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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Relationships over

7 replies

Escumator · 08/12/2018 20:47

It ended around 6 months ago. he was abusive he cheated, he was secretly married with 2 children. We have children together. Ive met someone else a friend for over 15 years. Weve been in a relationship for 4&half months now. Im unsure how to introduce the kids to him? They have only ever known there dad an im worried that im going hurt them?!?! Dad wont see them because hes nor reasy to be a dad to them without being with me Hmm

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 08/12/2018 20:50

Don't introduce them yet, leave it as long as you can. You aren't good at choosing men and probably could have done with staying single for a while. Instead try and take it super slow and wait until you know him inside out.

silkpyjamasallday · 08/12/2018 20:53

Far far too soon to be introducing your children, keep romantic relationships separate to your family life, there is no necessity for a replacement father figure. Even if you've known the guy for years it's too soon.

Escumator · 08/12/2018 20:56

In my gut i felt this was wrong to do this soon. But then my friend keeps sayin get it over and done with and he can be around more. And help me out more etc

OP posts:
Escumator · 08/12/2018 20:56

Thank you ladies. X

OP posts:
LittleMe03 · 08/12/2018 21:00

Don't introduce them yet, leave it as long as you can. You aren't good at choosing men and probably could have done with staying single for a while. Instead try and take it super slow and wait until you know him inside out.

Do you know OP personally? If not this is a really awful and unkind presumption

knowitall2015 · 08/12/2018 21:02

This reply has been deleted

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AnoukSpirit · 08/12/2018 21:10

But then my friend keeps sayin get it over and done with and he can be around more. And help me out more etc

Hmm

Ok, so for the 6 weeks that you were single what support did you have to process and understand the abuse you'd been subjected to?

Did you have any support around how to spot the early warning signs of abuse?

Did you have any support on understanding the different ways abuse can manifest? On understanding what drives abuse? (It's about power and control, not violence or words or specific actions).

Because if you didn't, I really, really think you need to get yourself on the Freedom Programme before you even consider introducing a new partner to your children.

Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk - it's free to attend the group course, it's confidential, and you don't have to talk about yourself. It's not therapy.

In general, decent people don't rush into new relationships with someone who's fresh out of an extremely abusive situation, don't rush the pace of that new relationship, and don't pile on pressure to be involved in the lives of the children... It's actually quite concerning behaviour.

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