they are picking on? Get some new ones after Christmas if thats the case.

Gatehouse77 · 09/12/2018 12:22

I agree with others.

I'd be inclined to perfect a confused look and say "okay" and walk away.

SaucyJack · 09/12/2018 12:29

Before buying new shoes, it might be worth trying to park down the road from school (if possible) and having a sneak peek at what the majority of the other boys are wearing.

I have two in secondary, and FWIW brogues are a perfectly ordinary shoe round here.

No point on wasting money on a new pair if there’s nothing wrong with them. Haters gonna hate- and they’ll just pick something else to get a rise out of him.

JamAtkins · 09/12/2018 12:31

If he's not naturally witty/quick enough to come up with comebacks himself then it's a dodgy strategy. He says something, they say something back and then...? Unless there is someone to Cyrano de Bergerac him out of the best thing really is a bored 'ok'.

(few people do have that naturally - its not a dig)

brizzledrizzle · 09/12/2018 12:32

My DS used to say yeah, I know it's horrible but my mum/dad/evil sister bought it and I have to wear it. He'd get sympathy then for having such an unreasonable parent.

Pachyderm1 · 09/12/2018 13:05

The issue here OP - as is perfectly demonstrated by bluesmarties’ suggestions - is that adults have no hope of identifying what would be a devastating comeback for a kid. If he deployed any of those he would almost certainly be shredded for them.

Tell him to shrug, ignore, maybe say ‘ok’ but nothing more than that. Bullies get bored by non-reactions, they don’t get scared off by ‘witty’ comebacks suggested by adults who are 20+ years out of date when it comes to playground politics.

ambereeree · 09/12/2018 13:08

I thought your mum said she liked my shoes last night was still a come back but may get him beaten up.

wanderings · 09/12/2018 13:50

I realise it's hard being told to ignore something like that - it feels bad for self-esteem. I remember parents and teachers constantly telling me to just ignore silly things, but it didn't feel right not defending myself. Even now, if I do decide to complain about something, or tell somebody that I'm not happy with what they're doing, it takes me a lot of courage to do so.

I was bullied a lot up to year 7 - after crying my way through primary school, which attracted yet more teasing, I became so adept at ignoring remarks from others that sometimes I didn't even realise when someone was trying to insult me. I was once genuinely surprised when one of my friends said to me "but that teacher used to pick on you quite a lot, didn't he?" I hadn't even realised. But it was hard. Even when I was in year 12, there was one year 7 pupil who would mock me whenever they met me, I seemed to attract it! Ignoring it got me through senior school, but it didn't do much for my self-esteem, and I did have to learn how to be assertive as an adult later.

Although any kind of bullying is horrible, I think a difficult thing for anyone to learn is if and when it's worth taking action, i.e. replying, or reporting it. The mocking shoes in itself might not be worth replying to, but if the shoes were being stolen that would be another matter. We all know on MN about wolf-whistling builders, to which the usual MN reply is: report it to their bosses, because these days, they actually do something, and there's not likely to be much comeback for you; but you might not try shopping a local well-known gang leader to the police unless you really knew what you were doing. I was reminded of Geri Halliwell wanting to complain to the press about something they'd said, but being told "you'll only turn it into a bigger issue".

Nowadays if someone shouts out of a car window, or sounds a car horn, I don't flinch at all, or even look, which is sometimes a problem if it is someone I know who wants to offer me a lift!

My brother once refused a pair of brogues similar to what you're describing while shoe shopping, saying "they're Mr Bean's shoes". He got called Mr Bean a lot. He sometimes said in a bored voice "who's Mr Bean?".

I'd agree with the saying nothing to the bullies, but perhaps explaining that in other circumstances, you do speak, for instance if he was being regularly picked on by a teacher, or serious bullying such as things being stolen, or physical harm. Even replies such as "they're just shoes" might provoke the shoes being thrown around the playground, with the taunt "they're not just shoes now, are they?" as he tries to rescue them.

The classic MN "did you mean to be so rude" is very different; in most of the circumstances advocated by MN, the person who is rude is not expecting a reply at all, which is where the shock value comes in; whereas school bullies are hoping for a reply that they can mock.

Echobelly · 09/12/2018 13:53

I think being as boring as possible is the best response to this kind of nonsense. Neutral face and 'OK, think what you want'; 'Whatever'; 'Yes, you've mentioned this before' - then they'll lose interest after a bit.

HavelockVetinari · 09/12/2018 13:56

Buy him new shoes - I was ruthlessly mocked for having very uncool shoes, bag, coat etc. at school and was miserable as a result. I know it's shallow, but in Y7 kids ARE shallow. Don't make him be 'that' kid. Sad

Buswankeress · 09/12/2018 14:29

@GoblinsAndGhouls

I do this! And have advised DD to do the same because it drives her nuts when she goes on and on about something tries to nag me into submission and just gets a bored 'Ok' in response, constantly.
I use it when customers go postal on me and it turns personal, or it's a legal thing like serving after time.

"Ok" and a Confused face.

Madratlady · 09/12/2018 14:34

Please don’t persuade him to use rehearsed ‘witty comebacks’, it’ll just make him more of a target because they’re getting a try hard response and once he’s used a line once it’s not like he can say the same ‘witty’ thing over and over, it’ll sound ridiculous. Either he should ignore it completely, they’ll get bored if it’s not getting a reaction, or get him new shoes.

WordInYourShellLike · 09/12/2018 15:16

Thanks so much for all the responses and sorry for not coming back till now (had to pop out and it took much longer than expected). I'm very much persuaded that the killer comeback idea is not the way to go so thanks to everyone for explaining that to me - it makes a lot of sense. The shoes are so ordinary, it's just ridiculous. They're from Ecco and were only £17 in a sale (I could never normally afford anything from there) but they're good comfortable shoes. I do actually have another pair for him that are a bit bigger but will fit him now - trouble is they are new and quite stiff, not as comfy as the current shoes, and it does feel like going in with new shoes would be letting them win. I think he's more irritated by it than upset, I was just thinking it would be good to nip it in the bud in case it escalated but yes, ignoring, shrugging, or a bored 'ok' sounds like the way to go. I think DS could do that quite effectively! Thanks again for taking the time to reply, especially the longer responses, I really appreciate it Smile

OP posts:
NottonightJosepheen · 09/12/2018 16:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Roobub · 10/12/2018 08:57

I always find "why don't you fuck off?" very useful. Probably not helpful for a child though sorry.

Best to ignore them really. I think you should get him some new shoes though. Brogues in year 7 does sound like they might stand out rather.

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