Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To remind everyone to hold their children's hands

118 replies

littlemisscomper · 08/12/2018 20:23

TIGHTLY around roads.

www.facebook.com/chris.leigh.adi/videos/2221828591393207/UzpfSTEwMDAwMDU2NTA0NjA2ODoyNDQ1MjkyNTQ1NDk5NTU2/

Even if you think they're mature enough to walk along without, they can really take you by surprise. Once I was walking through town with the little ones I nanny for. They were around 4 and 6 at the time. The little girl dropped some crappy leaflet she'd picked up at the library, pulled her hand out of mine and dove after it - straight in front of a car!! Thank goodness it stopped in time. When I exclaimed that she could have been run over her older brother defended her with 'But if she hadn't the LEAFLET would have been run over!'

I hate seeing young children walking independently, or using scooters or bikes along pavements. They just don't have the road sense. It's not worth the risk.

OP posts:
Mammyloveswine · 08/12/2018 21:09

My little boy is 3 in January... he runs everywhere so has to wear reins or he's in the double pram...

Oblomov18 · 08/12/2018 21:11

I completely disagree with OP. Not all children are bolters or do something silly. Some are completely reliable and walk nicely with minimal risk.

TweeBee · 08/12/2018 21:13

How do you know when your children are old enough to not hold or hands or go a little ahead of you? I know people are saying that they still hold hands of adult children but surely by the age of 11 most children will be walking to school or a bus stop by themselves? I really struggle with how to build up to this independence.

Iknowthatguy · 08/12/2018 21:14

Yanbu that's why I use reins on my toddler despite the looks it sometimes gets us (especially abroad).

SquirmOfEels · 08/12/2018 21:15

I've seen a near miss in RL for a small child scooting ahead. Terrifying. Collision between the child scooting and another child walking, which led to the scooting child toppling into the road.

I see far too many people who let small children on scooters with imperfect control/awareness be at several feet distance from them, often travelling at quite a speed. Unnerving for other pedestriams (including other children) and dangerous for the child

GingerInAJam · 08/12/2018 21:17

I don't have children yet but I really don't know how parents manage to raise children without going insane. Kudos to you. Young children seem so determined to put themselves in danger. I'd probably find myself raising them in a panic room for 18 year if Im lucky enough to have children.

reenchantmentofeverydaylife · 08/12/2018 21:19

Thank you for the spoilers, I definitely couldn't watch that!

I walk my DN (4) & DN (6) to school two mornings a week. Fortunately they're both pretty happy to have hands held on any risky part of the walk (much of it, to be fair) but I often notice other parents along the way who don't hold their little ones' hands much.

Occasionally it feels a bit like my two are puzzled that I'm relatively more of a stickler for handholding, but on the other hand I think their parents have drummed the safety aspects into them so they never question my cautiousness. I hope that doesn't change for at least the next 3 or 4 years, because the road their school is on is extremely busy and even with a lollipop lady and pelican, it can feel overwhelming and threatening.

Such a fine line sometimes between keeping them safe and projecting my anxieties onto them! Wouldn't want to baby them, of course, but equally, lives can be changed in an instant and I couldn't bear the pain of that for any of us.

happyclutterchucker · 08/12/2018 21:19

AntMoon some kids just bolt. It can be in any direction, they don't specifically target roads.

Mine wasn't a bolter by any means, but she did decide to suddenly make a dash for it across a busy car park once. Frightened the life out of me.

GingerInAJam · 08/12/2018 21:19

If you are using reins though, wonderful as they are, please be careful too. I saw a grandmother with her grandson on them before, he was about 18 months, and because the rein/lead part was so long it wrapped around his neck, he fell and she continued on and didn't realise that she was dragging him by the neck.

Stopwoofing · 08/12/2018 21:21

I do think kids vary - my stomach crunches when I see loose kids under 4/5 a way away from their people but my dd had no innate road sense and did run across roads following people if given a chance. People vary as parents do, some people have better physical danger perception and some of us need to stick to clear rules because we don’t have good judgment.

RandomlyChosenName · 08/12/2018 21:22

I hate when people let children run, skip or even walk ahead of them through car parks, especially at supermarkets.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 08/12/2018 21:24

I have taught my 18 yo DS road safety to the point that if we are crossing a road, he will put his arm across in front of me until it's safe 😂

He also walks on the outside of the pavement, closest to the road, when he's with me or a female friend. It feels a bit sexist, but I am quite pleased that safety has stuck with him as a teen.

