Not bullying yet, maybe heading that way?

[Smith888]

My son Is in yr3. His best friend comes to our house once or twice a week for a year. My son never gets invited back, and it hasn’t bothered me until now.

My son was accused by his best friend and another boy of hitting and pushing this boy last week. He was sent to headmistress, along with the boy and his best friend. My son insisted he was innocent and came close to a false confession (headmistress words). In the end the boy admitted my son was nowhere near him!

My son now says his best friend often hits classmates and blames him, but fortunately those kids caught his best friend in the act! His friend also gets very angry and says he won’t be friends with my son if he tells on him (the usual stuff). My son is getting quite upset about this as he says he’s now always the first to blame if anything happens. It’s becme a bit of a game (there are only 8 boys in his year group).

On Thursday I wrote to the teacher expressing my concerns, I was assured my son was well behaved and never hurt anyone. The teacher had a long chat with my son about what was happening. That SAME DAY my son is with his best friend when his friend punches a little boy in the stomach. My son and another two boys complained to the teacher, and straight away his best friend said my son had been punching, not him! So strangely, as my son professed his innocence, their story went from him punching, to kicking, then tripping up. Sounds fantastical to me, I wonder why the teacher didn’t consider this? So after 10 mins my son later tells me he just “wanted to get out” and falsely confessed. He and his friend got sent to the headmistress who was furious and told them they would become bullies.

My son runs to me crying at the end of the day saying he was forced to confess. If another boy hadn’t approached us and insisted he wasn’t involved I not sure what I would have believed. I did immediately speak to the teacher to explain this.

He has been advised to stay away from the boy but of course was playing with him again the next day. I don’t think I have any choice to stop the play dates. But what about the school? I feel with all the info they had they reacted too quickly. Im not sure how to push forward. It’s Christmas obviously so the headmistress was too busy to call and discuss yesterday.

Does your son go to the school for a blind? If not and the other kids are saying that it was your son who hit them, he probably did. It sounds like both your son and his friend are in the habit of blaming each other for their wrong doings. If neither will own up to it and blame the other what is the teacher supposed to do? Your son will eventually stop being friends with this kid of his own volition if he keeps getting him into trouble. In the mean time tell him to stop running to the teacher if he hits another child. It's got nothing to do with him and he will just put himself in the firing line. The child who was hit can tell the teacher themselves, then I'm sure the teacher will ask if anybody witnessed it and then your son can speak up.

This doesn’t make much sense to me.... what are the “ victims” of these incidents actually saying? Surely they are naming the person who actually hit them?

Yes that’s what confuses me.

They are saying my son hasn’t hit them. And as above, my son was with other boys in the headmistresses office where they accused him of hitting and eventually they said they made it up. It turned out my son was in the toilet at the time so it’s pretty black and white. The latest incident another boy was adamant my son hadn’t don’t it. So basically, other that Thursday he has never got into trouble. The teachers have specifically asked him to report back on the boys behaviour btw.

Sorry to be clear:

Usually the boys can see it's not my son hitting them. They know it's the boys who is blaming my son.

Last week, he was accused and the boys said they made it up. That's when the headmistress said he'd almost confessed. They found out my son was in the toilet when it happened.

This week, he was with his best friend who punched the other boy. The boys said who punched him. Then his best friend said my son was also yo blame. They boy said my son did not punch. Then his best friend said he kicked. My son said no. Then his best friend said he tripped the boy. Nobody saw my son do it, but he was with his best friend when it happened.My son eventually said he tripped the boy because he wanted to leave the room.

That's all I know.