WIBU to confront ghosting best friend?

[FairfaxAikman]

Cross posted for traffic

DS is seven months old. Ever since he was born, my so-called best friend seems to have been avoiding me - I've seen her four times since May.

I know she wants kids but may potentially have trouble conceiving.

Initially I put the lack of contact down to us both being busy with our mutual hobbies, which take up our weekends, but I've noticed FB conversations (always initiated by me) peter out very quickly.

However the final straw was bumping onto a mutual acquaintance who had no idea DS even existed as my BF hadn't mentioned anything to her.

Should I confront her and ask what the hell is going on?

Do you think anything good is going to come from you confronting her?

Maybe she thinks it’s not her news to tell?

I think you should cool it with her and give it some time. If she's struggling with conceiving then she may not behave in a way you recognise. Focus on other friendships for a bit.

Ah cut her some slack OP. You know why she's being like this - wants kids but is struggling to conceive.

Gosh, leave her alone! Poor woman.

The onus of informing mutual acquaintances of the birth of your DS is on you, not your best friend. Not her news, and we know from multiple threads on here how funny some new parents can get when relatives take it upon themselves to announce a birth on social media, so she may not have wanted to risk it.

I'd cut her ample slack, as you she may be having trouble conceiving. No good will come out of confronting her.

You’re at different points in your life and you have something that she most likely really wants and is struggling to make happen for her.

You can’t force people to be friends with you OP. Take the hint and leave her be.

I'm having trouble concieving and 2 friends have had babies this year. No way have I let my situation affect my relationship with them and I love doting on the new babies!

What was she like when you were pregnant? Is she happy at work etc? Her being distant might not be anything to do with you and might be something else but she doesn't want to 'put' on you?

Ok "confront" is maybe too strong a term but TBH I'm sitting here wondering if it's because of DS or if it's because I've done something wrong.

All I want is to be put out of my misery.

I would probably give her a break, she might find it really hard being around you with you child.

This seems like a valid reason to be a bit elusive, it's not like she is just blanking you since you had a baby as your not out anymore or thinks you've changed, she sounds like she could be genuinely struggling.

If you have mutual hobbies why don't you see if she wants to join you when you do one of your sessions

And why should she tell a mutual acquaintance, It's not for her to tell anyone.

Maybe check in on her and you be a good friend and check she is ok ?

Have you seen her with the baby each time? Maybe say you are worried about her as she doesn't seem herself and would she like to go out just the two of you or something.

Dropping a friend because they have something you don't is quite harsh though even if it's difficult for her, she might regret it one day. If she does get pregnant it may be difficult to just pick up where you left off

I'd just ask, I'd be forever thinking of every conversation we'd had and wondering if I'd said the wrong thing.

Sorry about this OP, it's so crap. This has happened to me too. My close friend got pregnant not long after me, and her baby was born severely disabled whilst mine was healthy. She's pretty much stopped speaking to me or replying to me, though I'm always careful to be sensitive and understanding. It hurts a lot and I considered speaking to her about it, but what's the point? Your friend likely won't engage, and you'll both end up feeling rubbish. She's not going to change her mind just because you've brought it up.

You sound like hard work! Give her a break!

To the PP saying ask of she is ok - that's what I've been trying to do.

Messages generally go:

Me: Are you alright?
Her: Yah but XX shitty thing happened.
Me: That sucks, what are you going to do about it?
Her: silence

She didn't even wish me a happy birthday the other day, which is not like her. I can only conclude that either I've said something wrong or it's because of DS and if it's the former I'd rather know what I've done.