GoatFinger · 08/12/2018 21:24

Even if your child isn't a bolter it's best to keep a hold of them. There's nothing more unnerving than small kids alone racing to the kerb to cross. How does that car driver know your child will stop or if they're running along the pavement meters ahead?

Chwaraeteg · 08/12/2018 21:24

When would you say it Is acceptable to give them a bit of independence though?

I have a five year old. The past year I have been letting her run / scoot ahead on her own ( near 20 / 30 mph roads), only holding on to her to cross. Is this OK or am I being seriously negligent!? It does scare me but on the other hand I do want to give her responsibility / teach her how to keep herself safe Confused

Iknowthatguy · 08/12/2018 21:25

@GingerInAJam I'm wary of that too, I usually have the handle looped over my wrist and I'm holding his hand at the same time of if he's really very uncooperative then I hold the backpack part of the reins too so he's always right beside me.
Sometimes I can't understand how other parents can be so relaxed with their small kids and sometimes I'm secretly jealous and think I must be uptight

Shannaratiger · 08/12/2018 21:26

We always had the dc's walk with us near the road. Problem is I'm epileptic and dyspraxic so crossing the road for me is really difficult, I've occasionally just not registered the road until I've stepped off the kerb, it's so scary! Dd is dyspraxic and Autistic, if she sees a dog or cat she will just run, last week straight into the road!!
I hate roads!

GingerInAJam · 08/12/2018 21:27

I have no idea how people find the right balance. I'm so paranoid and suffer from anxiety that I'd probably be much too strict.

Iknowthatguy · 08/12/2018 21:28

He also walks on the outside of the pavement, closest to the road, when he's with me or a female friend. It feels a bit sexist, but I am quite pleased that safety has stuck with him as a teen.

I actually think that's lovely, my husband and brother do the same.

pastabest · 08/12/2018 21:32

Scooters terrify me. The playgroup I attend has a car park with a high wall all around it. To get out of the car park you have to cross a pavement/dropped kerb but you can't see left or right as you are pulling out due to the wall.

I edge out so slowly just in case but it's only a matter of time before a child on a bike/scooter/running gets squished by a car pulling out.

JuniLoolaPalooza · 08/12/2018 21:35

I have a 4 year old DD and baby in a buggy so I can't always hold her hand and deal with the buggy. We also live near an extremely busy road with people going up and down at about 40mph (over the speed limit but hey ho). We have always lived here so she knows very well to be sensible near the road, stop at certain points and hold my hand/the buggy. I do trust her and she is very sensible but this is a good reminder that it's not always necessarily going to be like that every day!

Stopwoofing · 08/12/2018 21:36

I do think you have to train them to independence - there isn’t a spot when you can say ‘now you are x age, you can do y’ as it really depends on the child. Mine have no innate road sense, so I’d say 6-8 was when she started walking away from me and only at 8 perhaps looking and making the cross road or not decision as she’s doing it from rules not much of a good sense of danger.

Stopwoofing · 08/12/2018 21:38

Roads are terrifying as we’ve all had moments where we’ve got the decision slightly wrong and had a close shave.

anniehm · 08/12/2018 21:41

Yes to a certain extent but you also need to know your own kids - at 5 or 6 some are very sensible whereas at 8 some are still not road aware! The biggest thing you can do it to teach your kids, and when very small (under 3) use reins especially if also juggling a pushchair with another child.

FascinatingCarrot · 08/12/2018 21:42

I know people are saying that they still hold hands of adult children but surely by the age of 11 most children will be walking to school or a bus stop by themselves?
Of course thats my issue Blush. My lad just says "I know mum" when I apologise. I went by 12 when he had to get the bus to high school.
The comment of some are completely reliable and walk with minimum risk is not constructive at all. Where do they walk, who is supervising, how old are these children?
Ok if in a rural area with less traffic - not ok if a busy main road where they may see their mates across the road and run on instict

BatF1nk · 08/12/2018 21:42

Oh I still pick up my 12 year olds hand or put my hand on his shoulder near the road. Force of habit and he's a total dreamer still anyway

Swipe left for the next trending thread