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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to get my DS a baby doll??

48 replies

JosephineB78 · 08/12/2018 10:52

Hi everyone. I'm a first time poster but been a lurker for a while now.

My DS is 20 months and an only child, he's not at the age where he's asking what he wants for Christmas yet and doesn't understand what it is so we (DH and I) get him things.

Backstory: We visit my SIL a lot and she has 4 kids and her youngest is a girl who's just a few months older than my DS and they've got a playroom area attached to their lounge and my DS loves pushing a little toy pram around with one of the baby dolls and he loves giving the baby her bottle.

So as he's shown interest in something other than cars I bought him a set that's got a baby doll and some accessories and a plastic bath. DH saw it in our room yesterday night and asked about it and was mortified when I told him I'd gotten it for DS. He isn't very stereotypical but he thinks I should've have gotten it as he hasn't asked but he he's not yet 2 and he can't ask for stuff and I'd gotten because he loved his cousins. DH told me to wrap it up for SILs youngest for Christmas.

AIBU?? Is it that bad?

OP posts:

cushioncuddle · 08/12/2018 11:33

Does your H not push your S in a peak, feed him , bath him and cuddle him. I'm sure he does.
Your S is copying what any person does with a child and that is how they learn - by copying.
He will also see your H cook , make a cup of tea and push a hoover round. These toys would also be good for your S.

I doubt that your S sees him sawing wood and using a tool work station as much. Yet for some reason he will think your S would probably see him I. This roll.

This is why children always pretend toys are phones because that is what they see a lot and copy it.

Boys who have access to roll play have more chance of developing good strong relationships as an adult.

cushioncuddle · 08/12/2018 11:33

Peak - buggy ! How did that happen

Halloweenallyearround · 08/12/2018 11:36

I got my ds who was
About 23 months a doll and pram for Xmas.( 11 years back) He took the doll out and got in the pram, it was hilarious.
Toys for dc when young is a guessing game.
Buy what you feel he'll like not what others suggest.

BarbarianMum · 08/12/2018 11:36

I don't see the point really. Its not as though men have children, or hold children, or care for children, or play with children, or talk to children.

How about you buy him a toy gun instead?

C0untDucku1a · 08/12/2018 11:38

So is your child getting nothing for christmas as he didnt ask for it?

You husband is sexist.

kim81 · 08/12/2018 11:39

babies like babies. if hes been playing with a doll elsewhere he will probably love the gift.

llangennith · 08/12/2018 11:44

DS asked for a buggy for his 2nd birthday. He wasn't exactly a nurturing child but he enjoyed running at full speed pushing the buggy with his teddy strapped into it. He was very possessive of his buggy and refused to let DD2 play with it until he lost interest in it at age 4. He was the middle child of two sisters and he was the only one who learnt to knit and knitted trousers for his action men. Grew into a normal adult male.

moofolk · 08/12/2018 11:47

There's nothing wrong with it at all.

By you DH's logic, DS could have nothing he hasn't specifically asked for when he's only a toddler. That's mental and clearly about dad's issues and nothing to do with the kid.

I would guess that in the past DS has been given other toys and that your hubby would not have objected to you buying a car without a specific request?

Mookatron · 08/12/2018 11:49

Dolls buggies are useful for getting kids to walk nicely with you, just to add another good reason along with the copying dad/ babies love babies / gender stereotyping starts here good reasons.

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 08/12/2018 11:55

Ridiculous, he wouldn't have thought twice if DS was a girl. My DS liked all kinds of toys like that (until he'd been at school for about six months and now won't touch anything remotely pink or that has any hint of being aimed towards girls).

Nothininmenoggin · 08/12/2018 11:56

My son had a doll and a buggy he loved it. They see it for what it is a toy to play with. It's us adults (well some of us) that buy stereotypical boys/girls toys. Also love to see girls play with cars and meccano. They learn so much through this type of play and best bit is you can play along too.

Oneinthegrave · 08/12/2018 11:57

My DP thinks boys cant play with dolls but DS 15 months has one anyway and loves it

Sidelook · 08/12/2018 11:57

Yanbu, I have fond memories of my toddler ds insisting on having a pushchair. He would happily strap a Disney doll toy in and we would both go for a walk to the local shop and back.

ChocolateChipMuffin2016 · 08/12/2018 12:00

We brought my DS a pink pushchair because he loves pushing things round, he loves it! If he shows an interest I don’t know why you wouldn’t! Small children are very hard to buy for because they can’t tell you what they want but sounds to me like you’ve got a good basis for getting it!

MamaDane · 08/12/2018 12:03

We gave my 3 year old nephew a doll and he loved it. My brother didn't mind and taught my nephew to be gentle with it. I obviously asked if he would prefer a boy or girl baby doll and he wanted a boy doll. He named the doll Teddy.
The only thing is that my brother and sis in law didn't like that it could feed and wee, because of bacteria that grows in the doll.
Which is too bad, as he really wanted to bathe, feed and change it.

My nephew is otherwise very boyish and my brother is a large man and a butcher. So it's not just "girly" boys who likes playing with dolls and "metrosexual" men who approve of it.

Get him a doll.

AlmostAlwyn · 08/12/2018 12:24

My 20 month old loves playing and dancing with his baby! I think your DH needs to have a closer look at his reasoning!

mumtomaxwell · 08/12/2018 12:30

One of my twin sons had a buggy and baby for Christmas at that kind of age, I got his brother a trolley and food because I didn’t see the point of having 2 of the same toy. I got that so wrong and ended up buying another doll and buggy because of the fighting over the original!!!

By your DS the buggy and baby - at least you know he’ll play with it!

KoshaMangsho · 08/12/2018 12:32

So when DH bought a ball for DS to play with did he ask DS if he wanted a ball? (I am stereotyping too..)
What’s gendered about a doll? It’s a DOLL. A toy. This is so baffling.

Have you asked DS’s permission before buying any toys before? No? Why ask for this one??

Not only does toddler DS love his two dolls and playing with them, but his most enthusiastic companion in playing with them is DS1. Who is 7 and very much in school. They build elaborate scenarios together and frankly it’s mostly DS1 taking the lead. (Last week they were taking the dolls for their ‘vaccines’ apparently!) It’s all quite sweet.
They do have a father as a role model who has always been an equal parent. DH cooks, he cleans, he tidies, he looks after them, bathes them, feeds them. So they don’t have a gendered notion of caring.

I don’t get the comment about not buying them ‘girly’ toys when they get to school either. DS1 has plenty of craft sets that I presume are considered girly. All his mates come over and sit and do them. (And then run riot as well and play with Lego).

bobstersmum · 08/12/2018 12:53

Unreasonable? How? My two ds both had a doll and a pram at this age, but now at 5+6 they are typical boys into only boy things.

Deadbudgie · 08/12/2018 13:47

My son loved his doll when younger. Presumably anyone with an issue about a little boy showing his nurturing side playing with a doll will also have an issue with that child pushing his own baby in a peak when he’s an adult

LucieMorningstar · 08/12/2018 13:54

My eldest had a buggy and a doll at the same age and he’s the most boyish boy ever. He’s 13 incidentally and the baby & buggy haven’t harmed him and he didn’t ask for them at the time either. Just an observation I spotted when he was doing regular toddler shit .

Agustarella · 08/12/2018 14:02

YANBU. My son had a baby doll (which appalled a lot of men who found out about it IIRC) and he is now into conventional teenage boy stuff like weightlifting and playing electric guitars.

JudasPrudy · 08/12/2018 14:04

I bought my DS a doll, they're excellent for promoting speech and language development. Ask DH if he thinks his penis is going to drop off if he plays with a doll

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