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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to keep daughter of school because I am ill

54 replies

Alwaysbekind2014 · 09/12/2018 07:36

For the first time in my life I have flu .... not a cold !
I have a fever of 39 since last night, my body aches including head and chest is awful. It came out of no where and has knocked me for six. My back and legs are so painful I have been in tears.
I am a single mum, full time carer of DD who unfortunately has complex heart defects, lung disease, intestinal failure and is immune compromised.
I feed her 3 hourly, do 14 hours of IV nutrition, plus meds etc
I couldn’t get any help or restbite so been plodding along the last 24 hours.
The likely hold of her catching it is high and I dread to think what It would do to her. She is on a part time hours at school currently .1.15 -3.10 there is not point in my going home in between by the time I get back it would leave v little time to then have to travel back to get her.
Normally I sit in the Starbucks at the end of the road / do emails / drink to much hot chocolate.
I can’t even imagine doing this tomorrow 😭😭

OP posts:
MimiSunshine · 09/12/2018 07:41

No definitely not unreasonable. School is important but not as important as your health or hers.

You need as much rest as you can get, keep her home and just tell the school she’ll be back in when you’re well enough to get her there.

Eeeeek2 · 09/12/2018 07:41

No definitely not unreasonable. Though would there be anywhere you could sleep if you managed to get her to school, ie could you stay in the car in school car park and lie on the back seat.

widgetbeana · 09/12/2018 07:41

Ok firstly, calm and breathe. Have you taken something for your temperature and aches. It's such a truth as a mother that you are worried about your dd rather than yourself. You have a whole 30 hours before you need to make any decision about that, so just wait and see.

Just make it through today, by tomorrow you might be feeling tired, but more human. So focus on today. What do you need to get through today and can anyone help you, even a little bit?

knittedjest · 09/12/2018 07:48

I was coming in here to say yabu, but you're really not considering she's only there after lunch and you would have to sit in starbucks. Honestly better for you and the public if you just stay home even if that means she does as well.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 09/12/2018 07:51

TECHNICALLY, that will be an unauthorised absence at our school because you are ill and she isn't. Having said that if you can't move then there isn't much you can do about it. I would see though whether someone else - maybe another parent at the school could take her to school and back just so you can have a break. I realise this might not be possible if she needs an adapted car to transport her.

Original poster
Alwaysbekind2014 · 09/12/2018 07:52

Honestly I am a complete mess I rang the hospice for emergency restbite.
I have vomited at least 12 times since 7pm last night and I had to access her blood stream !!
I have had 2 hours sleep max my legs hurt I can barely walk and my chest feels like I’m struggling with every breath. I know I’m being a wimp.
However my daughter has only just got over severe Sepsis caused by impetigo, followed shortly by RSV and adenoid virus.
I’m going to make her poorly and that will be Xmas over :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Alwaysbekind2014 · 09/12/2018 07:54

Should - I can’t ask another parent, they have to be trained in emergency care she is not allowed with anyone alone apart from me, and her 1-1 who is trained

OP posts:
shouldwestayorshouldwego · 09/12/2018 07:55

You are definitely not being a wimp. I would see if you can find someone to look after her though!

Cranky17 · 09/12/2018 07:55

You are not a wimp! Stay home, don’t worry about school.
I know you are a single parent but where is dad? Ca he help for a few hours

Cranky17 · 09/12/2018 07:56

Can her 1-1 help?

Original poster
Alwaysbekind2014 · 09/12/2018 07:57

I rang hospice, I rang her ward, hospice was full , her ward basically told me to my best and clean her iv line twice without coughing on it.
Her flu jab isn’t due until Tuesday so that not going to be helpful.
Because her IVS it’s unfortuntly just waiting to see if the hospice has space tonight which is looking unlikely.

OP posts:
Original poster
Alwaysbekind2014 · 09/12/2018 07:59

Her 1-1 is trained in emergency care only ( that’s why she is only currently there 2 hours. So if her tubes / wires full out. She can’t feed her or do her IV meds
I think I have only just realised that this system is a little crap I never considered what to do if I was sick !!

Her dad didn’t even come when she had open heart surgery so his a bit of a lost cause.

OP posts:
winecigsandchoc · 09/12/2018 07:59

You need to get in touch with respite urgently. Do you have a social worker? If so contact them, or ask a family member or friend to do so, urgently. You can't care for your DD in an emergency if you are so ill, plus infection control considerations, albeit a bit late, would mean she's better off in respite until the worst has passed.

winecigsandchoc · 09/12/2018 08:00

Sorry x posted.

OfDragonsDeep · 09/12/2018 08:01

I wouldn’t think twice about it. You need to take care of yourself too Flowers

Original poster
Alwaysbekind2014 · 09/12/2018 08:01

Yes the first thing I realised that it was like worse than a cold was ring our hospice, hospital ward and my sister.
We have a key worker but she is only new and been with us a few weeks we have NO continuing care plan at the moment
I’m going to give to the CCN ( community nurses ) team a call at 9 am wondering if one of them could do the school run :/

OP posts:
Di11y · 09/12/2018 08:04

do you have anyone who can help you, so you're not doing it alone?

Original poster
Alwaysbekind2014 · 09/12/2018 08:06

I think I just needed to rant I have to go get gas, and deal with DD for the rest of the day likely not to get much sleep :(

OP posts:
jarhead123 · 09/12/2018 08:07

YANBU. Get well soon xxx

steff13 · 09/12/2018 08:11

I'm so sorry. I'm surprised you and she both didn't get a flu vaccine. I've only had the flu one and I wanted to die. I hope you feel better soon.

VioletCharlotte · 09/12/2018 08:13

You poor thing! Flu is awful, I can't imagine how hard it just be looking after a very sick child as well. Honestly, don't worry about school, all that matters is your health.

Original poster
Alwaysbekind2014 · 09/12/2018 08:15

Flu vaccine ironically booked in for Tuesday ..... she couldn’t have it on original date as she was to unwell and she couldn’t have the nasal spray at school.

OP posts:
Adviceforhouse · 09/12/2018 08:27

U poor thing, health comes first , forget school and concentrate as much as poss (I know it’s hard when you want to curl up and die) on keeping it contained as much as poss x

anniehm · 09/12/2018 08:32

There must be an out of hours number for emergency respite - you really need help. Do you not have a personal budget, ours had 30 hours of emergency care built in per year.

Original poster
Alwaysbekind2014 · 09/12/2018 08:33

No personal budget trust me it’s been a long 4 years of fighting !
We are finally going to panel in the new year ! I get no restbite ... no carers ... no personal budget .. no continuing care plan

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